Grace for the Good Girl: Worry, Fear, & Anxiety
“Worry is a thief, Fear is a liar, and Anxiety is their trembling, furrow-browed baby. I have lived with this dysfunctional family for the better part of my life. Sometimes I live with them still.
Worry robs me of the peace I know is available.Fear lies and says there is no peace at all.And their immature, screaming baby Anxiety keeps me up at night with her unrelenting cries of what if? and what now? and what will they think?”
What if?
My grandmother lived through the depression. She always traveled with several hard-boiled eggs in her purse. Half-way through any flight, regardless of her hunger level, she’d pull them out and smell up the plane.
Oh, I was trained to worry at a tender age!
What if…
- …there’s no more food?
- …she stops being my BFF?
- …I miss a point on this test?
What now?
(Setting: The eating disorder unit, just before our first family group counseling session.)
My counselors: “People change, Cheri! Just you wait and see!”
Me: “You don’t know my mother.”
My counselors: “Just you wait and see!”
Me: Maybe they know what they’re talking about!
(After the meeting)
My counselors: “Cheri, sometimes you just have to accept…”
My worst fear had come true: there was no hope for me. My only “hope” was to try harder.
What now…
- …that I have two babies and a difficult marriage? Try harder
- …that we need my income but I dread teaching every day? Try harder
- …that I’ve fractured T7 and can’t do what everyone needs me do? Try harder
What will they think?
The summer I was 9, a boy at day camp asked me, “So, do you read the dictionary for fun?”
“Of course!” I answered honestly, thrilled to have found a kindred spirit. Only he didn’t talk to me the rest of the summer.
I can still feel the flush of shame as it dawned on me, days later as he and the “in” girls snickered at me from a distance yet again, that he hadn’t asked a question.
He’d delivered an insult. One I’d been too dense to recognize.
I grew into a mashup of Sanguine PURSE-onality with hypervigilant anxiety.
What will they think…
- …if I talk too fast? too much? too loud?
- …when they see the cat and dog fur on the couch?
- …about my out-of-season mis-matched Ross clothes?
Fear drives.
But Love leads.
“God can do anything, you know –far more than you could everimagine or guess or requestin your wildest dreams!He does it not by pushing us aroundbut by working within us,his Spirit deeply and gently within us.”(Eph. 3:20 Message)
Your Turn!
- How do you know the dysfunctional family of Worry, Fear, and Anxiety?
- Which cry keeps you up at night: What if? What now? What will they think?
- What does “Fear drives. But Love leads” mean to you?
I believe you’re extremely noisy… LOL! I feel like you are touching on so much. I’ve learned to push pass me so others can see Him. I’m not saying it’s easy. Or that I am the best at it. But I press…
Great post and love the picture of Anxiety Girl!
Sometimes I feel like I am one of the “select few” who experiences these feeling and thoughts. Thanks for your thoughtful words and insight, they have blessed my heart this morning.
OH MY! I don’t know exactly how you got into my brain, but this sounds exactly like the thoughts that go through me head constantly! It is some comfort to know that others have these same thoughts and feelings!
SO understand, girlfriend! I’m at the stage of life where I’m (a) glad to know I’m not alone in this, and (b) thrilled to find someone who has been where I’m at/have been AND can articulate how to move elsewhere.
I’m done “listening” to those who preface their advice with “just”….”just don’t think about it!”…”just lower your expectations!”…
“just” means they’ve never been where I’m at. If they had been, they’d know that it’s not a “just” matter. And if they’ve not been where I’m at, then they don’t know the way out!
Give me someone who says, “I remember what that was like…” and I’m all ears!
Definitely need to check out this book!
You can get the back story, download the first chapter, and see the book trailer here:
http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2012/05/31/grace-for-the-good-girl-introduction/
Sometimes anxiety, worry, and fear are my BFFs and other times I can get them to be only acquaintances. Unfortunately they are BFFs more than an acquaintance. This definitely sounds like a book I need…NOW! Thanks for letting me know about it.
Jeannette —
You’re more than welcome! The story behind the book is really a blessing, too. Emily originally pitched a book about “the good girl” for teenagers, fearing that she was unqualified to write for adult women and that there was no market for such a message.
Fortunately, her publisher is a “good girl” too and recognized immediately that we women NEED this book!
The What IFs ring true for me…as well as the Try Harders.
This looks excellent!
Re: “the Try Harders” — just read this in Chapter 2: “I perform because I don’t know how *not* to.” The “Try Harders” put us into performance autopilot.
I’ve got this great poster that says: Someone once asked me, “Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?” and I replied, “Why do you assume I see two roads?”
I feel like Emily understands “one road” myopia.
Oh my wow! I ordered a sample of this book yesterday and just purchased the full book. I don’t think a book has ever captured my thoughts and feelings so well. How do you know the dysfunctional family of Worry, Fear, and Anxiety? Unfortunately I was initiated into this family at an early age, and have been struggling with them ever since.
Which cry keeps you up at night: What if? What now? What will they think? I am a complete “what if” person, I have the ability to come up with every possible situation and scenario available. This is an ability I am more than ready to rid myself of.
What does “Fear drives. But Love leads” mean to you? Fear pushes me to do things and act based on the fear. Love leads, it guides instead of pushes. I am very excited to jump into this book, I seek peace and I know that it will only come from God. But I am open to change and willing to surrender it all to him. Very happy for this resource. 🙂
TEllison —
My “What if” sister! I feel like I’ve lived a few hundred (thousand?) lives because of all the “what if…” scenarios I come up with AND live out, complete with emotions. It’s exhausting, and it keeps me from being fully present in my real here-and-now life.
I’m with you — “more than ready” to be rid of it!!!
SO glad you’re resonating with the book! One way the Holy Spirit works in my life is by bringing resources right when I’m ready for them, and this is clearly the case with this book.
Um, yeah – how did you get a poster of me??? I’ve been writing about Anxiety, Worry and Fear this week – it’s a battle I’ve waged for ages, too. This is a great post and now I will have to BUY THE BOOK (or win a copy here!) cuz I know ALL TOO WELL how that dysfunctional family works!!!
LOL Queen Mommy!!!
I simply took a picture in the mirror! 🙂
Please leave us some links to your blogs on Anxiety, Worry, and Fear — and join our Link-Up tomorrow!!!
You’re so right about this being a battle. I’m SO encouraged that women are coming together to fight it together!
Gia —
I was a basket case of anxiety as a teenager, but nobody had a clue. I sought much human help, and some offered relief, but you’re so right that God is the only real complete answer.
Hi Cheri,
When I was a teenager I had a lot of Anxiety. No one seemed able to help me. My mom took me to the doctor, but the doctor wasn’t able to help. I give God the glory for healing me. I don’t have any Anxiety now. 🙂 I just have What If’s at night that keep me awake at night but I just need to remember that God is in control and I finally fall asleep. Thank you, God.
Sounds like a book I need to read!
Lisa —
I’m a voracious reader who is more than willing to put down a book after the first chapter or two if it doesn’t grab me, and this one’s getting read word-for-word ’til the end! I love her authenticity and honesty…I keep writing, “Me, too!” in the margins!