Annemarie Talks About Tattuesdays
Annemarie made a video for you!
She also included her notes, but trust me: It’s worth your 4 minutes and 40 seconds to watch her in action. (And no, I’m not in the least bit biased…;-)
(If you can’t see it, click here to watch it directly on YouTube.)
Hey Tattuesday readers!
For those of you who don’t already know me, I’m Annemarie Gregory, daughter to Cheri Gregory, whose blog you are probably visiting – unless you were linked to this video by a friend, a colleague, or your own daughter.
My mother started this Tattuesday series while she was struggling to come to terms with my tattoos. I’ve already introduced myself; I suppose I should introduce the tattoos.
I have full sleeves – sea creatures and constellations – a phrase and a few birds by my collarbone, two tiny tattoos on my hands, wings tattooed above my ankles, a tattoo on my calf, a thigh tattoo, and a couple of ribcage tattoos. (I hope you won’t be offended if I don’t share those with you – we’d like to keep the blog series PG if at all possible!)
I am twenty-three years old, a senior at ___ University, expected to graduate in the spring with a BFA in Fine Arts (which at this point probably won’t surprise most of you).
So that’s a short introduction to my tattoos and myself. There are a few other things I’d like to go over.
First, I was raised in a supportive home with two wonderful, well-meaning (if at times misguided) parents who were raised by very conservative parents themselves.
Second – and I feel this is an important point – my tattoos were my choice. They have nothing to do with the way I was raised; they are also not a reflection on my parents or their poor parenting abilities. This is true of your son or your daughter, as well. I don’t care if they want to dye their hair blue or have a skull and crossbones tattooed across their back. Unless they get the ancient Chinese symbol for “screw you, Mom,” it’s absolutely not about you.
Third, this is an incredibly personal process for my mother, and it’s brave of her to share it. And as I have an immense amount of respect for my mother, I ask that you please continue to respect her, respect what she considers her struggle as well as her thought process.
That’s as much as I’m going to share at the moment. I’d love to go on, but I have a bad habit of talking too much because I like the attention (gee, I wonder where I got that from…Mom?)
Don’t worry, I’ll be back. So please, ask questions when you leave a comment. I’d like to answer as many as I can the next time I talk. It was good to meet all of you – please do continue to read and respond to the Tattuesday posts, as this is a growing experience for my mother and myself, and–although we may not necessarily agree with it or find it easy to accept–we welcome other opinions, perspective, and points of view that will help us continue to work through this together.
Oh, there is one other thing:
A little while ago, my mom forwarded me an Email which was originally from a daughter to her own mother. I believe she had forwarded another of the Tattuesday posts to her mom and, suffice to say, her mother did not respond well.
So, to the daughter, I’d like to say:
If you’re watching, please know that you can contact me. I’m going to give my mom my Email address to put up with this post*, so that if you want to write to me, you are absolutely welcome to do so. You can write to me to rant, to yell, to cry, to scream … we can get together and go out for ice cream. I’m good with that!
It’s important to me that you know that you’re not alone. You don’t have to do this alone. It’s difficult, and it’s allowed to be difficult. It’s allowed to hurt; it’s allowed to be hard. And I’m sorry that it is. I’m so sorry that your mother responded the way that she did.
Please remember that it’s not about you. It’s not a reflection on you or how much she loves you. It’s hard for her. And although my mother has been very brave and is starting to work through a lot of the struggle, it hasn’t been easy for us.
I’m really proud of you. I’m really proud of you for reaching out to your mom the way you did. That took a lot of courage, and you should be proud of yourself.
So just know that you’re not alone, that you have someone to talk to who’s been there. I’m sure you’re in a lot of pain; you don’t have to handle all this hurt on your own. If you need to, I’m here.
( *You can contact Annemarie via [email protected]; all Emails will be forwarded directly to her.)
I got my first tattoo when I was 55-a red rose in my ear My next one-a firefly-on my upper right arm last year I love them & can’t wait to get another
i have known Annemarie since BT (before tattoos). Annemarie is SUCH an expressive person and incredibly artistic. So, I must admit I was never surprised to see her tattoos. To hear her explain the meaning of each one and why it was selected is well, just typical Annemarie. I doubt any of them were spur-of-the-moment decisions. As a parent of grown children, I understand the concerns of “will you be hired” ,etc. If there are such “consequences” of Annemarie’s decisions, she must live with them.
My hope is that she can continue in life as the loving, thoughtful, caring, creative, expressive, artistic soul that she is without hinderance and unmerited judgements. This is the young lady that calls me “Auntie” even though I am not related. There’s lessons to be learned here by all of us whether it’s tattoos, hair color, clothing, lack of expression, lack of creativity or whatever.
