Day 2: CHOSEN – Making Right Holiday Choices
Start here:
“I feel lonely during the holidays.”
“I feel as if ‘everyone else’ is together and having so much fun.”
“This Christmas will be the first since the separation /divorce, so I won’t be going to some gatherings (but have to make sure the kids get to them).”
Feeling Left Out
Nobody likes feeling left out.
Our extroverted Sanguines love being the center of attention and Cholerics like orchestrating the action.
And while our introverted Melancholies and Phlegmatics tend to be drained by people rather than energized, they don’t want to be excluded. They like to be invited, to have the option to decline or to come for a while and then leave when they’re ready.
We want to be wanted.
We need to be needed.
We long to be chosen.
And the good news is: We already are!
Already Chosen
I am chosen by God: past tense, continuing indefinitely!
I don’t need to ask, “Has God really chosen me?”
He’s made it crystal clear:
“You didn’t choose me. I chose you.
I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit,
so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for,
using my name.”
John 15:16
But I do need to ask: Have I chosen God or have I chosen me?
My answer will be evident in my attitudes and actions.
Choosing the Right Gifts
I love choosing gifts.
I browse catalogs year-round, imagining how much fun it’ll be to watch (for example) my daughter’s face as she opens a gift I’ve picked out just for her.
“Where did you get this?” she’ll gasp in amazement.
“That’s my secret!” I’ll reply smugly. “I saw it and thought of you.”
I’m intentional as I choose gifts, matching a unique item with the special person who will appreciate it most.
Choosing the Right Attitudes
Sadly, I’m not nearly as care-full about choosing my attitude.
Instead of gauging whether my current state of mind will bless or curse others, I take a one-size-fits-all approach:
Everyone gets the same “baditude,” like it or not.
And I don’t even include a gift receipt in case they want to return it!
That’s what happens when I choose me.
Choosing the Right Actions
Jesus tells me clearly what kind of “lasting fruit” my attitude and actions will bear when I choose Him:
I will choose to love others.
Even though each PURSE-onality makes this challenging in their own way:
- Sanguine enthusiasm can inundate.
- Choleric accomplishment can intimidate.
- Melancholy precision can frustrate.
- Phlegmatic calm can irritate.
But I will choose to love others, because I am chosen. (Click to Tweet this.)
And I won’t dwell on whether others choose me, because I am chosen.
The Greatest Gift
The lyrics to a well-known Christmas song ask, “So what can I give Him?”
The answer: “I’ll give Him my heart.”
It’s a good answer.
But what might “I’ll give Him my heart” look like, in action, during the upcoming days and weeks?
When I need to love others who make themselves hard to love? those who choose not to choose me?
I will try whispering, “Happy Birthday, Jesus.”
And because I am chosen, give His love to those I can not love on my own…and to those who choose not to choose me.
I’ll give Him my heart by choosing Him rather than me.
I don’t need to choose me.
He already has.
Your Turn:
- Do you find it hard to love a particular PURSE-onality? Which one and why?
- How might mentally preparing to pray “Happy Birthday, Jesus” when you encounter challenging people during the holidays make a difference for you?
- Anything on your heart!
I’m commenting through bittersweet tears. My mom was always strong for me – when my father passed away and then my husband two and half years later. Even with her own heart breaking, she took care of us all. It was my privilege and honor and heartbreak to take care of her her last few years of life when she slipped away bit by bit to dementia. I treasure those days and the lucid moments that became rarer but more precious as time went by. i know she is fully and gloriously restored in heaven with her Lord and that gives me great joy. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Thank you for the wonderful post! Beautifully written!
Kristina —
Thank you! 🙂
I just found out about you from Sheila Gregoire’s blog and I definitely need this. Thank you!!
Lori —
Glad you’re joining us! And you are more than welcome…any time we can journey together rather than alone, shame loses and we all grow!
What a great post .. just found out today about this so looking forward to continue to read this series. Thank you – any help to reduce stress during Christmas and to really celebrate the true meaning of Christmas is very important.
Precious —
You’re welcome! I agree: less stress, more blessed! 🙂
Thank you for this. I wouldn’t say that I am one of those that gets overly stressed during Christmas, but I do sometimes. I am looking forward to this. Saying “Happy Birthday Jesus” is a great way to help me deal with people that I want to have a bad attitude with.
