1. Sally Poyzer says:

    Great advice! Very practical.

  2. Cheri, this is SO timely! My mother is getting ready to move in with my sister 3 hours away. She mentioned to me over a week ago that she wanted her friends to get together with her to say goodbye. When she first said that, I thought, “This responsibility is on her friends.” However, as the move date grew closer, I panicked. Mom has been handling this move so well and I didn’t want the fact her friends didn’t do anything for her to shadow this transition. So I contacted my siblings and suggested we throw a party for her. Meanwhile, we have to help mom sort through 40 year’s worth of stuff, pack, sell furniture, transition her accounts, fix the house, and clean. My brother was upset about throwing a party because we already had so much work to do. But all I could think of was my mom’s disappointment if no one did anything for her! I was so stressed and tried to find a location, but the small town restaurants didn’t understand or accommodate my request. Yesterday, my brother texted and said that her friends came through – different groups are taking her out over the next 2 weeks to fellowship with her before she goes. Thank you, Jesus! However, the big lesson for me was this was a rescue operation. No one asked me to do it. It wasn’t my responsibility. It brought me zero joy, but I was just worried about protecting my mom’s feelings. Thank you for so clearly articulating the difference between helping, rescuing, and meddling. I am going to save this for future reference!

    1. Ashley — What a great story, and such great insights! Kudos to you for self-awareness. And I’m so glad that everything worked out for everyone … without rescue. 😉

  3. Wonderful, great insight and advice. Taking it to heart!

  4. Lisa Hiatt says:

    Thank you so much for this! I struggle with these things all the time and feel guilty to let people down by not coming to the rescue. Luckily the Lord knew what he was doing when he gave me my husband. He reels me in and says” its OK just say no”, or “—- is what will work for me.” Boy that’s a hard one for me though! The Lord is working on my heart about this people pleasing and revealing the servant heart doesn’t do every thing for everybody on a whim. Thanks again for this!

    1. Wow, Lisa — Those are wise words for your husband! Also, “the servant heart doesn’t do everything for everybody on a whim” = SO QUOTABLE, friend! Wow … how much have I done “on a whim” instead of as a result of prayer or pre-decisions?!? (I feel a blog post brewing … !!!)

  5. I loved this one. It was insightful & interesting. I’m truly going to take this to heart. As a manager I am a true fixer. To some it is a wonderful thing. But I carry it out into other relationships. Not so good. This was good for me to read. It’s like the pastor who tells a sermon & so many feel he was speaking directly to them. Thank you.

    1. Nancy — So glad you found value in this post! You’re right: it’s hard to recognize that what is a useful skill in one setting can actually be a damaging habit in another.

  6. Ann-Morgan Krueger says:

    I absolutely love your wisdom!! Your perspective is amazing…I learn so much!! Thank you, Cheri!

  7. Can you address when someone refuses help but then expects to be rescued (after refusing the offered help)?
    How do I keep my boundaries? Remind me how to not allow people to add to my load. Help me to process the feelings of guilt and being a disappointment and come out the other side feeling healthy and protective of my boundaries instead of mean and bad.

    1. Julie — Oh yes … this is a biggee. I will pray-cess it and see how the Lord leads!

  8. Love this story! Great insights to clarify the difference between helping, meddling and co-dependent rescuing.

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