And Now for a Word from My Daughter & a Few Pictures of My Tattoos
Annemarie and I both feel like it’s time for her to join the Tattuesday conversation.
She planned to make a short introduction video to share with you during Christmas break. But then she got sick and lost her voice entirely (for which I may or may not have teased her mercilessly!)
So, today’s post comes from a Skype session we had back in the spring of 2014, right before I started blogging this series.
I wanted to dialogue with Annemarie about my reasons, plans, hopes, and fears about blogging through “How to Love Your Daughter When You Hate Her Tattoos.”
I also wanted to assure her that I was planning to run every blog post by her, prior to publication, so she could red flag anything she disagreed with.
Here’s some of what she had to say that day:
Mom, this is your process.
I appreciate being informed, mostly because at this point that’s a big honor. It means a lot to me that you’re wrestling with this and willing to struggle with it and trying to process it, and still not okay with it…and maybe will be, maybe won’t be, whatever.
I respect that process a lot, even if I don’t understand or agree with all of it.
So, I’d like to be a part of this.
But I don’t have any business saying, “No, you can’t say that.” Because if it feels accurate for you, then it’s accurate for you. If it felt like a betrayal, then it was a betrayal.
Of course, that’s not something I would ever intend; again, my tattoos have nothing to do with you or Dad. But if that’s the way it felt for you, that’s the way it felt for you.
When you first emailed me about this and mentioned doing it, I was kinda taken aback, in a good way. I was like, “Wow, that’s really cool. My mom is talking to me about this. Okay.”
I wanted to email you back and say, “Let me tell you all the reasons why you’re not okay with it!” But I realized, “Not my place…not my place.”
Before you had emailed me, and since then, I’ve had a couple of conversations with Uncle John. Of course he’s very accepting of [my tattoos], but there were a couple of aspects he didn’t understand. And I found that interesting.
So we had a couple of good conversations about that. But he did bring up … the home you two grew up in. I was like “Okay, so that means that at least some of what I surmised is correct.”
…The taboo surrounding tattoos is … the only thing I didn’t really research before making my choice. And part of me wishes I had.
I don’t regret any of the tattoos I’ve gotten, but I didn’t realize what community it was placing me in. Because it’s changed. It used to be — 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago — these were the meth-heads, these were the drop-outs…
Part of this, Mom, I will never understand until I’m a mother. I want to say right now, “I’m going to let my child get tattoos and piercings; I want them to be of age.
But what if I have a little girl, and I’m like, “Your skin is perfect! NO. I can have tattoos, you can’t!”
I might do that! I don’t know. I’m not a mother….
You chose Abnigation. I’m Dauntless.
I’ve always been Dauntless.
The bottom line for me is that they’re art. I’ve chosen/designed them all carefully. So it is hard for me, at times, to understand why they are such a big deal.
That’s not me trying to be nonchalant about them; I’m not a parent.
I don’t understand what it’s like.
If you’ve watched the video clip included with “What My Daughter’s Tattoos Are Teaching Me About Braver Living“, you already know that this summer I decided to buy a temporary tattoo or two.
I wanted to enter into Annemarie’s experience, without the needles or permanence.
As I browsed Etsy for temporary tattoo designs, I was surprised by how emotional I got while choosing.
I knew them the moment I saw them:
- a hummingbird
Once they arrived, they got lost in my desk clutter. I told myself that I was saving them “for the perfect time.”
Actually, I was chicken. For months.
Well, during Christmas break, I finally tried them on.
Turns out, for me the process of selecting my tattoos felt far more important than actually wearing them.
But I will confess: I miss my hummingbird.
I will neither confirm nor deny having ordered another one.
(Perhaps even two.)
Standing in a long line at the cash register recently, I was behind a women with multiple tattoos. Both of my sons have several that I actually like and are meaningful to them personally. I asked the woman to explain some of her tattoos and really enjoy hearing about how her tattoos reflected life events. As my mom and dad use to say, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Everyone has a story, a need to matter to someone, and was created by God. And God doesn’t make junk!
I signed up for Kathi’s 21 days of clutter free challenge.
My husband wanted a tattoo and I was against it for a while. Then I started praying that the Lord will change my heart and remove the fear of judgment from others from my heart. Tattoos still tend to get one labeled.
I shared on Twitter.
https://mobile.twitter.com/totiosunt/status/552550344572420096
I love this! I’m glad to hear from your daughter 🙂 I know that when I have children, I will wonder the same thing…will I let them get tattoos? My brothers have them, my husband has them…I have 10 myself. I’ve struggled at times with the perception that people have of me when they find out the quantity, but I absolutely love them and have no regrets. They were all thoroughly thought out, carefully chosen, and I wear them with pride and deep sentimentality. I plan to get more, but know that when our children decide to go that route, I will guide them because I don’t want them to get something that is just what everyone else is doing. I want them to know that, as in life, they are individuals and they should do things that are meaningful to them, not just because it’s the “in” thing to do. I wish you the best of luck on your journey with this matter and I think her artwork is beautiful…maybe her next one could be a hummingbird <3
Katherine,
That’s awesome!! I love how you said that if your children ever do want to get any that you’ll be there with them throughout the process. I also agree about what you said about the ‘in’ things. I mean the tattoos I’ve seen are all nice looking, but personally I want mine to be personal. That doesn’t mean id be upset if someone else has the same piece as I do, but at least I made mine my own instead of it being exactly like someone elses.
