7 Signs It’s Family Council Time
The Extension Cord Calamity
Not again!
Another broken elliptical?
But this one is less than a year old!
Just as I start to panic, I notice a key detail: the cord is not plugged in.
Just as I start to panic, I notice a key detail: the cord is not plugged in.
Confused, I step off to plug in the elliptical, only to discover that the cord is too short.
Suddenly, everything makes sense.
Flooding with anger, I stomp into the house.
I yank the orange extension cord out of the outlet in my child’s room, unplug their laptop from it, and stomp back out to the garage.
There’s nothing wrong with the elliptical.
But there is something wrong with adult children who come home and “borrow” my extension cord without asking!
Five minutes into exercising, I’ve calmed down enough to feel foolish.
An extension cord gets “borrowed” every time they come home for a vacation.
Every time, I get angry.
But I never do anything — before, during, or after one of their visits — to solve my problem.
LET. IT. GO.
As I said yesterday, I’ve read Chapter 6 of LET. IT. GO. — “Hovering Over the Home” — several times so that the lessons will sink in.
In a section titled “House Rules in a Hushed Voice,” Karen says:
In a section titled “House Rules in a Hushed Voice,” Karen says:
We need to review the ground rules (or lack thereof) in our homes. We must determine whether they are unreasonable or unfair.
- Does everyone understand them?
- Are any rules over the top and unnecessary, thereby showing our ugly roots of over-control?
- Are we enforcing the rules in an atmosphere of counsel and soft answers or in an environment of combat and criticism?
And she recommends a family summit to discuss each member’s expectations in each area of the house.
This, I realize, is exactly what we need to do.
7 Signs It’s Family Council Time (Click to Tweet this list.)
Our family is at the empty (but occasionally-refilling) nest stage.
Jonathon’s in his sophomore year of college, and Annemarie’s a senior. They come home for vacations. Jonathon was home all last summer, and Annemarie was back for several weekends and a full week.
Jonathon’s in his sophomore year of college, and Annemarie’s a senior. They come home for vacations. Jonathon was home all last summer, and Annemarie was back for several weekends and a full week.
Behaviors I accepted from them as high school students (such as sleeping in on weekends) irritate me to no end now that they are young adults.
And new behaviors have cropped up (such as making late-night noise that wakes me from sound sleep) for which I was unprepared.
As Daniel and I have tried to figure out “what’s going wrong,” we realize that our #1 issue is denial. We find it incomprehensible that our kids act so differently than we did when we were their age. And we keep expecting them to “snap out of it.”
So here are seven signs that I’m just now recognizing — most in hindsight — that tell me we’re long-overdue for a sit-down meeting to open up dialogue about what we each want, need, and expect in our home:
- I find myself making excuses for the behavior so that each time it occurs, it seems reasonable for that specific circumstance.
- I find myself resenting the behavior but not knowing how to address it since it’s happened so much by now.
- I realize that I would not accept such behavior from a stranger or guest because it goes against my family values in some way.
- I’ve started “dropping hints” and/or “taking pot-shots” about the behavior. The atmosphere in the house suffers, but the behavior goes unchanged.
- I complain to other people who (a) aren’t involved in the situation and (b) can’t help change the situation. I may even be violating family confidentiality because I’ve just got to “vent”.
- My quality of life is compromised to some degree as a result of the behavior. I may try to tell myself that “it’s no big deal” but the cumulative effect makes it bigger every day.
- My family has moved into a new season of life but is still living by the “rules” of the last season (or perhaps even 2-3 seasons ago!)
A benediction for our family council this week — and for everyone’s family time this Thanksgiving Day!
My your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,even as we put our hope in you.Psalm 33:22
Your Turn:
- Does your family have regular family councils? Why or why not?
- How explicit or implicit are the “rules” in your house? How are they communicated?
- Has your family moved into a new season of life? How are you adapting the “rules” to meet the needs of this new stage?
- Anything else on your heart!
Thank you for the opportunity to win and sharing something you have learned through the book!