1. Roween Rose says:

    Thanks for these examples. What I thought & wrote was a professional approach; on “paper” I see that it isn’t. What a wake up call for me!!!! I want to be a light in the world and thank you for showing me how.

    1. Rowen — So glad you found the examples helpful! I had the same wake-up call even as I wrote this post. I’m finding that while the Connected Approach may feel like it takes a bit more time, it’s way more fun.

  2. Thank you for sharing. My favorite verse right now is Romans 12:2. I feel God is guiding me each time I see it in a different context to renew my mind in “this area” as well. I will remember this the next time I need to respond to an email that at first makes me upset; my response should reflects God’s plan not mine.

    1. Vicki — I love your intentionality in applying Romans 12:2 … to expect it to apply in every context and anticipate that God will show you how!

  3. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today! Thank you so much for a timely and powerful message!

  4. Thanks for schooling is in the ways of e-mail diplomacy. This is something I really need to work on — especially when I am freaking out. I have learned it’s a good thing. to step away from the computer and get a little perspective before I reply.

    1. Heya Lyli — freaking out + email = not a good mix!!! You are SO wise to step away. Especially since people usually read the worst possible intention into written communication … while we expect them to give us the greatest possible benefit of the doubt! (It’s kind of a miracle that we ever communicate, really!)

  5. Susan Herold says:

    It has taken me 50 years on this earth to be bold enough to speak up for myself in a gracious way. Your blog has helped make that possible. I am a treasured child of God. I am not a doormat, people-pleaser. It is possible to keep the peace with your words. I have found that sometimes it can only happen with a phone call because sometimes even the best email can be interpreted incorrectly. Tone of voice may be necessary for those very prickly relationships.

    1. Susan — “I am a treasured child of God. I am not a doormat, people-pleaser. It is possible to keep the peace with your words. ” Oh, you’ve brought tears to my eyes. I want to stand up and cheer!!! And you are so right … tone of voice is SO vital, and often a written response will only make things worse

  6. Great word, Cheri!
    If I may indulge in what struck me….?
    CLEARLY communicate.
    I’ve been under attack, mostly at work, about my lack of communication skills. Particularly spoken. And the more condescending my boss and others get, the more anxious and worse I get trying to please, undo harm of their perception of me, and reverse the damage to any confidence that may remain.
    Ha! I’ve probably done a poor job just trying to relay what my issue is! But it’s very troublesome to my heart. 😥

    1. lc — The older I get, the more amazed I am that any communication succeeds ever. There is so much room for misinterpretation and misunderstanding … we’re all such complicated beings with such different backgrounds and experiences that we bring to each relationship. I’m learning that self-compassion (which is different from self-esteem) goes a long way to dial down my anxieties and help me take difficult communication scenarios one step at a time. Praying for you, friend!

  7. You’re so right, Cheri!

    Sometimes we mistake conciliatory for kind, so we feel any response can EITHER be “kind” (a doormat taking full responsibility) OR make our feelings known (crabby). And then curt feels like the in-between (making our feelings known in an unemotional way).

    When the reality is the true middle ground and appropriate response is with gratitude and compassion, while making connection our goal! Great reminder!

    1. Kendra — Ah, yes … the ever-present challenge for the recovering perfectionist: recognizing either-or thinking and seeking a 3rd alternative!

  8. Heather P says:

    This is something we all face, just about every day. How do I politely and graciously say that the other person is at fault and not make either of us look bad? I, also, have been learning for a few years about turning a bad attitude into gratitude. My mom gave me a book about being grateful a few years ago and now every morning I take the time to write down 3 things I am grateful for. Sometimes items get repeated and just this week was grateful for chigger bites and their remedies. (Still trying to make the bites go away.)
    Thank you for this post and the reminders to stay positive and do your best to be kind in all we do!!

    1. Heather — “How do I politely and graciously say that the other person is at fault and not make either of us look bad?” Yes! You’ve summed up the issue SO perfectly. And YES to writing gratitude … for good and bad … and for repeats!

  9. Cheri, I totally liked your conciliatory response!!!

    Ouch, seems like I have baditudes. I probably have written things like that.

    1. Elaine — And the scary thing is that the Conciliatory response came out of my fingertips like lightening. It comes SO naturally … so grateful that God keeps working on our hearts!!!

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