Thanks and God Bless,
Kim in NC
Kim —
You’re welcome!
I just ran across the quote that made me think of saying “Happy Birthday, Jesus.” It’s from Mother Teresa, speaking of the poorest of the poor: “Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.” What would Christmas be like if I treated everyone as “Jesus in disguise”?
Dear Cheri,
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my comments. I really appreciate it.
My daughter and I read a biography of Mother Teresa for homeschool. I really enjoyed it. She was a remarkable lady. I will have to save the quote you found.
Thanks and God Bless,
Kim in NC
Wow, what a simple way to turn your mind and attitude back to Jesus! I am going to commit to saying “Happy Birthday Jesus!” any time I find myself getting too stressed out by the season.
Alyssa —
Let me know how it works for you! I was going to try “Jesus, I choose you,” which I think could be very powerful, too. But since I want to really focus on Jesus as the reason for the season, I opted for “Happy Birthday.” The more specific, the better, for me!
Cheri..another great, thought-provoking piece. I do believe that I have a great deal of melancholy with a touch of choleric in there, but there are choleric members of the family who I really have a hard time dealing with. There are two in particular, one on my side, one on my hubbies. They tend to control everything and nobody ever seems to want to tell them no(which at Christmas time could be very stressful). I cant tell you how many activities I’ve been ‘forced’ to participate in. Thanks for some great advice!
God bless!
Oh Lisa Maria!
More than one Choleric in the family? This gives new purpose to “pray without ceasing”! I can totally believe all the activities you’ve been “forced” to participate in…I’ll be writing about that sometime this month, but I can tell you now that I have no easy answers.
I can tell you from experience that most Cholerics have no clue how they’re coming across. (I figured this out about myself the first time I was videotaped!)
I love my mother dearly, but she becomes one of the “challenging” people during the holiday season. She has very structured ideas and plans for holiday traditions which, while a part of me has come to expect and accept them, another part of me sometimes wants to opt out of so much “family obligation” and focus more on enjoying the season and the real reason for it. I suspect that my desire for more focus on the “reason” is my heart longing for more time with Jesus during all the “busy-ness.” Probably the best way to connect with the family traditions AND celebrate the reason for the season will be focused, more-frequent prayer and devotional time with Jesus. Happy Birthday, Jesus!
Joanna —
Are we long-lost sisters? 🙂 Your mother sounds very familiar to me. Your “best way” sounds very wise. I know from past years that I tend to let my devotion and prayer time slide because I’m so busy doing good things for the holidays…time to turn that up-side-down approach around!
I really am enjoying this! I oh, so want to be in the right frame of mind to enter the holidays! I want to love Christmas again, not just like it! – – Great challenge!
Lana —
I’m so glad! I’m with you — I used to love Christmas, but then it got to the point that I didn’t even decorate for several years. I finally realized that something HAD to change — and it really is my frame of mind!
Only 2 days in and I am LOVING this series! Just a great way to get into the holidays with a right heart. Thank you
Darcy Shetler
Darcy —
Thank YOU! Nothing like having good girlfriends along for the journey!
I need to remember that loving others needs to come first. I want to bless others with my words and my gifts! Thanks!
Shonda —
Remembering is the tricky part, isn’t it? It’s so easy for me to rationalize that what I’m doing for others is my way of loving them, so if they would just let me get it all done, they would feel loved! (Of course, if I bothered to ask them what makes them feel loved, they probably would not say “Oh, Mom, I feel SO loved when you do all that stuff that makes you stressed and grouchy”!)
I love Christmas, but hate it at the same time. We had some very difficult times around Christmas growing up, and I can get very grumpy and emotional when things don’t go right. It is always a crazy time of year for us, and I definitly want to focus on just remembering what Christmas is all about and asking Christ to give a Christmas peace in my heart!
Jasmine —
I understand your love/hate relationship with Christmas! Some of the hardest childhood memories I have center around Christmas, and they resurface each year. Slowly learning to accept the memories (rather than run from them) and hand them over to God to handle.
I just found you via Sheila Gregoire’s blog and I am super excited!!! I have had a bad attitude about Christmas since I saw people pinning stuff last month! I cringe and I WANT to enjoy Christmas. This blog is PERFECT for me! Thank you!!!!
Mary —
So glad you found us! I’m glad I’m not the only one who cringes but WANTS to enjoy Christmas!