1. Dear Cheri,
    It makes my mother and daughter heart feel deeply sad to think about you on an eating disorder ward feeling unseen and unheard, uncelebrated…. I wonder if your Mom felt she was trying to do those things, but didn’t know your love language??? I wonder if my daughter knows how proud we are of her. I will have to ask! May the God of all peace, the Eternal SelfExistent One, fill your every deepest need in Christ Jesus. May He rain down on you and Annemarie that love that is above all that we can ask or imagine and fill any empty or grieving crevice of your hearts with the sweet healing oil of the Holy Spirit. I am praying this for my daughter and I as well. I know my sweet daughter oftenpperceived our wish for her to be the best she could be as a message she wasn’t good enough.

  2. Shonna Dalusong says:

    I made a commitment a long time ago to make my mountains principle-based not behavior-based. To make a big deal out of salvation issues, not lifestyle choices. It has been quite a journey for a former legalistic perfectionist to make these intentional choices so I feel for you, Cheri. Personal growth is hard, intentional work.

    I really love my daughter’s tatts and I’m both proud of her and grateful that she asked advise and respected my opinion as she thought through her decision.

    Cheri I think it is so awesome that you are wrestling with this and changing a generational pattern by choosing change. Annemarie, you are amazing to let your Mom do this publicly. You two rock!

  3. My son was in his first year at college when he called to tell me he wanted a tattoo. My first thought was why? He is studying to be a minister/missionary why would he want to get one? I stayed calm and let him talk. He always hated rings. He continued by saying that purity rings could be taken off and put back on as you wanted. He wanted to get something on his ring finger that would mean purity. I asked him to pray about it, consider a few questions like what would his future wife think, would it cause issues in his ministry, and to please ask some of his full-time pastor friends for their advice before he went thru with it. I also asked him to investigate where he was going to get one to make sure it was clean. I also asked him to think of what he would say when some of our family confronted him with scripture about it. I told him that he was an adult (He was 18) and that I would appreciate him doing those couple of things before he got one. He did all of the things I asked, except he didn’t let me know when he actually went to get it. I was very impressed with the way he did what I requested and what he ended up getting…I LOVE! It is the word “Sanctified” in Hebrew on his left ring finger. He talked to the tattoo artist, who he was able to witness to thru this, and it is done in such a way that he will be able to cover it up with a wedding ring when he gets married. He has had multiple people ask him what it means and that has opened the door up for him to witness to them. I really had to check myself when he first told me he was going to get one. I could have reacted in anger and ruined our relationship, but God allowed me to react with grace and keep our relationship in tact. I am proud of him for how he respected us to get advice and that he has used this to witness to others. We don’t think my family has seen it yet, so that is still in our future…not worrying about it because it is already done and can’t do anything now. I guess everyone has to decide for themselves how they feel about it. My take is the verse that a lot of people like to use are in Leviticus about markings on the body. However, we must not just pull parts of scripture out of context. If we take the rest of Leviticus 19. For my son, his tat has special meaning and he thought about it and took precautions to make sure it was doing cleanly and tastefully. I have decided that maybe everything my parents instilled in me, isn’t really how I feel. He is our first-born and has caused me to really get in the Word and figure out what I believe for myself. We have many people in our church that have tats…and I love all of them! Maybe, just maybe, all of the old ways of thinking aren’t always best after all. Praying for you as you are on this journey! Your daughter is gorgeous, by the way!!!!

  4. I have a great relationship with my 38 year old daughter. Thank God! She is very precious to me. I did not have this with my own mother. I couldn’t wait to leave for college. My letters to her were sent back with spelling or grammar corrections. At least I was writing! Duh! I can’t imagine who I would be if I had had the chance of the same relationship I have with my daughter with my mother. Buying Mother’s day cards were always so hard because I didn’t feel any of those emotions so I looked for ones that said very little.
    I often feel alone because I didn’t have someone who cherished me like I think a mother should. My mom passed away four years ago and we did build a better relationship in her last dying months. I’m glad for that and I do miss her yet I grieve what I never had and will never get from her.

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