Day 8: VICTORIOUS (+ Heading Off Holiday Hurts)
Start Here:
- How It Works (via Bullet Points & Videos!)
- Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)
- Day 2: CHOSEN – Making Right Holiday Choices
- Day 3: COMPLETE (+ 5 Gift-Giving Questions)
- Day 4: PURE (+ Goodbye, Ghosts of Christmas Past)
- Day 5: RIGHTEOUS (+ Rituals vs. Relationships)
- Day 6: FORGIVEN (+ The Story I Choose to Tell)
- Day 7: FREE (+ 14+ Ways to Enjoy “Free” Holy-Days!)
Annoying vs. Hurtful
I try to avoid two kinds of people during the holidays.
The first are those who simply annoy me.
I tell myself, starting weeks in advance, “If they so much as __, so help me, I’m going to _____!”
Not surprisingly, by the time the holiday rolls around, I am so keyed up that I _____ long before they have a chance to __!
This is a petty, immature, attitude issue that I need to take to God.
The second kind are hurtful people.
Now, I know that I can be “highly-sensitive” to unintentional pain. So I must make my own overly-easily hurt-ness a matter of prayer and surrender.
But I also know that some people use the holidays as a chance to violate and victimize others. This is a safety issue for which I must earnestly seek the Holy Spirit’s counsel.
Holiday Hurts Happen
I looked up the words “violate” and “victim” to see which one has the stronger connotation. Neither are cheery words; neither have joyous definitions. But hoping that everybody will just “play nice” during the holidays is naive.
Perhaps today’s post is one you can skim quickly and say, “Oh, this one doesn’t really apply to me!”
And I’m not suggesting that we wallow in holiday hurts.
I am suggesting that we spend some prayerful moments seeking God’s guidance regarding any less-than-safe and outright unsafe people we may encounter.
I am suggesting that we spend some prayerful moments seeking God’s guidance regarding any less-than-safe and outright unsafe people we may encounter.
“Violate” means to
- break, infringe, or transgress
- break in upon or disturb rudely; interfere thoughtlessly with
- break through or pass by force or without right
- treat irreverently or disrespectfully; desecrate; profane
- molest sexually
A “victim” is
- one who suffers from an injurious action or agency
- a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency
- a person or animal sacrificed or regarded as sacrificed
Those are the bad news words.
Thankfully, the good news says
No, despite all these things,overwhelming victory is oursthrough Christ, who loved us.Romans 8:37 (NLT)
Overwhelming victory is ours!
3 Kinds of Victory Prayers (Click to Tweet this.)
Now is the time pray victory over potentially pain-full people situations that may occur during the holidays.
1) Pray for a change of heart to change my attitude.
I can make a list (and check it twice!) of the people I know I get irritated with. And I can use my PURSE-onality “gift card” and journal to help me literally re–mind myself of their strengths and focus on reasons for gratitude (rather than fixating on my “baditude”!)
2) Pray for a “thicker skin” to handle the normal bumps and bruises of hanging out with flawed people.
I can write a few go-to scripts that incorporate verses from Days 1-12, which affirm my identity in Christ. This will help me pray-pare, well in advance, to deflect the barbs and jabs that just seem to naturally fly in a room full of flawed human egos.
3) Pray for keen discernment regarding boundaries for myself, my children, and my family.
I can ask God to guide me toward conversations I might need to have prior to the holidays regarding:
- people my children will not be left alone with
- words that may not be spoken in my or my children’s presence (and consequences if they are)
- behaviors I have tolerated in the past that I will not accept this year (ditto)
Loving Impossible People
Most of the “impossible” people I’ll encounter this holiday season will be harmless. I pray that the same is true for you.
And honestly, the most “impossible” person I’ll have to deal with in the upcoming months is the one in the mirror.
I’m so glad that despite all of her issues, overwhelming victory is mine through Christ who is the reason for the holiday season!
Your Turn!
- What kinds of holiday behaviors get on your annoyance nerves?
- Do you tend to be “thin-skinned” or “thick-skinned” in family gatherings when the good-natured joking gets a little out of hand?
- How have you dealt with setting boundaries regarding words or behavior during the holidays?
- What’s one of the funniest holiday memories you can share?
- Anything else on your heart!
My husband and I are praying every time we go visit my parents (1,5h drive away). We especially pray that Jesus can shine through us since my parents don’t have a relation ship with HIM (maybe my mom has…). I’m always afraid there might come an argument or that past hurts come up… As for Christmas, what annoys me: My family is so much into gift-giving! I don’t like them to buy so many presents for our now 2year old daughter – but they don’t care about our opinion on that. Then, there is always so much noise in the house: The TV is on (almost the whole day long!), Kids are loud, toys are loud, grown-ups are loud. All men are watching TV while women are preparing food and playing with the kids. This is stressing me so out! After reading the blog on high-sensitivity – I think I belong to this group of people.
