Celebrating Any Day of the Year
Daniel and I discovered something many years ago that other couples may find freeing: We discovered that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be celebrated on Valentine’s Day. Birthdays don’t have to be celebrated on birthdays. And–gasp!–anniversaries don’t even have to be celebrated on the actual anniversary date.
As with pretty much all of the lessons we’ve learned over the last two decades together, we figured this out the hard way. The expensive way, actually!
On our second anniversary, a Wednesday if I recall, I was three months pregnant with our daughter–not enough to show, but enough to be tired all the time. I was a month into my second year of teaching, which was also exhausting. But we were determined to celebrate our anniversary in style! We weren’t about to let our marriage slide into the average category, no way, not us! So we planned not only a dinner out but a trip to Los Angeles to see Phantom of the Opera.
As we staggered into the house around 1:00 AM (sober as church-mice, I assure you!) it occurred to us that the evening had been a lot more work than fun. We’d struggled to stay awake over the salads. We’d fought through rush-hour traffic to make it to the theater. We were so tired and tense, we didn’t really enjoy Phantom. And then we had to face the long drive home.
By the time Valentine’s Day rolled around, I was so round, I just didn’t feel like waiting for hours at a restaurant. “Why not go another day?” one of us suggested. Although it felt odd — celebrating Valentine’s Day on February 15?!? — it also felt somewhat subversive and deliciously freeing. As we waltzed into our favorite restaurant, wait-free, the next night, we knew we were onto something.
Since then, we’ve all but given up on celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentine’s Day on the “correct” dates. If we’re having a particularly wonderful time together in November, I’ll wish Daniel “Happy Birthday!” knowing that on December 29, we’re likely to be exhausted from Christmas. And Daniel has learned to whisk me on a weekend get-away during the first week of June so I can recover from end-of-school grading and graduation (in which my May 28th birthday is totally, and thankfully, lost!)
And by the time 2001 rolled around, we were grateful that we’d declared our anniversary celebration to be “the best day of the summer,” as September 11 took on an entirely new meaning.
As I’ve learned to let go of my expectations for what are, when you think about it, arbitrary days on the calendar, I’ve discovered it’s the celebration that matters, not the day. We’ve learned to celebrate any day of the year.
And I’m still working on learning to celebrate every day of the year!
You nailed it talking about expectations. These are what trip us up. The actual day we celebrate is not as important as the actual celebration. You’re so right.
Letting go of expectations is a process. 🙂 But after the adjustments are made, life becomes easier to share.
Great post.
I really loved reading this post. . . This Feb. 14 is our first as a married couple. He will get home on the 13th, after a 17 hour flight – tired and jetlagged. Let’s see how it works out.
sharon
Marvellous! Such brilliant wisdom here! We’re like you… a bit non-traditional. After so many years together, those important dates just don’t need to be adhered to like glue. We usually schedule our celebrations for the nearest weekend. :~D
Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Cheri!
(((Hugs)))
e-Mom
You hit the nail on the head. None of us loves as we should 24/7. It’s those rare occasions that we get it all together that makes marriage that much sweeter,
That was really a great post Cheri! We have had to shift many dates around just because “life” happens! I appreciate your insights so much!
{{Hugs}}
Jen
Gasp! I am thankful we are not the only couple who aren’t hard core on specific days. I love to jump out and surprise him with a valentines day no where near the actual holiday;)
There is so much wisdom here. If we go to dinner, we never go on the 14th. Same for buying flowers. I’m too practical to let him spend that kind of money that day!
Thanks for sharing, I learned a lot.
I had to let go of my expectations too. So hard to live in a way so different from the world!!
Great stuff.
Much love,
Angela
I love it!! Since my husband does not like crowds, we have also taken to celebrating on an alternate day! Works great for us also. Thanks for sharing today!
Wow…this was good, and we do the same thing!
The first holiday we changed was Valentines for sure. The 15th or the following weekend works best for us too.
Thanks♥
We have always celebrated on the 15th, due to the fact I had the flu our first Valentine’s Day. This year I suggested we *gasp* celebrate on the 13th instead. It just works better. Knowing we can celebrate when it is a celebration and not a requirement has freed us up so much. Thank you for sharing today.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom. It makes it more special of a time when both people enjoy it instead of being tired or worn out. Happy February!
Bethany
Thanks for sharing.