Day 12: INSEPARABLE (+ Missing Loved Ones at the Holidays)
Start Here:
- How It Works (via Bullet Points & Videos!)
- Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)
- Day 2: CHOSEN – Making Right Holiday Choices
- Day 3: COMPLETE (+ 5 Gift-Giving Questions)
- Day 4: PURE (+ Goodbye, Ghosts of Christmas Past)
- Day 5: RIGHTEOUS (+ Rituals vs. Relationships)
- Day 6: FORGIVEN (+ The Story I Choose to Tell)
- Day 7: FREE (+ 14+ Ways to Enjoy “Free” Holy-Days!)
- Day 8: VICTORIOUS (+ Heading Off Holiday Hurts)
- Day 9: NEW (+ The Power to Get or to Give?)
- Day 10: CONFIDENT (+ 10 Ways to Keep Christ in Christmas)
- Day 11: MASTERPIECE (+ Being Content With What I DO Have)
One of the #1 holiday struggles for many is missing loved ones who are no longer with us, especailly if it’s our first holiday season without them.
Today’s verse is such a powerful reminder that even though we may be separated from people who gave us love, we are never separated from God and his love.
No power in the sky above or in the earth below –indeed, nothing in all creationwill ever be able to separate usfrom the love of Godthat is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.Romans 8:39 (NLT)
For years, I’ve held back all memories of my Grandma Pudleiner because my final ones are so painful: her lying unconscious in a hospital bed, full of tubes, fading rapidly.
But God is walking me along a healing path, teaching to grieve my losess without losing myself in them.
In fact, in the process of honoring my sadness, I’m re-discovering so much of myself that has been locked behind decades of stoicism.
Writing this letter has been a slow dance back through the pages of time. Tears fell freely as I wrote, freeing me to revel in fond memories rather than stay chained to regrets.
Dear Grandma,
You’ve been gone for more than half my life, now.
I think about you when we go to California Pizza Kitchen. I always order their Dakota Smashed Pea and Barley soup because it tastes ever so vaguely like your amazing split pea soup.
I think about you as December approaches. Christmas Eve was doubly special in our family: the night before we celebrated Jesus birthday and the night we celebrated your actual birthday.
I think about you when I hear the first few notes to the Alleluia chorus. How you loved singing in the Messiah each year!
I think about you when I hear the first few notes of O Holy Night, your favorite Christmas song. You lured me to the piano every Christmas Eve, where I’d play while you sang for pure joy, hitting even the “oh hear the angel voices” and “oh night divine” notes with utter abandon. And you always left me a dollar on the piano as a thank you.
It was your birthday, but I got the dollar.
Somehow that made sense back then.
Now, not so much.
I wish I’d taken the time to get more than the yearly dollar.
Like the recipe for your streuselkuchen. Your almond kuchen. Your nut roll. And especially your nut candy.
We have the wooden molds shaped like walnut halves. But no recipe.
The top half was always light brown and tasted a bit like butterscotch, and the bottom half was darker brown and chocolate-flavored.
When I took the halves apart, I could see the tooth-pick holes from when you pulled each half out of the mold. (I think I remember seeing you run your finger under tap water to moisten each half before sticking them together but it’s been so long, I might be making up that memory.)
I miss more than your German sweets, of course.
I miss passing our shared copy of Lad a Dog back and forth, re-reading it over and over until it’s all but fallen apart.
I missing walking to your house on Wednesdays after school, sitting at your kitchen table (spread with the crocheted gold tablecloth–your own “fancywork”!) and having you ask me about my “boy-a-friend.”
I miss all the wacky baldness cure advertisements you’d cut out of magazines and surreptitiously leave on Daddy’s desk.
I miss the crush you had on Daniel. I didn’t realize you were so crazy about him and so excited about us getting married until we found the envelope marked “Daniel and Cheri,” full of carefully saved dollar bills, in your desk drawer after you were hospitalized.
(You would love our kids. Annemarie has your creativity; Jonathon, your quiet mischief!)
I miss hearing you tell your childhood stories. You always laughed at how you were such a slow runner that the only prize you ever won was an unexpected “last place prize” one day! And you always wept when you told about crying through your eighth grade graduation because you wanted so much to continue schooling.
You worshiped the ground teachers walked on. The medical fields were all fine and dandy, but to you, there was no greater calling than education. In your last few weeks, I don’t know if you knew that I was starting my first year of teaching. I tell myself that you did.
I miss the unconditionality of your love. You needed nothing from me and wanted everything for me.
