1. Oh WOW!!! This REALLY resonated with me! I’m so done with people-pleasing and giving my own power away! Thank you so much for this post Cheri! This was so good!

  2. Cheri! I will NEVER look at the word disappoint the same again! You turned a life draining word into a life-GIVING word! Thank you! XOXO

  3. This baby is getting printed off and put in my Quiet Time Basket. I’ll be reading it more than once. SO good!

    1. So glad it hit home, Cindy. (And I’d love to hear more about your Quiet Time Basket!)

  4. THANK YOU! Looking forward to part 2!

  5. Cheri,
    I was reading this morning, and there it was in Romans 9:33 – “And he who believes in Him will not be disappointed.” In the footnotes, ‘disappointed’ means ‘put to shame’ which goes right along with the way you’re using it here. We always think of it as being about being sad or losing something. This is much more powerful. Thank you!

    1. Kathy — Wow! Thanks so much for sharing. Such a powerful layer of added meaning!

  6. Always with a good, smart word Cheri! Thanks for thinking this through for the rest of us like-minded women.

  7. Sitting here in tears because just a minute before I wrote this, I was emailing a friend after a long day of this person wanting this done, and this person wanting that done, and not pleasing anyone, and I asked when can it be about me, and my relationship with God, and not about everyone else. The problem is, we all get it here, but try to convince the rest of the world!

    1. Debbie — Right there with you, friend. I spent ( wasted ) decades trying to get everyone else on board. I’m slowly learning that boundaries are about what I do, regardless of anyone else’s reactions or cooperation (or lack there of). Which is hard, because I’m wired to be a collaborator. I’m having to surrender my ideal of everyone being “on the same page” and focus first on my relationship with God … rather than my partnerships with people.

  8. Yessssss to all of this!!!! The teacher and people pleaser in me was set free because if this post. Love your train of thought, Cheri. Thank yo for wrestling with this in such a thoughtful and linguistically keen way. Amen, dis-appoint them as my authority, as my source of approval. Give God that power and people won’t make me so anxious.

  9. Beautifully put Cheri! Love this. I too struggle with too many voices making me feel less-than. Great way to change perspective.

  10. Cheri,
    I definitely need to hear this. I don’t like confrontation, don’t like the results when I do disappoint someone (I end up feeling guilty, as though I practically sinned). This is a real problem with a member of my family; not so much with anyone else.
    I would like to comment on the guy talking about anti-bullying. His advice, “just don’t react” works–sometimes. I got teased a lot during my school years. My parents said, “Just ignore them”. It was hard to ignore someone who sits right in front of you during class or on the school bus and is literally in your face, and is watching you. It was hard to pretend it didn’t hurt.

    1. Peggy — I’m right there with you re: disappointment … I’ve felt that letting people down is a moral failing (sin), when in reality, disappointment is normal. If I could go back in time, I’d take Disappointment 101 and learn to tolerate my own disappointment AND others’! Since I can’t, I’m enrolling now. 😉

      When we’ve had to pretend something didn’t hurt out of self-protection, we then need the opportunity to admit — to a safe person in a safe space — that it actually did hurt. The old “just ignore them” advice isn’t necessarily wrong … it’s just so woefully incomplete for many of us. Sure, it can be a useful tactic in the moment. But it’s only one step in a far more intricate process of self-soothing, self-care, self-compassion, and resilience-building.

  11. Karen Schubert says:

    Can’t wait for part two. I need to see in real life what disappointing someone looks like. I’m so wired to pleasing!!

  12. Love, love love! Oh Cheri, it’s such a blessing to rediscover that the more I listen to (God speaking through) you, the more blessed I am by all you (both) have to say!!

    1. Heya Pat — And it’s such a blessing to me that you’re still reading and responding! <3

  13. Julie Lorenz says:

    This was a “message from the Lord” for me today. Thank you.

    1. Julie — I’m so glad! I almost didn’t write this post, and then I almost didn’t publish it. So thank you for the confirmation!

  14. Wow, Cheri, these words of yours have spoken deeply to my heart and I thank you very much for sharing them so honestly!
    I am anxiously awaiting your part 2, too!

    1. Jennifer — Thank YOU for reading and receiving the message! And Parts 1 1/2 and 2 are up now!

  15. Dis-appoint. When you break it down like that it seems so much easier to do.
    Thank you Cheri.. I will be meditating on this wisdom the next time I need to disappoint someone.

    1. Heya Kelly — You are so welcome! I’m praying that you’ll experience new strength and courage when the time comes for you to dis-appoint.

  16. I needed to read this!!!! Thank you for your wisdom and insight today!

    1. Annalee — You are so welcome! Thank you for reading and responding. It’s so encouraging to know I’m not alone in this!

  17. Ok, you’ve hooked me. Now I need part two. 🙂
    Can I add how much I need to hear this? I’ve spent way too much time trying not to disappoint others. This is definitely food for thought!

    1. Susan Ying says:

      This is absolutely a relevant to my current church situation. I would really like to read and learn more in order to get a clearer direction from Him!

      1. Susan — I’m praying for your church situation. And you’ll find Parts 1 1/2 and 2 are now up.

  18. Laura Pettay says:

    I’m dying to hear part two – this is my entire struggle these days!

    1. Laura — Parts 1 1/2 and 2 are up now! Praying for you as you read and respond as the Holy Spirit leads.

  19. This was perfect for me this morning. Now I am on the edge of my seat for how to.

  20. This is for me. Thank you.

  21. I don’t know why a link to this article wound up in my email inbox, but it came at just the right time. I need to demote some folks in my life — lower the status of a few and get shed of some — but it is difficult to do so because I do not like to disappoint folks (even when they disappoint me). Moreover, I view letting others down as a failure on my part — I am responsible and dependable even when others are fickle and flighty. Lately, I have found myself without much time for myself and precious little for the Lord. Something has got to change and it may just be I need to start disappointing some folks!

    1. Annie — “I need to demote some folks in my life” — oh, this is such a great way to put it! And you’ve got me thinking: just because other people feel disappointed doesn’t always mean we have let them down … hmmm … (I feel a new blog post brewing … !)

  22. Shirley Huynh says:

    I really appreciate your words. Wow. Yikes, this hit home with me…’But as soon as I’m “done” surrendering (!) I basically tell him, “And if You could wait here a moment, there are just a few people I need to go take care of because I can’t stand disappointing people.”

    No wonder God said, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3-5 (KJV)’

  23. Wow, Cheri you are speaking out my heart. I too felt the prickle of awareness in my scalp as the stress reaction started at the idea of Dissapointing. At the truth. Ouch… but a good ouch, a cauterising ouch. So thankyou. I can’t wait to read part two.

    1. I LOVE how the word and meaning behind disappoint, became to…. dis-appoint. Love this healthy boundry, and this allows the Lord to truly be my one and only true God. Thanks for wrestling this out with the Lord, and sharing it with all of us. What a blessing you are Cheri, you bravely share your heart inside-out. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

      1. Heya Ingrid — Thank YOU for reading and taking the message to heart! This boundary stuff isn’t for wimps, and it’s so exciting to be able to share a breakthrough with my peeps who understand. <3

    2. Heya Kath — So glad it’s a “good ouch” … I am a toe-stomper, but I promise that I’m walking all over my own feet in the process! Parts 1 1/2 and 2 are up now, too.

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