Where’d This Idea Come From?
One last scene of backstory, and then (I promise!) we’ll dive in to Genesis 27.
Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.)
Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”
“Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”
But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.
Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright.
Genesis 25:29-34
This story leaves me with so many questions:
Is Esau really “about to die”? Or is he just being a Drama Prince? He is, after all, forming complete sentences and using rational logic!
Where are they? If Jacob is such a homebody, it seems that this scene is set near home. In which case Jacob can’t be the only person around with some food.
But my biggest question is this:
Where did Jacob get the idea to barter for the birthright? It’s like he’s just hanging around, waiting to pounce on something he has no rational reason to want or expect!
Where Children’s Ideas Come From
When Annemarie was just two years old, I was on the phone with Bank of America, trying to solve a financial crisis I’d created…again! I hadn’t kept track of the checks I’d written, and I’d made some deposits late. The consequences were several days’ worth of NSF charges that landed us in a negative balance which, of course, just kept triggering more NF charges.
As the customer service representative refused my logical and then emotional pleas to reverse the charges, I burst out crying, “But we have no money! We have no money!”
About an hour after I got off the phone, Annemarie, who had been playing quietly on the floor in the family room, suddenly began throwing her toys around.
“No pennies!” she cried, in a voice of despair. “No pennies!”
At first I was confused, but then I realized, with horror, that my little girl was an emotional sponge, mopping up her mama’s overflowing feelings. Although she had no rational framework for my problem, my child had absorbed my emotions. She had internalized my despair and was acting out of fears that she knew nothing about but had taken straight to heart.
Did Rebekah’s Need Became Jacob’s Idea?
I don’t think that bartering for a birthright was Jacob’s idea.
No, I can’t prove it.
I can’t prove that Rebekah told Jacob what God had told her about her older son serving her younger son.
And she may not have told him…at least not in so many words.
But I can’t help but wonder if, like my own toddler, Jacob started to absorb his Mama’s emotions at a tender age.
If, as he grew older, the injustice of “no birthright!” felt so normal that obtaining that birthright at any cost became the next logical step.
This comment about parenting, from Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, jumped out and shoved my face in the mirror this weekend: “Who we are matters way more than what we know or what we wish we were.”
And it makes me ask about Rebekah, about myself, and about anyone who is a mother:
1. Who are you?
2. What emotions / ideas is your child absorbing from you?
Try This Today:
As you’re building your “God Will Provide” family time line, see if you can add at least one time when an adult’s emotions were absorbed by a child. This may be a positive event or a negative event, joyous or scary.
Your Turn!
Share a time when you recognized that someone younger than you was absorbing your emotions.
Letting go doesnt come easy for me!
I have certainly realized that each of more 4 kids are very different. They each teach me about different aspects of who I am and how I behave! The things I say and do may attract one child while turning away another. I need to remember that God made them each very special and is trusting me with them… not just so I can teach them but also learn from them.
My son has Asperger’s Syndrome and I had to learn early on that all my emotions, negative and positive, bounced off him and influenced his behavior and interaction with me and others. We’re doing better now, but it still has it’s moments!
I am a middle school teacher and I KNOW firsthand how much children, of any age, can absorb the negative energy around them. Many times my team of teachers has had a problem with a particular child, only to issue a request for a parent conference and discover that the child is just like the parent. If the child has a seemingly uncaring attitude often the parent has adopted an “I can’t do anything” attitude of their own.
Congratulations on the new blog! I am always looking for another place to share my faith with others.
I have a really tough time letting anything go !!
Thanks for the fun giveaway! Also, the devo & blot post were great. I have two young children & more than once I have seen them do domething or say a word & I thought where did they learn that…then I realizd oops! Little eyes were watching & little ears listening to their mom. Only with God’s help & grace cab I model godly emotions for my boys!
