Nothing’s Worse
My dear friend Kathi shared this with me last December:
And quite unexpectedly, nothing became my 2012 theme.
I lost credit for several courses I’d taken in 2005 because I’ve waited too long to finish my MA program.
All that work to get A+’s…for nothing.
I saw my mother become “the happiest she’s been in 45 years” as Alzheimer’s Disease stole her memory.
All her years of worry, anxiety, and stress…for nothing.
I was asked to contribute to a parenting book but stalled for weeks in fear (okay, “abject terror”!) of failing to write perfectly.
I came so close to settling, once again, for nothing.
For 45 years, I’ve believed the sinister whispers of a liar who loathes God’s girls: “Nothing’s worse than failure.”
Perhaps you have, too.
But now I’m seeing that nothing is, in fact, worse than making mistakes.
Reading comments women wrote when taking our “Women Trying to Measure Up” survey, my heart breaks for all of our nothing.
Thousands of songs we’ve not sung, jokes we’ve not told, walks we’ve not taken, memories we’ve not made.
Girlfriends, it’s high time we stand together and shout at the top of our lungs: “Enough! Enough nothing!”
It’s time to sing out of tune!
Laugh at jokes with forgotten punch lines!
Take walks to nowhere in particular!
And make mountains of memories with those we love.
We must. And we can.
Because of the one nothing we’ll cling to as if our life depends on it (which, of course, it does):
“I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—
nothing living or dead,
angelic or demonic,
today or tomorrow,
high or low,
thinkable or unthinkable—
absolutely nothing
can get between us and God’s love
because of the way that
Jesus our Master has embraced us.”
Romans 8:38-39 (The Message)
So, so often I feel defeated because I feel like I’m not measuring up to others’ requirements. People pleasing is something that I fight against often. I know in my heart that it is not God’s plan for me, but somehow my mind gets twisted into worry. I am trying to seek and follow the plan Jesus has for me each day and not let my fears of others affect me. I love the verse from Romans..especially The Message version.I love these verses as well from Matthew 11:28-30 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Oh, and I also am new to your blog and just looked at your about me only to realize we are both married to a pastor/teacher/musician. I love that we have that in common and that you are years ahead of me in experience. I will definitely be subscribing and visiting here often! Thanks!
Tyanne —
If your husband is all those things, I can guess that you are married to a very creative man! What type of music does he do? Instruments? Vocal?
I’m scared to ask how many years ahead of you I am…since I like to think of myself as just slightly more than 21 (ignoring the fact that my “baby” turns 20 in December!)
So glad you’ve joined me on the journey! I don’t have “all the answers.” But I’m happy to share my experience and what God’s teaching me today!
Cheri,
Thanks for responding! Yes, I am married to a very creative and talented man. He is primarily a vocalist (his undergraduate and masters degrees are in vocal music and conducting) but he also plays piano. He’s recently talked about picking up guitar, though, so we’ll see if that is successful. He is the worship pastor at our church. What about yours?
We are VERY young, so do not feel old when I tell you I am only 26 and my husband is 31! We have been in full time ministry now for only a year and a half, but truly believe it is a life long calling for us. It’s still very new though, so it’s great to read blogs by other pastor’s wives that have been there and done that!
This is a topic that has been on my mind A LOT lately. As a pastor’s wife, perfectionism and fear of not measuring up to what others expect from me can be crippling at times. Unfortunately, I am guilty of doing NOTHING as a safe way to avoid criticism. It’s terrible how quickly a harsh word or criticism can send my mind spinning for days with embarrassment and regret. I’m always praying to grow stronger in this! Thanks for your post!
Tyanne —
I SO understand having a “mind spinning for days with embarrassment and regret”! It’s exhausting for any woman, but especially a PW who is supposed to be a role model and leader for the women in the church.
The more I avoided people who “made me feel that way” (in reality, to whom I responded that way!), the more isolated I became until I felt completely alienated from everyone. My husband’s mentors had predicted I would be one of his greatest assets in ministry, but I ended up being a liability for many years.