Day 19: BLESS
Cheri (venting to my son): I’ve had it up to hear with Ramon! He’s impossible! Disrespectful, antagonistic, hates my class, hates me, refuses to learn. I can’t do anything with him!
Jonathon (contemplatively): I just wish I knew him better…
Cheri (vengefully): I know him as well as I need to know him.
Jonathon (gently): Maybe you only know him as much as you want to know him.
Ouch.
The truth hurts.
Especially when spoken in love by one I trust!
I Make You All About Me
On my own, I am hyper-sensitive to negativity. I filter your behavior through suspicion:
- Are you my enemy?
- Do you hate me?
- Are you cursing me?
- Do you mistreat me?
Strangers, it would make sense for me to screen this way. But no, I save my hyper-est vigilance for those closest to me: family, friends, students, colleagues, church members.
Ramon is a perfect example of how easily I vilify people God has called me to love:
- Yes, he was a very difficult student.
- Yes, he was blatant in telling me he couldn’t stand me or my class.
- Yes, he badmouthed me to my face, to students, to administration, to his parents.
- Yes, he disrupted class, especially with devastatingly subtle body language.
I was “right” about all of Ramon’s negativity. But I was wrong in my response.
I focused on me and
- how much I like my students to like me.
- how hard it is for me to face a student–day in and day out–when I know he actively dislikes me.
- how easily offended I am when a student “talks trash” about me.
- how quickly I melt down in the face of disrespect.
In my mind, I transformed Ramon from son of God into a caricature: an “impossible” student.
End. of. story.
He Makes Me All About You
(Can’t see image? Download Luke 6:27-28 here!)
In a comment on Day 3, Patti JC wrote:
My process for today is to try to put myself in another person’s shoes if they irritate me while driving….if someone pulls out and is oblivious to me behind them, I can think “maybe this person has just received bad news of some kind & isn’t focused on what they’re doing” or “maybe they’re having a bad day and yelling at the kids; my attitude toward them could only compound their issues“, etc.
Empathy is such a powerful choice!
SO the opposite of accusation and contempt.
“Maybe” allows for the reason to remain unknown, which is hard.
We tend to do pretty well being empathetic when we know the reason and it makes sense to us. But when all we have to go on is our own imagination and “maybe,” THAT is love in action.
I arrived at empathy for Ramon too late. Not until April did I take my eyes off myself long enough to glimpse the world through his eyes.
He knew nobody liked him. But he didn’t understand why. He was a confused, hurting, mixed-up kid who needed someone to take the time to get to know him.
Jonathon’s comment, “I just wish I knew him better!” has stayed with me. I did not try hard enough to get to know Ramon, and my regret keeps me mindful that Christ calls me to
- love the Ramons in my life…no matter how “difficult” that may feel.
- do good for the Ramons in my life…even if they actively dislike me.
- bless the Ramons in my life…despite any face-to-face badmouthing and behind-the-back trash talking.
- pray for the Ramons in my life…regardless of how they treat me.
Try this today:
Make a list of the “Ramons” in your life. (If any are family members, keep the list tucked away!) Keep it with your journal and prayerfully seek one way to Love, Do good, Bless, and/or Pray for one “Ramon” today.
Leave a comment!
- responding to today’s blog, and/or
- sharing your Day #1-19 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
- about anything else on your heart!
I have 2 Ramons in my life. One I can help. The other, I can only pray for, but recently I came to the conclusion (probably the Holy Spirit!) that, instead of complaining about this person, I need to pray for her. God’s only reinforced that. But it’s hard! I don’t want to pray for her. She hurt us (badly) and she claims to be a Christian. That’s why it’s even harder! She should know better. But I do know her life is harder, divorced, 3 kids, health issues, car accident etc. God needs to keep reminding me of that.
Being empathetic is such a simple task – think I’ll practice that one a little more this week!! Walk a mile in their shoes…….
