Day 13: DELIVERED (+ Why the Holidays Can Overwhelm)

Start Here:

Today’s post comes to you as a vlog and blog!

If you prefer to watch and listen, check out the video below.

If you prefer to read, scroll on down past the video!

(Can’t see video? Click here to view “Why the Holidays Can Be Overwhelming” via YouTube!)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It’s not a popular word.

It’s not a happy word.

And it’s a word that you might not even think of in association with the holidays.

But at least for me, it’s something that has absolutely controlled me, especially during the holidays:

Shame

What’s caused me the most shame, throughout my life, is being told, “Cheri, you’re just too sensitive.”

The problem with being told I’m “too sensitive” is that I never know what I’m supposed to do with this information.

It’s not like I wake up in the morning and think, “Oh, I think I’ll cry five times today!”

So I ended up with this incredible sense that I was defective.

When you’re defective, there’s nothing that can be done about it.

If you’re broken, you can be fixed.

But if you’re defective — if you’re ruined from the start — then the best you can do is to limp through life and hope not to bother or annoy too many people along the way.

Not “Too Sensitive” After All

Now it turns out, I’m actually not “too sensitive.”

I’m what’s called “highly sensitive.”

I do overwhelm easily.

I am moved to tears easily.

I feel things very deeply.

But now that I know that I’m “highly sensitive” and realize God made me this way, it’s something I can take responsibility for.

To know what my signals are. To know when I’m getting overwhelmed. To know what I need to do to make sure that I’ve got my resources built up: enough to eat, enough to drink, enough sleep.

“Highly Sensitive” in the Holidays

Now, when I’m in a family situation and I feel myself becoming overwhelmed and wanting to shut down, I realize that I need five minutes away.

I need to go hide in the bathroom for five minutes with my Bible verse cards and just spend some time in prayer. I need to clean out the anxiety and replace that baditude with God’s word and gratitude.

But for too many years, I didn’t know that about myself.

I’d be in a family situation and feel the pressure rising and not know what to do with it.

So I did spend five minutes in the bathroom.

But first, I’d spend fifteen minutes at the dessert table, trying to deal with all those feelings by cramming them back down to the point of becoming horribly sick. I was bulimic and would throw all the food back up.

Then, of course, I immediately felt terribly guilty.

Covering Shame with Guilt

The guilt actually felt better than my shame.

Because shame says I am a mistake.

Guilt says I’ve made a mistake.

And if I’ve made a mistake, then there’s hope: I can learn not to make that mistake.

The Bible is filled with promises that God will forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.

So I was caught in a cycle:

1) I’d feel shame.

2) I’d need a reason to feel so bad.

3) So I’d do something to make me feel guilty enough to cover the shame up.

Covering Shame with Pride

Or, I’d do the flip side!

Sometimes, it wasn’t guilt.

Sometimes it was being really really good! Sometimes it was being perfect…or at least trying my hardest and being more perfect than anyone else around me.

Sometimes it was doing more than anyone else. Getting there earlier. Staying later.

In those cases, it wasn’t guilt I was using to cover up my shame.

It was pride.

Delivered from Shame

So we’ve got these opposite extremes. And at the holidays, we polarize; we’re either the best of the best or the worst of the worst.

But today’s verses give me so much hope:

I sought the Lord, and He answered me;

He delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to Him are radiant;

their faces never covered with shame.

Psalm 34:4-5 (NIV)

This holiday season, I’m going to make a point to really be listening to what my needs are.

I’m what’s called an “ambivert”: I love putting myself out with people, but then I need my time alone.

I’m becoming much more aware of how the devil tries to attack me with feelings of shame, telling me, “Cheri, you’re not having as much fun as you should. What’s wrong with you?”

And instead of responding, “Oh, you’re right. There’s something terribly wrong with me…where’s a cookie?”

I can say, “There’s nothing wrong with me. This is a feeling I now recognize telling me that I’m overstimulated. I’m overtired.

I’m going to find a back bedroom, lay down on the bed, and close my eyes for five minutes. I’m going to meditate on scripture and pray through this. I’m going to clear my mind of all that negativity.