Thanks, Annemarie and Cheri, for elevating our thoughts to be more inclusive rather than exclusive. Thanks for being real.
Hello Annemarie! First, let me say you are a brave and beautiful girl. I know your mom appreciates your understanding and patience while she works through this. My question is this. What are you going to do with your Fine Arts degree? My daughter, who also has a couple of tattoos, is a college freshman and has talked of changing her major to Fine Arts, but doesn’t know what she would do with it. She is very creative and talented (no, I’m not biased!), and sees her tattoos as art as well. I m concerned that she’s trying to pursue a romanticized lifestyle that will only frustrate her (and her parents!). I know things have changed drastically since I was in school, and would appreciate any input. As I said, she has a couple of tattoos and would like to get more, but is waiting because she’s concerned (rightly, I think) about future employers reactions. Her father and I want to support her, but also guide her in a way that will be to her benefit. It’s hard to let go of MY romanticized dreams for her life and let her make decisions I don’t necessarily agree with.. Thank you and many blessings on you and your family.
Your comment that the tattoos are NOT about the parent gave me pause. On one hand – I get that. Kids grow up and make their own choices, and those choices are not necessarily because of the parents. On the other hand, it is very difficult to not take things like tattoos and snake bites, etc. as a rejection of the parents’ values. I’m struggling with this right now, and I have done a lot of soul-searching. My son is definitely planning to get some tattoos – he is 18 and legally can, but is waiting to make sure that he gets things he can live with longterm. I’ve talked a lot with him about reasons to wait, etc. my concerns and all, and am grateful that he decided to wait and not just jump into getting one. He is also planning to get snakebites immediately after HS graduation. That is really hard for me, and I don’t want to just freak out but they really are a turn-off, as though they are “in your face” to people, but he just thinks they look “cool” and fit in with his music. UGH. Can I see that they are not about his Dad or I? Yes. And, my son assures me that he can take them out and you barely see the tiny hole they leave. But still…..
I think perhaps a big part of this for me is that …. yes, this is probably a stereotype but usually stereotypes develop for a reason, KWIM?…. young people who get tattoos and piercings are often involved in alcohol, perhaps drugs, not taking education seriously, just want to party for the most part, sexually active, can be rather mean and self-centered, etc. Now, my son is so very sweet to me, and he is caring. But I would have to be honest and say that school is not at all a priority for him, he does drink but honestly I don’t believe is into drugs, and loves to get together with friends to party. His lifestyle is very different from any thing I had ever envisioned for him. Often, I feel like accepting him means that I by default must accept his values and choices. Yes, I KNOW that isn’t technically true, but it can be difficult to separate the two, the person and their values/choices. Like I said, I’m working through a lot of feelings about all of this, and probably am not expressing myself as clearly as I would like. To strongly reject choices made by a person can come across as rejecting them – and I don’t want to ever reject my son. But do I wish his choices were different? YES!!!!!! Weekends spent more focused on parties than school are not going to help him in the long run.
Hi Annemarie! Good to hear your views in this conversation about tattoos. My questions to you are:
1. I hear from everyone your age (including my own son) that tattoos are meaningful to them as art. But what is the allure of imprinting art on your body? Can’t you wear it or put it on your walls? I truly don’t understand the need to permanently mark your skin in the name of art. My opinion of art — and what I want on my walls or want to wear — has changed over the years. It’s easy enough to to swap out what’s on the walls or in my closet!
2. Was your decision to get tattoos truly without any emotional component? Did it not have even a tinge of rebellion, or act as a visible declaration that you’re an adult and can do what you want? I’d love to hear what your thought process was. Did you wake up one morning and say, “Hey, it’s a great day for a tattoo.” Or, given that you were raised in a conservative Christian home, did you have to overcome any internal hesitation of your own (regardless of how you thought your parents might feel)?
Hello, and thank you for sharing your thoughts on tattoos. I have a Celtic crescent moon on my lower hip/bottom, because my name, Diana, comes from the goddess of the moon. I got the tattoo when I was in my early 30s and in great shape. Now I’m a middle-aged woman, and I’ve gained a fair amount of weight in the 25 years since I got the tattoo. The image got stretched and distorted because of this, and now it seems rather ridiculous to have the tattoo at my age. The tattoos that are visible in your photos look great on you now, when you’re young and in good shape. So, my question to you is, how do you think you will feel about your tattoos, and how do you think they will look on you, when you’re 55 years old, or 85 years old? Also, what do you think that prospective employers will think of them? Do you think that you might miss out on employment opportunities, when a job is given to someone who is not so decorated? That’s why I got mine in a spot that isn’t visible in a job interview, LOL. Thank you for your thoughts, and best wishes in your journey of life.