Neta —
Bless your heart! Sounds like a lot of potential triggers involved in your holidays with very little opportunity to set/enforce boundaries. I’ll be praying that you can be a loving witness to your family while also being aware of, and caring for, your own needs.
For me, even small changes made a difference. For example, when relatives inundated our children with gifts (far too many, in my opinion), I let the kids know ahead of time that we would be opening them slowly and enjoying them before moving on to more gifts. My husband and I enforced that so we didn’t end up in an “opening frenzy.” I couldn’t control how many gifts they were given, but we did try to slow down the pace and help them develop gratitude for each gift rather than just plow thru one so they could get to the next.
This is so true. I often feel my family reverts back to the way they treated me as a child. I think they forget sometimes that I have children, am a grown-up, and that I am not that person anymore. It can be hurtful to this highly sensitive person!
SO true! It took me years to realize that when we visit either family of origin, our families treat us as they did when we last lived at home…and our behavior quickly reverts, too! I know it was baffling when I was a young wife being utterly ignored (in my opinion!) and I know my husband felt slighted when we visit my family. So on top of everything else we expect, try to do, need, and want at Christmas, we aren’t even our “normal” selves! Definitely need to pray without ceasing! 🙂
I tend to be a very thin skinned person. I take things too personally and don’t know how to react to others when I feel like they are picking at me. Growing up I felt like I was constantly being pick at by my classmates, my sister, and my family. I never felt like I could do anything right. I wished for thick skin so I wouldn’t get hurt so easily but God has chosen to grow me and shape me with thin skin. He has shown me so much through all of the experiences and to this day I am learning so much more about myself and all that He has done through me even with thin skin.
Kristina —
I so understand! And like you, I’m coming to the place where I realize that my sensitivity is a gift God can use. I’m also learning how to use this gift responsibly and how to take the kind of care of myself that I need. So grateful that He keeps teaching us!
Thank you for this. I like advice about praying now for me to be thick-skinned and setting boundaries. I believe this Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be harder than normal for me, so I really need to approach them with prayer.
Thanks and God Bless,
Kim in NC
Kim —
I’ll be praying with and for you! I’m sorry you’re facing a harder than normal holiday season. But glad you’re not going in unprepared. God will lead, guide, and speak to you.
Thank you Cheri. I really appreciate that!
God Bless,
Kim
I notice that I tend to be fine with my family (traditions, jokes, etc.), but rather thin-skinned with the in-laws. It can get on my nerves how critical they are to each other, and even that they have a lack of traditions. This is what I will be praying for this Christmas season!
Alyssa —
I hear you there! I’ve had to realize that I am far more likely to be critical of things my in-laws do/say than I am of my own family when they do/say the same kinds of things. If it happens in my family, then it’s “familiar” and within my comfort zone. Un-family-iar may be uncomfortable, but I’m learning to remind myself that it’s not wrong or bad…just different!
The most annoying behavior to me is when I am cooking/baking the meal and get all kinds of advice on how I should be doing this or doing that, you put pepper in that?, I don’t make mine that way, that’s going to make it too spicy, etc. The person giving me advice doesn’t even like to cook! I want to scream,”Get out of my kitchen!” I don’t, of course. It’s hard enough to get the meal done w/o having to defend the way you make everything on top of it. I do keep my cool, but it’s really hard!
Shelly —
You are reminding me of the last time I made a meal at my parents’ house. My father was in the kitchen and, uncharacteristically kept taking things from me (like the carrot I was pealing) and showing me how to do them! Sure had to pray my way through that day. I realized later that it’s not about him thinking I’m incompetent…he’s just gotten used to doing things a certain way now that he’s doing all the cooking.
One of the funniest holiday memories is when we exchange a “special” gift with my brother and sister-in-law. These gifts are based on something that has happened throughout the year.
One such time was the time we went on a whirlwind trip to visit Yellowstone Park over Labor Day weekend. To remember this fun trip, my husband and I put together a collage of pictures from that trip. One of the pictures was all black with the caption “Old Faithful.” There wasn’t an actual picture of “Old Faithful,” because we never got to see it in the daylight. After numerous stops along the way, by the time we got to Yellowstone Park, it was dark out. Even though we didn’t get to see it, we did get to hear it.
Nothing like the sound of laughter when these “special” gifts are opened.
Lori —
ROFl re: the black photo of Old Faithful! I need to be more intentional about coming up with gifts that hook into a shared memory. That kind of laughter is truly priceless!