And then I’m going to come back out and spend time with family again.

(Part 2 tomorrow: How each PURSE-onality can avoid becoming overwhelmed during the holidays!)

Your Turn!

What aspect(s) of the holidays do you find most overwhelming?

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, how do you get back to a place of balance and calm?

What does “their faces never covered with shame” mean to you?

Anything else on your heart!

9 Comments

Dear Cheri,
I’m highly sensitive too! I was told I was too sensitive so much while I was growing up. Thankfully, I have outgrown a lot of it, but I am still sensitive. I do get overwhelmed easily now though, so I try to pace myself and not get involved in too much. Having 5 kids can be very overwhelming, especially since I very rarely get time by myself. Thank you for the reminder to take breaks this holiday season to regroup so I don’t have a meltdown. Since we have to stay with dh’s family from about 8 a.m. Christmas until after lunch I just suggested to him that maybe we could take a little drive as a family in between gifts and lunch, just to get a breather. I think that would help me. So thanks for planting that thought in my head.

God Bless,
Kim in NC

Cheri Gregory says:

at

Kim — highly sensitive with 5 kids + holidays sounds overwhelming for ME and it’s not even my life! Love your idea to plan that little drive for a breather. I’ll bet it will help not just you but others in your family. I’m learning that when I take care of my need, others around me receive permission to take care of their needs…or become aware of their own need for quiet / rest / down time. I was afraid I’m being selfish, but that turns out not to be the case at all!

Reply

*need* to do something different :]

Oh my goodness! I think the part of the holidays that overwhelms me the most is just getting ready for them!! I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed, and feeling like I don’t have the option of taking time away, and not even sure I would know what to do with myself in those 5 minutes… I so to do something different. I guess I need to give your idea a try!

Cheri Gregory says:

at

Sarah —

For so many years, my husband would encourage me to just stop, just rest, just take a break and I’d tell him I couldn’t, it wasn’t an option, there was too much, he just didn’t understand…

I now see how ruthlessly I was being driven by unrealistic ideals of who/what I needed to be/do. I literally could not stop unless I was so exhausted or sick that I couldn’t move. God wasn’t asking me to live like this. Nobody close to me wanted me to live like this. People who benefitted from all my efforts (usually not family) liked the end results and didn’t really care about the toll it took on me.

If I could turn back time (uh-oh — now I have that song running thru my head! 😉 I would tell my younger self that the only part of “getting ready” that mattered was being ready to love my children, my husband, my family, my friends. The best “present” would have been for me to be fully “present.”

I was so convinced I needed to do, make, fix, solve, initiate, coordinate, etc. in order to be a good mom, wife, church member, etc. It was unfathomable to me that “just me” would have been gift enough.

Anyhow, that’s what having a holiday-ready heart would have meant to me 20 years ago. For you, it may be far different! But I do pray that you can find a way to get ready and get a few breaks along the way! 🙂

Reply

I too am “highly sensitive” and for most of my young adult life I felt something was wrong with me. I am so thankful that I am learning who I was created to be. I like your advice on taking a break from being overwhelmed. Typically when this starts happening I just muddle my way through breathing out little prayers. Thank you for your vlogs! What a blessing!

Cheri Gregory says:

at

Amie —

“breathing out little prayers” sounds like a great plan, too — often taking an actual break isn’t an option, but praying without ceasing is!

Glad you’re being blessed as I surf the learning curve of blogging! 🙂

Reply

I like the idea of stepping away from what I am doing or where I am at when I start to feel the pressure or my anxiety level rising. This is something I need to put into action not only during the holidays, but any other time of year.

Cheri Gregory says:

at

Lori —

I’ve been amazed at the difference it makes for me.

“Be still and know that I am God” seems to be conditional, at least for me: until I am still, I often forget who is (and who isn!) God. “God is our refuge and strength” seems to be chronological for me: refuge first, then strength.

Of course, the hardest thing is just being still for the whole 5 minutes! 😉

Reply