The "Con-" Job on Women
Bee-bee-bee-bee-beep!”
This is the 5th time the timer has gone off.
The 5th time I’ve gotten up from my comfy chair in the living room to traipse into the kitchen to finally take the quiche out of the oven.
Except each time, it hasn’t been quite done. So I’ve set the timer for 2 more minutes.
Of course, I can’t just stand there, wasting two whole minutes. So I’ve come back to the living room just long enough to start a sentence, when…
The sound that can turn an auditory processor like me into a raving lunatic in mere seconds.
So I head into the kitchen yet again, hoping the quiche is done this time.
It Comes With the Territory
Ironically, the sentence I’ve been trying to start for (well over!) 10 minutes is this:
“Hi, my name is Cheri, and I’m a control freak.”
What can I say: I’m a Choleric.
My parents are both Cholerics.
Jus’ sayin’ I “come by it honestly” (as my dad puts it)!
Of course, the Choleric’s explicit life goal is CONTROL. And everyone knows she’ll “lose it” if she doesn’t get it.
But each PURSE-onality seeks control in her own way: Sanguines by charm, Melancholies by moods, and Phlegmatics by procrastination. (I’ll elaborate on these over the next couple of weeks!)
As an obvious control freak, I’ve been anxiously awaiting the release of Karen Ehman’s book LET. IT. GO.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith!
The Devil’s “Con-” Job
I started reading it this weekend and was struck by Karen’s juxtaposition of “conscientious” and “controlling”:
“There exists a minuscule line between being conscientious and being controlling. A marker so fine, we women cross it without even noticing that it’s stretched out right there in front of us, waiting to trip us up.”
What starts out as con-cern…
…morphs into con-trol…
…which, unchecked, becomes con-tempt.
Has the devil done a “con-” job on us women, or what?
LET. IT. GO.
Show me your ways, O LORD
teach me your paths;guide me in your truth and teach me,for you are God my Savior,and my hope is in you all day long.Psalm 25:4-5
[emphasis mine]
For the next couple of weeks, I’ll be blogging my way through LET. IT. GO.
This humorous, yet spiritually practical book will help us learn how to control what we should, trust God with what we can’t, and more importantly, decide which one is which!
Karen Ehman, a recovering control freak, will equip us to:
- Draw the line between mothering and micromanaging
- Influence our husbands instead of manipulating them
- Take control of our schedule yet welcome interruptions from God
- Learn to control our emotions when we can’t control the circumstances
- Stop pursuing the appearance of perfection and start pursuing the person of God
Your Turn:
- In what area of your life do you have the greatest struggle over control?
- What overly-controlling thing would you go back and not do, if you could?
- Anything else on your heart!
Love this website and a chance to win an amazing book!
Love the Personalities and have to share this with a friend!
As a new mom, there’s been a lot of firsts. The interesting thing is that I find that if I start off being overly-controlling (or burdened) with something, that thing will continue and sometimes control me (ex. my extreme tidiness/organization). If I start off with being more relaxed about it (like not being a perfectionist cleaning) then I find the thought pattern naturally follows me and it’s just not a big deal.
I love to learn to not be so controlling over everyone and every situation that come up with my family!
Yep, I have control issues and everybody knows it. I have been anxiously waiting for this book to come out since Karen first mentioned it.
I have the hardest time around the holidays in letting my children have free reign of the traditions and decorating. I’m sure there are a number of things I have insisted on for the sake of creating memories that they don’t like and wish we didn’t do. I’m trying to relinquish control and allow them to be part of deciding on our family traditions so that they will be fun memories that actually hold meaning for them when they are older.
Yep, control freak I am. God please help me see the errors of my ways!
I struggle the most with controlling my home and my time which causes me to struggle sometimes with my husband and God.