If you don’t mind me asking, what have you gotten? You don’t have to share the reason behind them if it’s too personal or if you just don’t want to. 🙂
It’s really hard to juggle between the two feelings- feeling like you have been emotionally violated and trying to be forgiving and supportive to be as empathetic as you can be. This past week, my husband was traveling overseas and as usual he was panic struck on account of putting things away till the last minute. I felt a surge of unruly frustration settle over me as I stood there to face the consequences of choices. But then I started to consider why he is this way and things started to appear doable. Instead of reacting to the disorganized situation in a negative way, I thank the Lord that He helped me to work with my situation in a calmer way. I picked up whatever was on the priority list and I was able to orchestrate a less stressful journey for my husband.
I have learnt from this experience that no matter how inconvenient or aggressive the situation appear if we try to empathize with the other person, there usually is a comfortable way to get things done.
Being judgmental is sooo easy.
As I have made mistakes in my own life – those mistakes have helped me to be less judgmental (prejudice) and more compassionate. It is really hard to say what seems wrong for me is definitely wrong for someone else.
My daughter has always wanted to be a beautician. Once she dyed a piece of her bangs blue… I have to admit I struggled… with the reasons she did that… or the reasons I thought she did that.
I am learning to just accept her as she is. To do my best to point her to the Lord, His Word, and then let the Holy Spirit be her guide. And to love her unconditionally. She is by no means a problem child 🙂 She has always been a blessing to me. She loves the Lord and is actively serving Him, who I am to judge appearances when I cannot see the heart.
But in saying all that – it doesn’t always make it simple or easy not to do it. It comes naturally. I am human.
Good to hear from you, Annemarie! It’s an interesting viewpoint, that tattoos are art, not brands carrying implied meanings about the person wearing them. But as a person of a certain age, even if I can make that transition in thinking, my new thought becomes, “But art is something you put on your walls. What’s the need to wear it?!?” I’d like to hear about why a person wants to wear art on her skin. Just like I don’t understand the wearable technology that’s coming. Who wants to be nagged by a fitness band to get up and walk 10,000 steps?!? It would be like toting your mother around on your wrist. And, the perfectionist part of me says, What if the tattoo doesn’t come out as I imagined it? I’d be fixated on the bits I didn’t like the rest of my life. So, for me the question becomes, if you really want to wear art, can’t you just play with your wardrobe?!? It’s fascinating to me that you didn’t even give a thought as to what tattoos used to imply; I’d never have imagined that the stigma would disappear so completely that a young person wouldn’t even know it once existed. I’d love to hear more from you, Annemarie!
Hi Nancy!
I don’t have any yet, but when it comes to your question about why you’d want to have art on your body instead of just on the walls, I feel it may just be preference as well as the motivation and meaning as to why they get it in the first place. Of course i can still express myself in many other ways whether it be my hair, clothes, makeup, furniture or art on the wall; But I also want tattoos that tell my story. That’s just me though! I’d love to hear others thoughts on this. Same thing about the fitbit or smartwatch. Some people find them more convenient and that they’re able to be held more accountable for their progress in terms of fitness. Others just find them more annoying than helpful, haha!
Im surprised she never knew the stigma beforehand as well! I’ve actually started my own research about tattoos and ran into the stigma that was so prevalent back then about them and the ‘image’ it gave to others viewing them ever since I came up with my first tattoo idea. (I was either 16 or 17 then.) Since then, I’ve been learning more about them themselves, the possible reactions I can have with people whether it’s positive or downright rude, the whole process in which they’re made, how to find the proper artist and how to make sure the studio and materials said artist uses are sanitary, and I still want them. I’m honestly glad that the stigma has changed in a sense that people aren’t assumed to be drug addicts, not mentally stable or even convicts as much as they were anymore. Sure people back then who fit those categories got them at first, but that doesn’t mean ALL people who get tattoos are convicts, drug addicts or anything else like that. The worst thing you can do is generalize and lump people into a group.
And about the perfectionist thing and worrying about your tattoo being like how it would be in your head, drawing up the tattoo BEFORE officially getting it on your skin is actually a collaborate effort between you and the artist. Make sure that their style in making them is something that matches what you’re looking for, tell them what you want and then it goes from there! 🙂 the artist will do their thing with pen and paper and if you wanna make any little tweaks to it or add/take away something, they do so. Your voice matters to them and they wanna make sure you’re 100% happy with your result, especially since it’s a forever thing. So it’s not like they just do a freestyle on you! Well… Unless you want them to, that is. 😉