Episode #291: Stand Your Ground — How to Make Confident Decisions and Move Forward

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Grit ‘n’ Grace — The Podcast

Episode #291: Stand Your Ground — How to Make Confident Decisions and Move Forward

Grit ‘n’ Grace — The Podcast for Highly Sensitive Christian Women

Episode #291

Stand Your Ground:
How to Make Confident Decisions and Move Forward

Does decision-making leave you feeling pushed around — by others and even by your own brain?
For so many Highly Sensitive Persons, high-stakes choices can feel like we’re navigating a minefield while wearing a blindfold!
In this episode, my analytically-minded son Jonathon reveals how external pressure can sway us during important decisions. And I’ll share strategies to calm the inner turmoil so you can move forward with clarity and confidence.
You’ll walk away with practical tools to recognize unhealthy pressure, protect your peace, and stand your ground — with others and with yourself.

Welcome to Grit ‘n’ Grace – The Podcast for Highly Sensitive Christian Women!
I’m your host, Cheri Gregory.
Are you tired of the overthinking, overwhelm, and exhaustion that come with being a Highly Sensitive Person?
Are you ready to stop worrying that something’s wrong with you and start understanding and nurturing yourself as an HSP?
Together, we’ll build resilience, practice self-compassion, set healthy boundaries, unlock your creativity, and learn to embrace—not fight—your God-given sensitivity.
Let’s dig in!
Hey friend –

I’m so glad you could join me today!

We’re going to look at 2 ways you need to Stand. Your. Ground. as an HSP when it comes to decision-making.

You need to Stand Your Ground with other people.
AND
You need to Stand Your Ground with yourself.

Before we dive into today’s topic, I want to invite you to a special place where Highly Sensitive Christian women like us learn to trust our God-given sensitivity — and make confident decisions without second-guessing ourselves.
The Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe isn’t just another online group. It’s a safe, supportive space where you’ll find tools, encouragement, and friendships with sisters in Christ who truly understand your journey.
To find out more, visit CheriGregory.com/cafe or click the link in today’s show notes.

Now I ended the last episode — #290 with a bit of a cliff-hanger … 10 short minutes after thinking I’d made the decision to purchase Car B, I received an email from Dealership B that caused me to Change. My Mind.

And I said, “… you’ll hear that story — complete with a cameo appearance from my son Jonathon — in the next episode!”

So here we go!

When I was test-driving cars, my adult son, Jonathon, came on all the dealership visits with me. Not because I needed a “body guard” but because I needed a “BOUNDARY-GUARD”!

As for many Highly Sensitive Persons, the “dark side” of my empathy is a tendency toward people-pleasing … taking responsibility for other people’s happiness and doing whatever I can to guarantee that they feel good. None of which is at all helpful when I need to make a high-stakes decision … on a tight deadline.

After Jonathon and I had visited Dealership B and Dealership C, I sent almost identical emails to both. Here’s the gist of what I sent to Dealership B:

Hi “Tom” —

(His name isn’t really Tom)

Thank you for your time yesterday assisting me with test-driving [and then I name the specific model.].

My husband and I have full approval for an auto loan through USAA. And Dealership C is currently offering a specific interest rate up to 60 months.

Are you, Dealership B, offering any special finance offers for the model test-drove yesterday?

Take care,

Cheri Gregory
831.682.0137

And I received this response:

“Tom wanted me to reach out and share with you the current incentives available on the specific car you’re interested in. This car is quickly becoming the flagship vehicle for our brand and needs little or no incentives from the factory to be a “driveway favorite”. Where the car might lack in competitive rates it surely makes up for it in style and grace. I hope you were able to experience that on the drive yesterday with Tom. Please let me know if you have any questions.”

Here’s Jonathon’s break-down:

“Tom wanted me to reach out and share with you” —

**To my mind, the intro does two things: first, it establishes your prior relationship with “Tom”. Second, it distances the writer from “Tom”;
my feel is that the goal here is to simultaneously lean on rapport &
shield “Tom” from any negative consequence of this email interaction (should any arise)

“the current incentives available on [the specific car you’re interested in].”

**Straightforward, sorta: It is the current incentives. But baked into that statement is the ‘fear/concern’ that the current incentives might change; this’ll be reinforced [in the] next sentence.

“This car is quickly becoming the flagship vehicle for [our brand]” —

**Reinforces key values of [this car manufacturer] (AKA resale value, reliability) while ‘giving’ you the ‘opportunity’ to get in on the ‘ground floor’ of things. How generous.

“and needs little or no incentives (bold & underline added by me) from the factory to be a “driveway favorite”.”

**Spectacular; anchors expectations & creates a feel of demand/FOMO.

**THAT SAID, I feel like there might be some opportunity for turnabout here—if there’s “little” need for anything else “from the factory”, then why the heck would they try to upsell you on them?

