Grace for the Good Girl: Envy vs. Eagerness
“I felt as if an invisible good girl was following me around wherever I went, showing up without permission to shame and blame and scold….She embodied the good girl version of my current life stage and shamed me accordingly: good student, good leader, good wife, and good mom.She represented the girl I wanted to be but could never live up to. I constantly worried that my imperfect status would be discovered. I often experienced guilt but didn’t know why. I felt the heavy weight of impossible expectations and had the insatiable desire to explain every mistake. My battle with shame was constant and hovering.”Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life
I got to hear Emily Freeman present at the She Speaks Conference a couple weeks ago. The information she shared was excellent; her off-hand comments and ad-lib comedy were even better!
Later, I introduced myself in an over-eager babble of incoherence. The only half-intelligent thing I said was, “I’m so glad for you and your children that you’ve figured this out now rather than waiting ‘til you’re my age.”
I jokingly told Emily that I envied her – just a bit! – for taking off her good girl “masks” so young.
just a bit
Who do I think I’m kidding?
Ten years ago, when I first wrote and shared my testimony, Florence Littauer was surprised by my “good girl” approach. She said she’d never heard anyone give a “good girl” testimony and encouraged me to develop it into my keynote talk.
That was all the encouragement I needed, of course, to freeze in fear and do what came so naturally: nothing.
What I didn’t tell Emily is that I envied her – more than just a bit! – for writing the book I was supposed to write.
“the heavy weight of impossible expectations”
Okay, the book I wish I had written but too many complicating factors and poor choices and just plain “life” got in the way.
“the insatiable desire to explain every mistake”
All right, the book that I would have written…if only…
“My battle with shame was constant and hovering”
Yeah, I envied Emily.
Then I recognized my invisible good girl at work and told her to go take a hike, packing all her “supposed to”s and “wish I had”s and “if only”s with her.
Far greater than my fleeting envy is my eagerness to read Grace for the Good Girl.
‘cause my name is Cheri, and I am a “Good Girl”…
…who needs all the grace she can get!
Your turn!
- What’s been your experience of being a “good girl”?
- In what ways have you lived “the try-hard life”?
- What would “letting go” mean for you?
I always considered myself a goody two shoes and proud of it. But I didn’t realize it was keeping me from experiencing God’s grace and love deeply. It took losing my baby to really get His love for me. To get a story, my own story, of what His grace and love truly feels like. It was a blinding, self-righteous life and now I see the world with different eyes.
I have been wanting to read this book. Thanks for Blogging on it, I would love to win a copy
“I am a “Good Girl”…
…who needs all the grace she can get!”
when I read this I immediately said “oh yes me too!” Every once in awhile that “good girl” who hopes she is “good enough” peeks out and I just have to remember GRACE. Thank God for it. So love your transparency in this post and I second what Emily said…write the book. Every story is different and every story needs to be heard. Do it. Thanks for sharing! Blessings!
Would love a copy of this book!
this is MUCH needed Cheri. Thank You. ♥
Dolores
I’m thrilled you’re doing this. Love your honesty here, Cheri. Love it so much.
And now you need to go ahead and write that book.
I always heard, growing up, that I could ______ if I just tried hard enough. Well, that somehow transferred over to my new life as a follower of Christ, but I now work to shut down the “shoulds” before they paralyze me!
Aaahhh… letting go: I would consider what God thinks of me and desires for me much quicker than I would consider what my mom thinks of me and how I’m doing. Certainly, my daughters’ messy hair and stained clothes, and this messy house wouldn’t cause me the grief they have! (I’ve got 5 blessings, aged 6 and under, for goodness’ sake!) God is so faithful to remind me again and again that my priority is to love and train my children, not keep everything looking pretty.
HI! I looked around for your email,but didn’t find it. I wanted to personally thank you for the Purse-onality cd I received in the mail for taking the survey. I can’t even tell you how enjoyable your presentation was and how much I learned and saw the need to apply these principles to my own life. You are a gifted speaker, no doubt. God bless,
~Karen in New York
Well, I, the perfectionist, had grand ideas of doing this study with some girlfriends a few months ago (even mentioned it to them and tried to arrange it), and when I couldn’t find a time that worked for all of us, I just gave it up. Thanks for the encouragement to dig it out and begin where I am.
I can so relate to this good girl obsession. Sounds like a fantastic book!
Cheri,
Check out Brene Brown’s TED talks on Vunerability and Shame. Good stuff.
Really wanting to read this book. Would love to win a copy.
Joy S.
I love Brene Brown – her stuff is spot on. She’s legit.
Perfectionism. Always trying to be perfect…Such a problem for me.
I so need to read this book. I have felt guilty for years for not being “good enough”. Not a “good enough” daughter, wife, mother, sister, housekeeper. And the list goes on & on.
Could you please sign the copy I am going to win?! 😉