The Truth I Can’t Handle
“The chasm between the life I expected to be mine and my real life threw me like a pro wrestler performing a body slam. I was down for the count and at a loss as to what to do.
[My counselor suggested that I was] dealing with some very unrealistic expectations.
I was holding so tightly to my expectations, I couldn’t embrace the joy found in the life I’d been given.”
Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes
I read a blog post today that made me want to curl up and cry.
It wasn’t the writer’s fault. She honestly shared her story. She told her truth.
I couldn’t handle the truth.
The truth about
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how unintentional my parenting has been compared to hers.
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how messed up my marriage has been compared to hers.
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how much “nothing” my life has contained compared to hers.
So much of the pain and regret in my life has been my fault, no two ways about it. I’m learning to take responsibility for my choices and their long-term consequences. I try hard not to think “if only” too often.
Truth I Can’t Handle
But I still can’t handle the truth.
Not when it’s always
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the best-possible-outcome truth.
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the we’re-always-smiling-with-whitened-teeth truth.
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the if-you-just-do-it-this-way truth.
This kind of truth makes me feel that if I ever met this writer in real life, I’d have to paste on a plastic smile and talk about the weather, ‘cause we’d have so little in common.
My truth is so disappointing compared to hers.
In fact, my quarter-of-a-century of marriage and parenting can be easily summed up in two words:
I stayed.
Truth I Can Handle
I can handle truth about 2-year-old tantrums and post-partum depression and going crazy with color-coded organizational systems in an attempt to gain some form of control.
I can handle truth about kids who ditch & fail classes and rushing to the ER only to learn that an “anxiety attack” feels a lot like a heart attack and making To Do lists that rarely result in “Ta Da!” lists.
I can handle truth about doing the best I can at the time, knowing it’s not nearly good enough, and having the proof paraded for the neighbors to gossip about.
The Real Truth
But today, jumping head-first into the compare-and-cry game, I forgot the real truth.
It’s is never about
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what I have (or have not) done…
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what you have (or have not) done…
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what any blog writer has (or has not) done.
It’s only about what Jesus has done. (Click to Tweet This.)
Always has been, always will be.
Embrace this truth and embrace the joy found in the life you’ve been given.
“I am the way and the truth and the life.”(John 14:6)
Your Turn:
- When do you find yourself playing the “compare-and-cry” game?
- How do you handle the regretful truths of your life?
- Anything else on your heart!
The truths of life hurt. I am so thankful that He is the Truth! There are so many hurting people that tend to point out what others are doing wrong instead of looking at themselves. That takes the focus off of them and puts it on someone else. I’ve been there too many times. It hurts! I’m sorry that you were hurt! I’m learning to ask God to help me to be able to take criticism better. It’s been a long road and I am getting better but it’s really hard. I just want to be the me that God wants me to be.
This book sounds like a must read. I too have struggled with comparing myself to others who seem to have it all together and beating myself up in frustration when I cannot make it work. Thank you for sharing! God really uses you to speak to the heart!
Wow, this one hit home…especially since school just began this week for my two boys…thus my comparision of myself to other Moms who seem to “have it together” more than I do. As I get to know them better, I realize that we are all just in the same boat and realize that Christ has done the work for us.
I feel the same way too! Compared to others, I am a failure, but I need to keep my eyes on Jesus. He compares me to no one. I definitely do not have the “perfect” marriage, children, etc… etc… I can say… “I stayed”! If I do not learn to live in the moment, be thankful, and content then I will be miserable, because my life will never be like my expectations. So am learning to love life, little moments, simplicity, fun, time, and be very grateful. Because others may look like they have the more perfect life, but looking closer, they have problems too, just different from mine.
I really appreciate your personal reflections…I need to read this book!
I think, I really need to read this book! It sounds like a great book!