Trying to Bring Back Eden
“The end of time seems so distant. Couldn’t we have just a little perfect here on earth? …
In the deepest corners of our souls dwells a desire that compels us to do what we have to do to get the results we want.”
Susanna Foth Aughtmon, I Blame Eve:Freedom from Perfectionism, Control Issues, & the Tendency to Listen to Talking Snakes
Whatever It Takes
I know a thing or two about doing whatever it takes to get the results I want.
Have I gotten the results?
Er…
Well…
Um…
For the most part…
Okay, not really.
In fact, no.
But I never let that little detail stop me from trying over and over to do whatever it takes.
For the past quarter-of-a-century, my primary efforts have been focused on my marriage. To changing Daniel. To getting him to recreate Eden with me.
What I Want
“I have this list in my head of all the things that need to get done before I can consider my day to be a good day….And you know what? It never happens all in the same day. So when do I get to have a good day? What am I waiting for?”
I have lists (and not just in my head!) of all the things Daniel needs to do before I can consider him a good husband.
And you know what? He never does them all at the same time! So when do I get to have a good marriage? What am I waiting for?
This last week, an older lady in line ahead of me at Safeway had an entire cart full of rose bouquets and gladiolus stems.
“For something special?” I asked.
“My husband,” she replied.
How wonderful…for her.
Oh, I wish I had a marriage worth celebrating with $200 worth of flowers!
After the woman left, the cashier explained that the flowers were for a memorial shrine in memory of the her deceased husband.
“She’s been buying flowers every month for 7 years and 6 months. It gives her something to live for. They were married over 50 years.”
No Heaven on Earth
I left Safeway in tears. Tears of sorrow. Guilt. Gratitude.
I texted Daniel about what I’d just seen, adding:
“Oh, to celebrate with such extravagance while we’re alive! And NO, this isn’t a hint that I want flowers. I’m just very, very glad to have you still with me.”
Then, I asked myself some hard questions:
How much am I investing in Daniel’s life each month? $200 worth of love and devotion, by any chance?
Or am I just making demands, trying to “perfect” him so I can live that little bit of Eden I so desperately crave?
“That hankering for a perfect life can unleash all manner of unholiness within us as we try to make our own garden-worthy patch here on earth.” (Click to Tweet This.)
I’ve been keeping “Where I Belong” on autoplay all weekend. (Click here to listen to Where I Belong!)
It’s a great a reminder that no, I can’t have “just a little perfect here on earth.”
That I really do “unleash all manner of unholiness” when I try to turn this world back into Eden.
It’s a great a reminder that no, I can’t have “just a little perfect here on earth.”
That I really do “unleash all manner of unholiness” when I try to turn this world back into Eden.
That there is One who can and will. And I need to do whatever it takes to keep my focus on Him. (Click to Tweet this.)
Your Turn:
- When have you looked back in dismay at “whatever it took” to get results you didn’t even end up getting?
- What’s on your list of things that have to happen before you consider your day (or marriage or parenting or friendships or ___) “good”?
- What songs help you re-gain an eternal perspective when you start trying to recreate Eden?
- Anything else on your heart!
Wow! What a story! She must have really loved her husband. I’ve been very convicted lately about what I do for my husband. Does he know that I respect him and love him? What can I do to show him?