Day 18: PERSEVERE (+2 Cures for Procrastination)
A few days ago, after I’d finally gotten started on a project I’d been putting off for days, I texted my daughter, “The worst part of any task is avoiding it.”
She responded, “IT IS. UGH. Avoidance is actually SO anxiety-producing but it doesn’t relieve or resolve any of my fears!”
Procrastination’s False Promises
[Love] always protects, always trusts, alwayshopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.1 Corinthians 13:7-8a (NIV)
One of my biggest obstacles to persevering is procrastination.
It promises me, “Oh, hang out with me! I’ll take your pain!”
And then it stabs me in the back.
Ever. So. Slowly.
The Procrastination Cycle
Here’s how I experience procrastination:
A. I say “yes”
This is the point of great CONFIDENCE.
As a Sanguine, I do this for the fun! A Melancholy may say “yes” to make sure things are done right. For a Choleric, it may be the challenge. For a Phlegmatic, it may be a sincere desire to help.
B. I get Busy (life happens)
For a Sanguine, this means that I’m probably forgetting all about the commitment.
A Melancholy has it on her calendar, but current projects are taking longer than they should to get “just right.”
The Choleric is probably adding more and more to their load because people keep asking and they keep volunteering.
The Phlegmatic is trying, probably quite successfully, not to think about the commitment at all.
C. I panic
ANXIETY strikes.
Suddenly, the deadline looms. I realize I can’t possibly fulfill my commitment in the way I agreed to fulfill it. I can’t possibly feel the way I had planned to feel about it.
This is where the Sanguine is likely to call and cancel, often with an elaborate story of how much she wishes she could, how bad she feels about not, etc., etc., etc. Or she may call in the reinforcements and get a bunch of hard-working friends and family members to “rescue” her.
The Melancholy can’t imagine backing out and is likely to do whatever it takes––lost sleep, lack of meals, raging headache––to do what she promised. She’s likely to hyper-focus on some details that may not even matter to anyone else, so all her self-sacrifice will go unnoticed.
A Choleric will figure out the bottom line of what absolutely has to be done and plow through it, often leaving a wake of hurt feelings to which she is utterly oblivious. The goal was to get it done, and she got it done. The end.
Our Phlegmatic may disappear altogether. Stop responding to e-mails. Let the phone ring. Anything to avoid facing anyone until the deadline has actually passed, and it’s too late for anything to be done.
D. I feel relief
Regardless of PURSE-onality, once the deadline is past, we feel some form of relief.
The Sanguine may become extra bubbly and happy.
The Melancholy may resolve to “do better next time.”
The Choleric has moved on.
The Phlegmatic is just glad the pressure is off.
The Danger of Relief
The danger of Point D on the Procrastination Cycle is that the feeling of relief gives me a sense of — you guessed it! — CONFIDENCE!And where’s the point of CONFIDENCE on the cycle?
Oh, back at Point A: I Say Yes.
So instead of truly learning a lesson, I’m back where I started.
Flooded with adrenalin, determined to have my fun / perfection / achievement / peace, I commit once again, and the not-so-merry-go-round starts all over again.
Procrastination Cure #1: Six Questions
Six vital questions: Why? Am? I? Doing? This? Now?
I’ve blogged about these before:
Ask these before making a commitment. Or A.S.A.P. after making a commitment.
You may discover this is something you should not do at all…or at least not now.
Realizing that you need to say “no” or that you need to back out sooner rather than later is Cure #1.
Procrastination Cure #2: 10 Minutes on the Elliptical
All summer long, Daniel and I had this lovely routine of getting up, spending an hour in our chairs by our bay window with our Bibles, exercising for 45+ minutes, and having breakfast together.
Then the 2012-2013 school year hit. With a vengeance.
I was so exhausted by the second day, I could barely get out of bed, let alone exercise for 45 minutes.
But I did something I’ve never done before: I committed to spending 10 minutes on the elliptical.
Every day.
No, it wasn’t the 45-60 minutes I’d been doing during the summer.
But it also wasn’t 0.
After five weeks of 10 minutes a day, I finally had the energy to start building back up to 15, then 20, then 25, then 30, and I’m back on my way to 45.
What’s amazing is how valuable just 10 minutes really has been.
- I kept my chronic back pain at bay.
- I kept my muscle tone.
- Most importantly, I kept my identity as a woman who perseveres intact.
I believe that every commitment we make has its own equivalent of “10 minutes on the elliptical.” (Click to Tweet this.)
Some small step of progress. One today. Another tomorrow. A third the next day. Anything we do to keep avoidance from creeping in and procrastination from taking hold is Cure #2.
Persevering Through Holidays and in Relationships
Cure #1 can apply to our holiday commitments and our relationships:
- Some of them we don’t know how we even got into.
- Some of them we really don’t need to be involved in.
- Some of them we need to get out of.
Cure #2 can also apply to holiday commitments and our relationships:
- We can do something every day to move forward.
- We can do SOMEthing rather than NOthing to keep us (or get us!) out of the all-or-nothing trap.
- We can experience the joy of persevering rather than the pain of procrastination.
Your Turn:
- Does any stage of the Procrastination Cycle sound familiar?
- Which cure seems most timely for you?
- Anything else on your heart!
Catch up on the Holiday Ready Heart Series here:
- How It Works (via Bullet Points & Videos!)
- Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)
- Day 2: CHOSEN – Making Right Holiday Choices
- Day 3: COMPLETE (+ 5 Gift-Giving Questions)
- Day 4: PURE (+ Goodbye, Ghosts of Christmas Past)
- Day 5: RIGHTEOUS (+ Rituals vs. Relationships)
- Day 6: FORGIVEN (+ The Story I Choose to Tell)
- Day 7: FREE (+ 14+ Ways to Enjoy “Free” Holy-Days!)
- Day 8: VICTORIOUS (+ Heading Off Holiday Hurts)
- Day 9: NEW (+ The Power to Get or to Give?)
- Day 10: CONFIDENT (+ 10 Ways to Keep Christ in Christmas)
- Day 11: MASTERPIECE (+ Being Content With What I DO Have)
- Day 12: INSEPARABLE (+ Missing Loved Ones at the Holidays)
- Day 13: DELIVERED (+ Why the Holidays Can Overwhelm)
- Day 14: TRUST (+ How Each PURSE-onality Can Get Day Overwhelmed)
- Day 15: PATIENT (+ Practicing Now for Patience Then)
- Day 16: NO RECORD (+ How to Have Grudge-Free Holidays)
- Day 17: TRUTH (Each PURSE-onality’s Take on Truth)
Cherie…thank you! Yes, I do have a strong work ethic. It was drilled into me by my father who was a hard task-master! Now, I struggle with trying to keep a healthy balance in my own home with a husband and children who are the total opposite of me. Its a constant cycle of biting my tongue and giving grace and then having a meltdown when I cant take it any more. So, I really do appreciate the information you are giving in this post…it helps me to understand them better.
God bless you!
I see many of my family members’ personalities in this post! Procrastination is something I absolutely hate…I’m the girl who can’t stand to have something to do and keep putting it off. I work at it until it’s done. Unfortunately from my husband (who I believe is phlegmatic) go down…my family is the complete opposite! It. drive. me. nuts!
Thank you for this great insight into their thinking! I know this sounds like I think I’m above it… I do put off distasteful tasks at times, but it just keeps calling to me until I HAVE to do it. Am I coming off as OCD here 😉
Exercise…now there’s something I DO procrastinate about. My sister recently gave us her Orbitrek and I tried 5 mins and almost passed out! I have yet to work up the courage to get back on, but I am grateful for the inspiration you give in this article. I will continue to try for those 5 mins and maybe I’ll be able to work my way up to 30 (by next year) 🙂
Lisa Maria —
I was hoping that for those who do NOT procrastinate, this might offer some insight into how addictive the cycle truly is. I’m not trying to excuse bad behavior, but some of it is not conscious/choice.
And NO, you do not come off as OCD! You are blessed with a strong work ethic and the habit of overcoming resistance.
As for the exercise, draw from your strengths and start small! 3 minutes…then 4…then 5. Success is doing SOMEthing rather than NOthing!
Oh Cheri!!! Every time I read your blog there is something I needed to read, something that is just what I needed, and just an eye-opener on my life/personality. I have been so blessed!!! First, the Danger of Relief, wow. Um, that was pretty much all I needed to know. Second, THANK YOU for writing about the 10 mins. Bc that is exactly what happened to me!! School started, we homeschool, I cannot get back onto that elliptical regularly like I had all summer. I miss it, I miss how great I felt, how toned my legs were. But I never thought just 10 mins. So I’m starting with that! Thank you so much!!
Oh, bless your heart! So glad you’re finding value here!
The Danger of Relief helped me understand why I keep going back and doing it all again. For years, I thought I was just a total screw-up. Now that I know there’s actual brain chemistry involved, I can be on my guard and give myself a “cooling off period” before making new commitments!
Let me know how 10 minutes goes for you! I was so sure it wouldn’t be worth it…and I’m delighted to have been so wrong! 🙂
Procrastination is my best/worst friend. I’ve been learning to say “no”, or at least say “no” sooner, but it’s still hard! I often forget. 😉
Okaasan — To quote the wonderful women of Proverbs 31 Ministries, you’re making “imperfect progress.” God’s at work in your life, and He’s promised to finish what he’s started!
So encouraging to read about staying committed to things even if we have to change how long we do it. Whether it is reading the Bible, exercising or whatever, I tend to just not do it if I can’t do what I usually do. Thanks for the encouragement!
Vicky — Glad you found this encouraging! I was raised by someone whose method was to start something and stay focused on it until it was done…perfectly. Learning that I work differently…that I can “dabble” at several things at once and make incremental progress on them all…has been a vital thing for me!
What a good reminder of how we can “get” when we procrastinate or over commit.
Lori — No kidding! This comes from a talk I gave a couple of years ago, but as I drew and wrote it out for this blog post, I started looking at my calendar and thinking, “That’s got to go…time to axe that…moving that ’til January…” !!!
I read your posts first thing in the morning, and this is another one that has struck a deep chord in me. I wish I could’ve had this knowledge back in August when I said yes to leading a school project (because I’m a Melancholy), as a favor to a friend who was actually pushing her own agenda on me. It’s something that doesn’t fit in my daily life (with a baby), and I find myself acting like a Phlegmatic during my daily cycles of procrastination. You are so insightful! My family is so happy to see the profound changes I have been making this month. It’s been so hard, but it is making a huge difference in my heart and in our lives. Thank you!
Awww, so glad to hear you’ve found something of value here that’s making a difference! Praise God for how He grows us!
I’ll accept the complement of “insightful” as long as we’re all clear that it simply means I’ve made the same mistake so many times with so much damage to myself and my relationships that I gave up and went to God for help! Amazing what there is to learn once I’m teachable… 😉