As my children are all grown, it is my grandchildren that are absorbing the world around them like little sponges. It is obvious that they imitate their mothers getting ready for work, pretending to be on the phone and shaking their fingers at their pets when they misbehave. Reminds us all to remember children model what they see and hear…thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Totally relate about your daughter picking up on your feelings, and love your question about Esau being overly dramatic – I think the same thing!
Heya Kristy — Love that you’ve thought the same thing about Esau! I’ve heard this basic story all my life, but I’ve been having so much fun just hanging out in the details and asking questions!
Great post! Our kids remind us of what we do and say in front of them, by acting out or by using the same phrases or actions later in front of us. Let.It.Go is such a great book, I use it often for reference. I would use the giveaway copy to give to my sister-in-law who saw my book and is interested in reading it.
Heya Dana — So true what you say about our kids reflecting back to us who we are to them!
This is a really good reminder. Our kids are observing us and soaking in everything that we say, do and even feel or react. With my daughter one of our phrases/scriptures we use a lot is “My attitude shall be the same that Jesus has”. When her attitude is off, it’s something that I use to remind her. The humbling times come when she uses it to remind me to change my attitude.
Danielle — Philippians 2:5? I’m just finishing an entire retreat talk on having the “mindset of Christ.” And LOL — you’re making me very glad that I don’t have any kids at home to play “conscience” with me! (Although I may have been better off when they were here, come to think of it…!)
I quickly discovered that my third daughter would start crying and leave the room if there was any hint of conflict in the discussion between my oldest daughter and me. She is very sensitive and picks up on anyone’s emotions and makes it hers.
Jayne — This reminds me so much of my son! One time my daughter and I were arguing in the car, with Jonathon in the back seat. Finally, he could take it no longer and yelled, “Stop it! Stop it! The two people I love best are fighting and I can’t stand it!” Annemarie and I were greatly meeked, to say the least.
Great post! I hear my words and my attitude in my kids all the time. Sometimes my daughter is impatient with her brothers and I hear my words in her words. My son has to interject comments all the time and I usually hear my words come out of his mouth. My other son screams and yells when he is frustrated, again a trait I am not proud of. It kills me to hear the worst part of me coming out of their mouths. Thank you for this post and reminder and for offering Karen’s book. I have been really wanting to read it.
Darcey — I appreciate your honesty…it’s hard to recognize exactly where those words are coming from, isn’t it? I used to dread Annemarie playing with her dolls…it was almost like a replay of what had been happening in the family over the last few days!
A few months ago my job thankfully became much less stressful, but prior to the changes at work I more often than not came home with little or no patience left for my own children. It was unfair to them to get very little of the mom they deserved because I was just exhausted and stressed by the time I got home. My daughter would end up in tears on an almost weekly basis because I would yell at her for something little or be too harsh with my words. Usually those nights I’d end up in tears as well. 🙁
Sarah — Bless your heart! I remember season in our lives like this, where it just seemed that there was nothing left of me when I got home, and what there was wasn’t worth having! We learned a lot about forgiveness…and I started to suspect that “doing it all” really was a myth.
Oh how I need to sit at Jesus’ dear feet…that is my desire..wholeheartedly!! LIFE is pressing in hard on all sides, but in Him I will find peace and rest!
Becky — Such a great reminder. I find it hard to even think that peace and rest are possible when I have so much to do…but when I don’t take time with Jesus, the time I’ve “saved” really ends up being lost.
Always looking for new books to help me improve!! Love ITunes too! 😉
Georgia — Woman after my own heart on both accounts! 🙂
My husband and I lead the Bible quiz team at our church. We have to be very careful that we stay positive and encouraging to the kids because if we start visibly and verbally worrying that they aren’t doing a good job at studying and learning, they will pick up on that and quickly slip into an attitude of despair and feel like they don’t stand a chance at the competition. This will cause them to drop away from studying and trying to do their best. So we have to be positive and always encouraging them, bringing out the potential in them.
Beth Anne — What a great application! Kudos for being aware of this.