“Where the car might lack in competitve [sic] rates it surely makes up for it in style and grace.”

**Once again, reinforcing the expectation of higher out-of-pocket / dealership-negotiated costs, while (possibly) reminding you of what you enjoyed about the vehicle [i.e. the color, the overall look, etc]

**personal note—seems a bit odd that they started with “Where” instead of “What”, but maybe because it ‘’’feels’’’ less capitulatory (i.e. what it lacks vs where it lacks, first feels worse)

“I hope you were able to experience that on the drive yesterday with Tom.”

**Another reminder of your salesperson [more accurately, the salesperson assigned TO you], and a gentle way to have you ‘re-live’ your earlier drive (aka you already spent time with it, why not spend more time with it? permanently?)

“Please let me know if you have any questions.” “

**Standard sign off; not much to add here.

I then sent this email to Dealership B:

Good evening—

Thank you so much for this information. I have two questions:

1) My husband and I have approval for an auto loan through USAA. I see that your company is currently offering ##% for 60 months on CR-V models; what would be our next step to see if we qualify for this financing offer?

2) I’ve attached a PDF of the Consumer Reports pricing for the car I test-drove. Can you let me know if this represents an accurate break-down of our out-the-door cost?

Take care,

Cheri Gregory

And I received this response:

Good morning, Cheri-

As long as your credit score is above 660 you qualify for those rates from our financing company. The pricing from consumer reports is very aggressive and does not reflect what our dealership is willing to sell the car for. Most of our dealerships in CA have preinstalled equipment on new cars. With that being said as a consumer, advised from a consumer advocate source the idea is to achieve the best price naturally. The dealership obviously takes the standpoint of making the most money possible. If you’re willing to remain flexible, the dealer is willing to concede a certain amount of desired profit to arrive at a deal. I see that you live locally and our desire to keep business local is of the utmost importance. Do you have time to swing by and discuss pricing? Im asking for 20 minutes of your time in order to arrive at an agreement. I look forward to the opportunity to earn your business and I wanted to let you know that the car you mentioned is here and ready to take home!”

[Jonathan’s break-down]

**brief thoughts: this email was more rushed in its creation, & suffers for it.

Now, for the breakdown:

“Good Morning Cheri,
As long as your credit score is above 660 you qualify for those rates from [our financing company].”

**Strong start—immediately answered your 1st question with no fluff. Pretty much perfect response.

“The pricing from consumer reports [sic] is very agressive [sic]” —

**Immediately does several things: 1) calls the authority into doubt, 2) calls the authority biased “against them” (which, in turn, makes it easier for their side of the dispute to be taken reasonably), 3) sets the expectation that the ‘fair/honest’ answer lies somewhere in the middle (leaving them with lots of potential wiggle room for what exactly constitutes fair)

“and does not reflect what our dealership is willing to sell the car for.”

**This, actually, might be a good bit. If it’s true, then they’ve set a clear boundary, which makes further negotiations on this point straightforward & clear. That said, it could also be their way to dissuade you from looking for a better deal from them.

“Most [of our] dealerships is CA have preinstalled equipment on new cars.”

**Am I missing something from the emails? Because otherwise this came out of the blue, which is hilarious. It doesn’t sate any of your questions; at best it gives you a point of further negotiation [i.e. “those aren’t features we want/were looking for], and at worst this is an admission that their prices are increased because they added things not wanted/looked for neither looked for nor wanted.

“With that being said as a consumer, advised from a consumer adovacate [sic] source the idea is to acheive [sic] the best price naturally.”

**If I’m reading this correctly, I THINK they’re trying to state your position / or stance, but then shifting your paradigm to fit their own. ‘’ the outside sources you have aren’t there to tell you the TRUTH of things, but only to give you a vague idea of what to expect ’’

**Another note: What is the “””NATURAL””” way to get a best price? Who the [heck] decides that? WHY IS THIS SENTENCE HERE XD

***ok the actual reason it’s here is (like the previous half-sentence) to reinforce the idea that the only ‘true’ price metrics are the ones THEY value, that THEY state. Devalue your info, while propping up their perspective.

“The dealership obviously takes the standpoint of making the most money possible.”

**This it true, but an odd thing to bring up? I guess it’s here to make you “understanding” or something similar. There’s basically no reason to bring this up, other than to shift negotiations to a more confrontational nature.

“If your [sic] willing to reamain [sic] flexible,” —

**WHAT A LINE! AMAZING! SPECTACULAR! this is the entire reason I wanted to go line-by-line in my response. What a telling statement.

**ok the actual breakdown (not like it’s needed, but for completeness sake): this puts the onus of anything going wrong during negotiations on you, while also claiming the moral high ground of “fairness” and “flexibility” without having to demonstrate either.