Being in control is probably one of the biggest struggles I deal with. I try and micromange everything my children, my husband, what we wear, what they eat, when and how etc. It seems to never end and we all end up frustrated and disappointed. I’ve been doing the fiveday chaos to calm challenge by email and love it. Can’t wait to get the book to see what else God has instore for me to let go of:)
My biggest control issue is lack of control….does that make any sense? I have swung from too much control to not enough. I need to find balance:) I would love to go back and be more gracious when I didn’t recieve what I thought I wanted for Christmas and accept the gifts in the spirit in which they were given. I hurt alot of feelings and had my feelings hurt over such rediculous things.
I can’t wait to read this book 🙂
I think my biggest control issue is dealing with my college age kids and being able to let them make their own mistakes.
I’m so Type A. Would love to read this!
My biggest control issue is the use of the van. We only have one family vehicle and now I see my youngest daughter repeating my words about the van when I go MIA. Sometimes I just want to Hide in Starbucks from the schedule. Actually, doing that right now.
I need to give our 12 year old room to make his own mistakes. I need to guide, not steer 🙂
This is a Season of Letting Go.
I would go back and be more light-hearted with my boys and not try to control everything!
I’m a recovering perfectionist, ergo a control freak. Suggest a project, event, excursion, and I’m raring to jump in and take control. In the past couple years, God has put me in an organization where I’ve had to curb that need to be in control and follow others. As a reminder, I have a cup holder that says “I’m not in charge. I just know what you should be doing.” I would love to win the book but plan to read it either way.
And I’m going to be reviewing your website to learn more about the personality types you mentioned.
Thank you for your blog.
This sounds like an awesome book!
My husband says I try to control everything. I am an orderly type A personality and I like structure and now my children are becoming ME. I need to learn to LET GO and let others in my family have a say even if it simply what we eat for dinner.
I try and control everything around me so much that I feel like I am completely out of control and about to spontaneously(sp) combust!!!
DeenaK
Iowa
lifelong struggle with inadequacy…..
Prayers for you Kristin…I understand using control as a form of cover!
oooh…I so need to read this book.
Adelle —
So if I get you a copy for your BDay, you won’t be offended?
😉
Would love to win this book…thanks for the chance!
Thank YOU for joining us, Momma Shoe! 🙂
I think that I struggle with control more than I realize. I’m possibly still in denial…
Moms have potential to try to control so much because we feel like if we don’t take the reigns, nothing will get done (at least to our satisfaction!)
Yaya —
I think we also control so much because we see so much to DO. Karen points out that life is so much more complicated than it was in Little Home on the Prairie days! We have so many options, so many needs, so many directions, it lures us into thinking we can have control!
I am anxious to get a copy of this book. I am a recovering control freak. Galatians 1:10 redeemed me from that lifestyle. Praise be to God Almighty!!!
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
SO true…yet so easily overlooked, especially in a church culture that seems to encourage us to do, do, do as a way to please God!
I totally need this book!
Shonda — You’re in very good company! 🙂
Oh, I so need this right now in my parenting journey! I have a daughter going through hormone changes, becoming a preteen. – I pray alot!
Oh, prayers your way, Lana!
SUCH a hard time…for her AND for you! I never knew when to take my daughter seriously…everything was the end of the world. I developed a lot of sympathy for my husband, since she takes after her Drama Queen mama! 🙂
I am looking forward to reading this book, help me with my type A personality!
God bless us Type As — I suspect we’re the ones who coined the phrase “the Lord helps those who help themselves” or at least believe it’s got to be somewhere in the Good Book… 🙂
I have the greatest struggle over trying to control what happens to my adult children. In my mind I thought I was being a good mother. It is only recently that I realized that I was a control freak. This came about as a result of my mother-in-law. Even though my husband and I have been married 36 years, she has started to tell us what to do when it comes to family members (i.e., send a sympathy card, encourage a brother who is unemployed).
As a result of this, I now know what it must feel like for my own children. I have made great progress, but I still struggle with it and have to watch what I say to or do for them.
I’m looking forward to reading your blog, as you journey through letting it go.
Lori —
I SO understand this kind of sudden realization! I’ve been so proud that I’m not “that kind of mom,” but it turns out I am…just in my own way.
So great that you’re using your experiences with your MiL to empathize with your own children!