The One Daily Control Question
Today’s post comes to you as a vlog (below) and blog (scroll down further)!
(Can’t see the video? Click here to view “The One Daily Control Question” via YouTube!
A quarter-of-a-century ago, I did something unthinkable.
It was our senior year of college. My husband had interviewed for ministerial positions, and he had gotten a call.
Then, the days passed and the weeks passed and then the months passed with no word about where Daniel would be placed.
I got to the point that I was done nagging: I’d been pushing Daniel to call and find out, and he kept saying we needed to wait.
I’d had it.
I had some opportunities to interview for teaching positions, and I knew that the doors were going to start shutting for me.
I had prayed.
I had read the Bible.
And that was it.
In my immature brain, I decided it was time for me to take action.
The Unthinkable
I called my husband’s new boss.
Now, I thought about this last week while I was driving, and I almost had to pull over, I was cringing and twitching so much!
I can’t believe the “nerve”? the arrogance? I can’t believe that I dialed the phone, talked to the secretary, and insisted on talking with my husband’s boss!
And explained to him (very matter of factly!) that we needed to know which church Daniel was going to be placed at so that I could get a teaching job in the area.
As if he had no idea…as if he didn’t know his own job…as if he’d never worked with a young pastor and his wife before!
He said to me—in a soothing voice that irritated me beyond words!—something that just made me want to scream because it sounded so cliche and condescending
“Little Lady, God is still on his throne.”
Why I Did the Unthinkable
This whole conversation came to mind as I was reading LET. IT. GO.
Karen talks about the three major reasons why we women can become such control freaks.
- We want to feel indispensable.
- We want to get our own way.
- We don’t really trust God.
Oh, we believe in God. We know all about his wonderful characteristics and mighty acts. We know he is patient, loving, forgiving, powerful, ever near, always faithful. Why, he is perfect!
We may even read on the pages of our Bibles about men and women who trusted him with amazing results. But we doubt he’ll really repeat this in our suburban, modern, everyday lives. We intellectually believe he does what is best for the world in general, but practically we behave as if in our own individual situations, we still know what’s best.
Boy, do I resonate with this!
My Way-too-High “CQ”
At the end of the chapter, she has a Control Quotient Quiz. I took it, and if I was honest — answering the questions not as the version of myself that I wish I was or think I’m headed toward but really am today — I got a 44 out of 50!
Which Karen says means, “Control-freak alert! Your strength has developed into a weakness and sent others running for cover. Time to stop tweaking and stat trusting before all your friends and family scatter for good, and you end up a prisoner of your own pushy self.”
It took me years to grasp the wisdom of that simple statement my husband’s boss made.
And it’s become one of my favorite encouragements, now.
God is still on his throne.
Yesterday, I talked about the devil’s “con-” game on women: concern becomes control which can then turn into contempt.
God offers something that’s not a “con”…something that satisfies my heart in a way no amount of perceived control ever can:
God offers contentment.
The question is whether I will trust Him and make Him indispensable in my life. Whether I want Him to have His way in my life.
If I trust Him, then I will take to heart and put into action what he says in Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,”declares the LORD,“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a future.”
The One Question
The one control question today—and every day!—is
Who’s on the throne?
Am I going to fight for control as if it’s my way or the highway? Or am I going to remember:
God is still on His throne!
Your Turn:
- What’s something “unthinkable” you’ve done for the sake of perceived control that now makes you twitch and cringe?
- Do you struggle more with (1) Being indispensable or (2) Wanting to get your own way?
- Anything else on your heart!
I do alot of controling things. I hound my husband about everything. I don’t know that I have ever called his boss, but I am not sure the hounding is much better. I think I struggle more with getting my own way just because I know it is the right way (Ha Ha). The days when I bite my tongue and really think about my way I realize that sometimes my ways are really wrong. Thanks for the great post.
I appreciate your honesty, Cheri. The quote from the book is so true. We are part of the family that is scattering for good because the control and manipulation is overwhelming. It’s heart-breaking to see a relationship crumble.
Hi, Cheri,
I’m walking in the scatter. every.day.
I can’t seem to find my way back.
Thanks for writing.
Tina