“the dealer is willing to conceed [sic] a certain amount of desired profit to arrive at a deal.”

**Another somewhat odd line, though it does —almost— make the previous sentence’s inclusion reasonable. Frankly, neither should be here from a negotiating lens, but still.

**ok breakdown time: demonstrates their “willingness” to be “generous” while also reinforcing their hard limit expectations to ‘’’allow the POOR, DOWNTRODDEN DEALERSHIP TO MAKE ENOUGH COINS FOR THIS EVENING’S SUPPER’’’ [look I can’t help editorializing sometimes]

“I see that you live locally and our desire to keep business local is of the utmost importance.”

**Honestly, this isn’t too bad of a line, in a vacuum. Makes a safe bet that local == better in your book, so [it] builds a shared values system. It also primes your to be willing to make a ‘’’’short trip’’’’, as it were.

“Do you have time to swing by and discuss pricing?”

**Immediately tries to have you invest more time & effort [to come] over, on their turf, on their terms.

**I’m reasonably certain this was the crux of this their entire email—they wanted to have you be right there, right now, to:

“Im asking for 20 minutes of your time in order to arrive at an agreement.”

**Finalize some agreement, since it seemed like you’d be willing to do so [you’d requested more information] & they hoped to get a sale in (probably before President’s day & all that that entails)

“I look forward to the opportunity to earn your business”

**Frames the whole conversation as an earnest person working hard to earn their pay, while also being someone who’s willing to put in the work on your behalf.

**Personal note: based on the email just dissected, I have some niggling doubts.

“and I wanted to let you know that the car your [sic] metioned [sic] is here and ready to take home!”

**Shows that they have what you’re looking for, and plays into the whole ‘it’ll be real quick’ premise.

In summary: Their emails were both designed to have you give up your negotiating power while handing them leverage. While some courtesy & professionalism was extended, far less than I’d want in a business relationship was given.

I gave myself a full day before responding. Here’s my response to Dealership B’s “you’re being aggressive” and “you should be flexible” email:

Yesterday morning, I had breakfast in Scotts Valley with my dear friend Kathi and told her all about the excellent experience I had with “Tom” and the car I test drove last week.

As I described Tom’s intentionality, engagement, expertise, and attention to detail — along with everything I loved about the car — Kathi said, “So obviously you’re getting that car, right?”

I agreed and told her I was going to stop by your dealership (Dalership B) on my way home to get the paperwork rolling.

Then I received your email.

I will limit my response to two points:

1. “The pricing from consumer reports is very agressive and does not reflect what our dealership is willing to sell the car for.”

The pricing from Consumer Reports came to me via an email on 02-18-25 with the subject line “Your offer from Our Dealership Name” (screenshot attached), but in your 02-22 email, you distanced yourself from the very pricing that was sent to me by you or on your behalf.

Is this an accurate interpretation of the situation?

2. “I look forward to the opportunity to earn your business and I wanted to let you know that the car your metioned is here and ready to take home!”

The way to earn my business is to honor the Consumer Reports pricing that came to me via the 02-18-25 email, with the subject line “Your offer from Our Dealership Name.”

When I asked the Dealership C the same question I asked you about the Consumer Reports pricing — “Can you let me know if this represents an accurate break-down of our out-the-door cost?” — their response was a simple “yes.”

Sincerely,

Cheri Gregory

I hit “send” on that email to Dealership B, and then Jonathon and I headed to Dealership C so I could take another test-drive.

By the time we arrived at Dealership C, a new email had arrived:

Ocean Honda Response #3:

I apologize for not fully understanding the scope of the email. I saw the price quote and the info from consumer reports and did not realize that the quote came from us. For that I apologize and if the car is in stock I am willing to do that price. Most of our business is conducted in person as things tend to get misconstrued via email no matter how descriptive and articulate. If your comfortable with a phone call I am more then happy to assure you that I am prepared to offer you a professional and streamlined buying experience.

THIS is the email I referred to in Episode #288: “Why Asking for What You Want (and Actually Getting It!) Feels So Wrong”

At the time, I felt like it was a solid apology.

But in hindsight, one line especially bothers me:

“Most of our business is conducted in person as things tend to get misconstrued via email no matter how descriptive and articulate.”

This is a logical fallacy, a tactic often used in debate and persuasion.

It pits in-person communication against email communication, setting up a false dichotomy, implying that although emails tend to get misconstrued, in-person conversations do NOT tend to get misconstrued.

But you and I know that ALL forms of human communication are prone to misunderstanding and misinterpretation, right?

The truth, here, is that Dealership B preferred in-person communication because it gave them the advantage … while I preferred email because I felt like it kept them from taking advantage — of me!

