Consider It

Yesterday, my son sneezed and said, “Pardon me.”

I responded, and he asked, “Was that sarcasm?”

No matter how hard I tried to rewind my brain, I could not conjure up what I’d just said.

He finally had to tell me that after he’d said a polite, “Pardon me,” I’d automatically responded with, “I’ll consider it.”

I’ll consider it?

On what snarky auto-pilot setting is my brain stuck, anyhow?

No, I shall not condescend to immediately give you the all-important pardon which I, alone, can grant. Such a request requires rigorous thought and prolonged pondering during which you must wait with properly baited breath until my final decision has been rendered.

I switched my bracelet, added $1 to my total owed (up to $47 as of 4th period today–ouch!) and told my students about the episode.

They all laughed in disbelief, partly that I couldn’t remember my own words two seconds after saying them and partly that I can be so flippant even in such “small” situations.

This morning, in every class, my students were vigilant, pouncing on me for just the start of a critical comment or the first hint of a sarcastic tone.

I insisted that eliminating old bad habits and learning new better ones takes time. I’m under re-construction. They need to “pardon me” while my renovations are in progress.

Their response? “We’ll consider it.”