Why Christian Cliches Don’t Work
“You can’t escape God. He will find you, no matter where you go.”
Daniel and I, who have only been dating a few months, are sitting together in church, listening to the preacher rev up to his big point.
“God is like … is like … like …”
We shoot telapathic glances at each other: He’s about to pull an illustration out of thin air.
“God is like … an entomologist!”
The speaker siezes inspiration like a drowning man reaching for a rope.
“It’s as if God has a giant butterfly net.”
Daniel and I stiffen.
“He will chase you until he catches you.”
Every iota of willpower in every single cell strains to keep us staring straight ahead.
“Once He has you, He … well, He doesn’t chloroform you. And, um, he doesn’t stick a pin through you …”
We abandon all pretense of composure. One of us snickers, the other snorts, and we dissolve into giggle fits.
A Password
Almost thrity years later, one little word can take us both right back to that church pew:
“butterfly”
It’s become our secret code.
We’ll be sitting in a meeting, listening to an oblivious presenter drone on and on– making no connection whatsoever with the group–and we’ll turn to each other, as if on cue, and whisper:
“butterfly”
One of us will be earnestly trying to explain a concept, reaching eagerly for metaphors that only muddy the already murky waters, and the other will say,
“butterfly”
It’s a rare stimuli that triggers an identical reaction in both of us: an instant giggle fit.
It’s a private password that instantly evokes the original event plus all the “butterfly” experiences we’ve shared since.
Daniel and I have our private password down pat. We know exactly when and how to use it. When one of us slips “butterfly” into conversation, we expect the other to say, “I see what you did there!” and go for a fist-bump.
It works for us, every single time.
Pat Phrases
Now that you’ve heard our story, are you likely to start using the word “butterfly” with people in your life?
Not likely.
How about if I start throwing “butterfly” into conversations with you, how will you respond? Perhaps, if you remember the story, with a polite laugh. But certainly not with knowing glances and peals of giggles.
At best, “butterfly” will be just a pat phrase to you.
Even if you comprehend why I use “butterfly,” you weren’t there when it became a password. You don’t have my history with it. So it doesn’t have the same effect on you. In fact, you may even feel excluded when I use a private password with you.
And then, when you don’t react the way I expect you to, I’m likely to get upset with you.
What an unfortunate, unintended result: You feeling excluded and me feeling upset.
Not because there’s anything inherently wrong with the word “butterfly.” But because I tried to use it with the wrong person, in the wrong way, at the wrong time.
Why Christian Cliches Don’t Work
I asked some of my best Bravery Buddies to brainstorm typical Christian cliches. In a matter of minutes, they generated this list:
- God won’t give you more than you can handle
- I’m so blessed / You’re so blessed / We’re so blessed
- Bless your heart
- I’ll pray about it / Just pray about it / You must not be praying enough about it
- I covet your prayers
- I got a word from the Lord
- When God closes a door he opens a window
- God is Good
- A Bible that’s falling apart belongs to a person who isn’t
- hedge of protection
- I feel led / I don’t feel led
- All things work together for good…
- Ask Jesus into your heart
- BE the church
- It’s all God’s anyway
- God is faithful
- Just lean into God
- All sin is the same
- I echo that
- What man meant for evil, God meant for good
- You can’t out-give God!
- I’ll wait until God tells me
- Don’t judge or you’ll be judged
- Everything happens for a reason
- God needed another angel
- But for the grace of God…
- God isn’t interested in making you happy; He wants you holy.
- If you just have enough faith…
- It must have been God’s will.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of these words. Many come straight from scripture.
Sometimes, though, we try to use these words with the wrong people, in the wrong way, at the wrong time.
People we don’t really know, whose backstories and current struggles don’t include us.
Cliches offer us the false belief that saying something – anything! – is better than saying nothing at all.
Not so.
A pat phrase is not the same as a password.
Nothing substitutes for shared experiences.
(Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow: “Why Christian Cliches Can Hurt”)