And as someone who has been involved with virtual community-building for more than 30 years — I used to monitor discussion boards for America OnLine! — I know that it’s ENTIRELY possible to use online tools, such as email, to serve customers with professionalism and excellence … especially if you’re a customer who needs to

Take. Your. Time. (as we discussed in Episode #289)
and
Change. Your. Mind. (Episode #290)

I’m not implying that every Highly Sensitive Person will automatically prefer using email.

I am saying that email communication can give you the time and space and DOCUMENTATION for the decision-making process YOU need.

ESPECIALLY — and we’ll be talking much more about this in the next episode — when you’re already FEELING VULNERABLE.

I didn’t realize exactly HOW vulnerable I was feeling until the whole process was over … and I realized: once again, I’m having to make a huge decision in the midst of a crisis.

It made me wonder: What percentage of car buyers are in an emergency situation that needs to be resolved sooner rather than later?

And without wanting to sound cynical, I realized that the whole process is likely designed to TAKE ADVANTAGE of a person who is already in a vulnerable spot.

Which means it’s vital that you use your resources to help you Stand. Your. Ground. … with other people.

And … you’ll also need to Stand Your Ground with yourself

Stand Your Ground with yourself means settling IN to your decision

Stand Your Ground with yourself having compassion for and a sense of humor about the “residual” decision-making stuff your brain keeps spitting out.

I know that in Episode #290 — Change Your Mind — I encouraged you to try on #AllTheOptions.

But once you’ve made an irreversible decision, it’s time to let the other options go.

Which can be far easier said than done when your brain is wired for deep processing and noticing nuances.

You’ve heard of FOMO – Fear of Missing Out … but did you know there’s such a thing as FOBO which is the Fear of a Better Option?

Once you’ve made the big decision, your brain may still be experiencing Option Overload.

It’s like you’ve built a house and there’s still a bunch of extra stuff sitting around on the construction site, and your brain is going, “We must not be done! We need to keep building!”

So in my case, the very next day, I found myself thinking about Car C, and I started to PANIC: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!? DOES THIS MEAN THAT I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE?

Here’s what I told myself:

The fact that you’re still thinking about Car C means your brain hasn’t quite realized you’re done and it can stop working so hard.

If you found nails at your construction site, you wouldn’t go, “Oh no! This nail should be in my house!” and grab a hammer to pound it in.

You’d toss the nail in the dumpster!

Be gentle with your brain as it settles down from “decision-making mode”

AND

Stand your ground with yourself.

In the weeks since bringing home my new car, I’ve had to do this in one specific area.

The color.

Now, I did buy an absolutely beautiful RED car. METALLIC red. CANDY APPLE red.

And, not “but”, it’s not quite the red that’s been catching my eye for the last several years. That would have been Car C, but I bought Car B.

There’s a part of me, even now, that whenever I see Car C’s particular shade of red, “That is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COLOR in the WORLD!”

In the past, before doing a deep dive into understanding regret, I would have assumed that the pang I feel whenever I see Car C RED meant that I had made THE. WRONG. DECISION.

But now that I understand regret so much better … and also now that I understand Internal Family Systems enough to use it in my everyday life … I recognize that there’s just a small part of me that thinks Car C’s particular shade of red is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COLOR in the WORLD!”

This part of me is like a 5-year-old with her favorite color of crayon and hair barrettes and shoes. She is just PRECIOUS.

And you know what? She is RIGHT!

And you know what else? She is a part of me … she is not ALL of me.

So I can agree with this little part of me that LOVES Car C’s particular shade of red … while simultaneously remaining 100% grounded in the car choice I made.

And I’ve named my new car “Bella” because she is SO beautiful. I make up excuses to look out the window so I can see her in the driveway MULTIPLE times per day.

Honoring the HSP decision-making rule “Stand Your Ground” protects me from old habits of rumination, self-recrimination, and counterfactual thinking … and allows me to experience the joy looking at her AND driving her for years to come.

If learning to Stand Your Ground during (and after!) decision-making feels like a daunting task, you’re not alone.

And you don’t have to DO it alone!
Inside the Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe, you’ll find a safe space to build the resilience, self-trust, and confidence you need — with practical support from sister HSPs who truly get you.
Learn more about the Sensitive & Strong Community Cafe by heading to CheriGregory.com/cafe or by clicking the link in the show notes.

Thank you for listening to Grit ‘n’ Grace – The Podcast for Highly Sensitive Christian Women!

I hope this episode leaves you feeling encouraged and equipped to thrive, and Stand. Your. Ground!

Be sure to follow in your favorite podcast app and share this episode with a friend!
If you’re brand new to the whole HSP concept, come take the “Am I a Highly Sensitive Person?” quiz — you’ll find that link in the show notes.
And remember: God created you sensitive; in Christ, you are always strong.