I have a list of family members. I am not going to share names here for sake of privacy, but I am praying for one each day of the week. I also added my name so I could pray for myself that I would not be bitter, resentful and carry a grudge when reconciliation is brought to the table.
M. of Melissa’s Musings A Product Review Blog
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Over time I’ve learned that the “Ramons” in my life are actually just wanting some attention, someone to love them. They are afraid to let their guard down and they choose to pick at people so others don’t know more about them. It may be issues of pride or insecurity…I’m really not sure but God has shown me that I need to reach out to them and show compassion instead of letting them step all over me. When I was working if someone was unkind to me I would try to do or say something kind to them or for them. It was all God because there is no way I wanted to do that but He is in control and I’m glad that He is showing me the way.
So easy to love the nice ones…. Thanking God that He loves us when we so don’t deserve it!
Vicky
I am so behind on the challenge, I’m only on Day 3. However, I am doing it, slowly but surely. I really appreciate the verses at the end! Thanks again for doing this.
God Bless,
Kim in NC
I know a few Ramons. Some of those may think I am a Ramon too.
Its like the expression “When you point a finger at someone, you have 4 pointing back at you”.
Oh, thank you! It’s not about me; less of me and more if You, God.
Heidi J
It is way too easy for me to be me focused instead of others focused – thank you for the reminder today.
This is a good reminder for me to use the blessings that I have been given to share with EVERYONE around me.
This is so true. It’s so easy to make it all about us when someone does wrong. Instead, we need to focus even more on them.
Amazing!! And I would be so blessed to receive this kit! Thank you Cheri! Your blogs have turned my life around!! Keep going and blessing everyone ot meet!
God bless,
Mariah
I have a few Ramons that I need to pray for and love and get to know better.
When I’m frustrated with someone I really need to see past that. I will choose to bless instead!
Thank you so much for sharing your own personal experiences. It really helps to hammer in your points. Really appreciate your honesty and openness.
Today’s challenge is one of the hardest things to do. We live in a world where we base our decisions on what we see. We need to shift gears and live based on faith. We have to trust this command that God has called us to do. Connie Y
I’m trying to have a more postive outlook on things but it seems like one thing after another seems to hit me. I think if we complain a lot it is because satan is keeping us from recognizing our blessings and is allowing us to focus only on ourselves and not see others around us that we could lift up in prayer or lift up with just a few sweet words.If we help others in a bad situation, we are doing God’s work and we will be blessed by it. So, we can contribute to our own blessings from God just by stopping the complaints and taking a look around at others hurting or in need and be God’s blessing to them through us. They will be blessed, you will be blessed and God will get all the glory!
This challenge has been SO helpful and well-written. Today’s topic is very timely for me. I was just dreading spending time with a friend who sometimes pressures me.
Thank you for another thought provoking challenge.
Luke 6:27-28 is so hard to do. But I am striving daily to do. .love your enies is not as hard as pray for those that despitefully use you. Because I can’t pray for something bad to happen to them, because they are treating me wrong. I can have VICTORY with the help of God. HELP LORD is my prayer!
In the morning I have been praying daily for help in all these areas and for God to use me and be an example for him…
I deal with a person on a daily basis that “I” have made a frustrating situation…He has been in my prayers ….ever since the blog about “Im not God” or making it all about what I want “the world according to Me”…and now this….God I am on the right track…
This persons name is “Ramon”…Forgive me God when I didnt take the time until now to put myself in this persons shoes…
This is exactly what God placed on my heart recently about someone I know who is mean, inconsiderate, antagonistic, forceful with opinions, always right & does no wrong! I was so steamed at her heartless & ungodly behavior until God told me to see her as a person lacking something that caused her to behave that way. Wow! Boy did that change my perspective. Now I can look at her & see something is missing or broken inside to make her think treating others that way is okay, and I can pray for her earnestly because I’m looking beyond the actions to the heart. I shared this with a friend earlier this week. It’s so easy for us to get caught up in our feelings & not look beyond the surface. Thank you for posting this! 🙂
i need to hand my will over to God more than ever and open my heart!