One Word Wednesday: Month 3 (in Which I Learn What’s Worse than Being Wrong)

 

Last month, as I concluded my One Word Wednesday post, I said:

“Receiving in such abundance last month not only helped me experience being “cherished” but it also awakened a desire to give out of my abundance.

I feel like I have been gifted with so much I can’t possibly keep it all to myself.

(And I suspect I’ll have more to share about this next month!)”

I was so sure that “generosity” would become my March theme.

I was wrong.

March was marked not by a theme but by a very specific epiphany…a new “ah-HA!” moment made possible by My One Word.

The Set-Up

Last Thursday, March 28, I casually checked my e-mail around 7:15 AM. Amy, one of my mentors, had sent me a note asking, “Do you have anything for me this morning?”

At first, I was confused: What does she mean?

Then it dawned on me: She thinks we have a coaching appointment at 7:30 and is wondering where my homework is!

I quickly dashed off a reply: “We agreed not to have a call this morning….I have our next appointment on my calendar for next Thursday, April 4.”

Then I checked my calendar. That’s odd…why don’t I have anything listed for April 4?

Confused again, I checked my sent e-mail box. To my dismay, I found that two weeks prior I’d written:  “I need to postpone our next call….Can we plan on the 28th?”

Hurriedly, I dashed off a new e-mail:  “Okay, I’m officially losing it! We’d agreed TO have a call today, but I’m not ready.”

Amy was, as always, gracious and flexible. We agreed that I would quickly send her some materials for her to look over from 7:30-7:45 and then we’d talk from 7:45-8:00. I sent the e-mail and hopped in the shower.

My “Ah-HA!” Moment

God taps me on the shoulder in the shower more than anywhere else. Maybe it’s the symbolism of soap and water. Maybe it’s one of the few times that I stand still.

Whatever the reason, I found myself re-playing the morning’s e-mails in my mind. Something was bothering me about them…

And then, the epiphany:  When I’d received Amy’s initial e-mail, my knee-jerk reaction had been to prove that I wasn’t wrong. I hadn’t taken the time to check my calendar or to re-read past e-mails. I’d hit reply and “corrected” Amy without pausing to think.

I hate it when I react without thinking!  It’s so embarrassing!  I thought as I lathered, rinsed, and repeated.

Then, conviction: It’s more than embarrassing, Cheri. It’s worse than that. 

Worse than embarrassing? How is that possible? My entire focus was proving I wasn’t wrong and then I turned out to be wrong! What could be worse than that?

In order to prove yourself not wrong, what assumptions did you have to make about Amy?

Assumptions about Amy? I wasn’t even thinking about Amy. I was just so sure that I wasn’t wrong that…I’d assumed that she was wrong. I’d assumed that she didn’t know what she was talking about. I’d assumed that she’d made a mistake. I’d assumed that she was unprofessional.

Oh, that is so NOT okay! Amy has always been the epitome of a professional!

In my haste to prove myself not wrong, I had treated Amy as someone she has never been: an unprofessional, unreliable person.

What’s Worse than Being Wrong

Amy was, as always, gracious and warm and insightful during our coaching call. Before we hung up, I shared the conviction that had come upon my heart in the shower and apologized.

“I am so sorry that my knee-jerk reaction was to treat you as an unprofessional because that is the opposite of who I know you to be. This is an issue the Holy Spirit is working on with me. I can not let you off the phone without making sure you know that none of that was a reflection on you.”

Amy extended forgiveness immediately and thanked me for sharing. As we chatted further, I realized that had I stayed silent (as I have so many times despite conviction) I would have left her with an unfair burden to carry. Instead, when we hung up, neither of us were stuck with my “stuff.”

Praise God!

I am starting to see that there’s something worse, far far worse, than being wrong.

What’s worse than just being wrong–committing an “oops”!–is being so very wrong about other people.

Being in such a blind hurry to prove my not-wrongness that I forget, ignore, and dismiss everything I know about others so I can quickly slap the “WRONG!” label on them.

Expecting my fear of being wrong to excuse me for wronging others.

The “Cherished” Connection

Focusing on how much God cherishes me is having some surprising results:

• It’s softening my heart to feel conviction and remorse when I fail to cherish others.
• It’s making me eager for reconciliation–rather than fearful of condemnation–when I do mess up.
• It’s prompting me to pray, “Lord, help me to gracefully accept being wrong rather than blindly wronging another.”

Together, these are helping me learn generosity…relational generosity, if you will.

(I guess I wasn’t quite so wrong about that, at least!)

 

Your Turn!

How has God opened the eyes of your heart to see the truth about how you were treating someone?