This book sounds amazing! Cheri, I’m loving the new website!
Awww, thanks Bronda! SO glad you stopped by! (And the book is BEYOND amazing! 😉
My oldest son (17) has a penchant for taking the rough roads, and I was once again feeling upset and angry angry over his choices. I thought before I spoke (hurray!) and told him that one of the most important lessons I have learned as a mom is that when we are at our most unlovable, it’s when we need love the most. Instead of yelling, I hugged him and I just felt him relax. It won’t fix everything, but I feel like God helped to chip away at a wall that could separate me from my son over time. Thanks for sharing your ‘realness’ and heart for others on your blog!
Heidi — This is beautiful! I know this is true of me…when I’m at my worst, that’s when I need love the most (even tho I’m often at my prickliest!) A hug may not “fix everything,” but that kind of approach sure can keep the discussion from heading down a very regrettable road. Thanks for sharing!
I coach cheerleading at the local high school. When I get stressed out about the routine or upcoming competition, the girls start to feel it as well. I can tell when this happens because they will start to bicker more, smile less, and the stunts usually don’t hit as often either. I have to step away from the situation, breathe, get perspective and come back ready to encourage!
Alyssa — Wow, so great that you’re able to detect when it’s happening and recognize your own contribution to the situation! That’s really hard. So many adults — parents, teachers, whatever — would simply blame the kids and refuse to see that the kids are simply holding up mirrors!
Our children really can teach us God’s principals if we are attentive enough to notice. One day I was stressed, holding a baby and at the stove cooking dinner. My son (age 3 at the time) asked me to look at what he had drawn. I just mumbled “yes, yes it is lovely”, not at all turning around to look. He said “that’s cool, how did you do that?, do you have eyes in the back of your head?”.. OUCH. Busted by a 3 year old. Lesson learned and boy was it painful for me!
Tracey — So true! I have learned more about having a tender conscience and seeking forgiveness from my children than any other way. My son has always been my “Jiminy Cricket” and my daughter has always been one to apologize because she can’t stand having a wall between us. Love your illustration — busted by a 3-year-old for sure! 🙂
I need to learn how to let it go!
I think this is one of the lessons we learn and relearn throughout our lives!
I loved this – your story beautifully illustrates a point in my talk on Entitlement – the children are ALWAYS WATCHING. They absorb our character, our emotions and our actions like sponges, like it or not! I know my boys absorb my hot tempter and stress at times. Trying to teach them to deal with stress in a level voice, if I can manage it, will be make greatest accomplishment (and by far the hardest).
“ALWAYS WATCHING” — I can just hear Roz’s voice from Moster’s Inc! 😉 So true…so true. (Should I resist the urge to rib you about your “hot tempter”? Yeah, I probably should… 😉
love the new site! It’s gorgeous!! And you’re pretty lovely too! 🙂
Heya Rachel — Thank you on both accounts and for stopping by the new digs! 😉
My little cousin, one day at kennywood (theme park) she woke up my sleeping 4 month old and I yelled at her and shecried… I felt terrible for letting myself snap at her, the rest if the day she avoided me and I could tell she wasn’t having as much fun as she was before this happened.
Rebekah — Such a hard one…I remember the days when keeping baby asleep seemed like the most important thing on earth, especially my son who was a relentless crier when awakened!
When hubby has rough day “at the office” and comes home and little things set him off at his wife, his wife picks up his steam and, like the proverbial tea pot, steams and whistles, she notices how much the children of the home, increase in heated volume and arguments with each other. The wife and mommy need to find a way to neutralize and chill her attitude.
KM — This scenario rings so true. Especially when the wife/mommy is waiting for affirmation and love but gets “steam” instead.
Let It Go is something I could use, I get anxious and need to learn to trust wholeheartedly!
Jenn — It’s well worth reading and re-reading! I read it last fall, again with the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study, and now my women’s class is doing it. Learning something new each time, too!