This Christmas season, I will attempt a streuselkuchen. It won’t be the same, but I’ll keep playing with the recipe until I get it close to yours.
This Christmas season, I will crank a CD of The Messiah up to full volume (and, yes, I’ll be sure to stand when the Alleluia chorus comes on!)
This Christmas Eve, I will sit at the piano and play O Holy Night (and give an extra dollar when children’s offering basket comes around at church.)
This Christmas, I will bask in the blessed memory of 22 years with a grandmother who loved me so very dearly.
Ich liebe dich, Großmutter.
Cheri
Your Turn!
- Is there someone you will be especially missing this holiday season?
- How do you / could you incorporate a special honoring of a loved one in your holiday celebrations?
- What has helped you learn how to grieve losses so that the memories bring more blessing than sorrow?
- Anything else on your heart?
I just needed to take a moment to tell you how touched I was by your letter to your grandmother. I am going to try to do this for my grandmother and then I am going to do it for the rest of my family, I want them to know right now how much they mean to me.
Missy — Thank you! Writing the letter brought back so many wonderful memories. I love the idea of going family member by family member and writing each one a letter!
There definitely is something precious about grandparents. Lost my last one in 2008. Last year I had my first grandchild and how many, many times I’ve wished that I could show her to them and watch them enjoy her. Brings tears to my eyes just writing that last sentence. But I will focus on being grateful for so many years with them (both my grandmothers lived to be 99; my grandfathers each 90) and we all lived in the same town. And focus on trying to be a good grandmother myself.
Wow — 90 and 99! And all living together…what a rich heritage. I so look forward to meeting my father’s father, who was killed before I was born, and introducing my children to all their great-grandparents some day!
What a beautiful tribute to your grandma. As I get older, I miss my Dad more and more. I was 34 when he passed away. I have never thought of incorporating a special honor for my Dad during the holidays. A good way to start would be to sit down and write a letter about the special memories I have of him. I could then save them for my children since they didn’t really get to know him.
Lori —
This sounds like a beautiful idea!
You’ve got me thinking of making a simple scrapbook with photos, letters, notes, even Post-It Notes of memories of my mother…perhaps recipes…no worries about making any of it perfect, total focus on getting out the memories…even fragments…
And including ways of honoring grandparents and parents during the holidays…need to think thru that, too.
And cue the tears…especially the Ich liebe dich, which my father used to say to me as a little girl. What a special way to remember your grandmother – makes me want to sit down and remember mine, too. I think I’ll do just that!
Adelle —
Thank you for inspiring me! 🙂
After so many years of trying not to remember anything, because I didn’t know how to handle the bitter part of grief, I’m discovering how sweet it is to remember and write…remember and write…remember and write… (It did help that nobody was home…my poor husband freaks out when he finds me in tears at the computer! Shatzi handles them so much better! 🙂
I dearly miss my grandparents during the Christmas season. Christmas was always such a special time when I was growing up. We would always drive the 8 hours it took to get to their home so we could be there Christmas Eve. I can remember my grandfather always having a warm fire in the fireplace and Christmas Carols playing on the record player. Bittersweet memories!
Amie —
What lovely memories! 8 hours is a lot of anticipation…and then a warm fire, music, and open arms to welcome you.
My Granddaddy’s birthday is December 23. He was such a godly man. He loved the Lord and served Him faithfully. He was so generous too. He was always giving to those in need. I miss him. It is hard to believe that he has been gone 20 years now, he died right after the New Year in 1992. I will have to think about what you said. He was a Gideon. Maybe I can incorporate the Gideon’s into my Christmas this year.
My dh slept in this morning, so he was hurrying off to work. Normally we get all 5 of our homeschooled children up when he gets up but we let them sleep in this morning. I am enjoying the quiet of our house for the moment. I caught up on the last few days of the challenge. Thank you. I am really enjoying them.
God Bless,
Kim in NC
Kim —
What a beautiful tribute to your grandfather! I am blessed by reading your recollections.
After so many years of rushing trying to survive babyhood, get thru toddlerhood, make it thru the elementary years, etc., I’m realizing how much I’ve missed out on knowing and learning from the older generations in my life. In the time I have, I want to rectify that, both by spending more time with those that are still with us and by recalling those who are not.
Glad you got some quiet time in the house! Always a blessing. And glad you’re enjoying the challenge; I am too, especially with new friends like you coming alongside. 😉
Thanks again for doing this and for taking the time to reply.
God Bless,
Kim