When It’s Okay to Use a Christian Cliche

While driving to my women’s Bible study group meeting, I debate whether or not to share a very personal prayer request.

Inner Critic:  Mother would say you’re just “airing dirty laundry.”

Me:  But if I can’t tell them, who can I tell?

Inner Critic:  Don’t say anything to anyone. Just keep it to yourself.

When the time comes, I make the vulnerable choice, aiming for transparency without over-sharing.

“I’m struggling with some new temptations I’ve never faced before.”

The other women’s expressions startle me.

Me: Did I accidentally say “Let’s go burn down the church”?

Inner Critic:  Look what you just did. Nobody here is struggling with anything. You’re the only freak in the room.  And now you’ve gone and made them all uncomfortable. They’re staring at you. You just said that to get attention. You need to … 

Then, one woman starts to speak.

(My heart leaps: Someone who understands!)

“You need to give them all to Jesus.”

All heads nod vigorously in agreement.

I force a smile.

“Like the song.”

All heads nod vigorously in relief.

They all move on

I wish I’d stayed home.

The One Person to Whom I Can Say Christian Cliche

“Give Them All to Jesus” is one of my favorite songs.

It takes me back to summer camp, where I gave my heart to Jesus in the field between cowboy camp covered wagons and the barrel racing ring.

“You need to give them all to Jesus” was – and always is – a 100% true statement.

But in that moment at Bible study, I needed connection, not correction.

The woman who spoke was a new acquaintance. We hadn’t done any life together, so I had no clue what “give them all to Jesus” meant to her. It was a pat phrase, not a password.

My friend Carol recently said, “The thing about platitudes … is that those teachings are meant for YOU, not to use on others.”

Exactly.

My go-to cliche throughout each day is Let go and let God.

And there’s a world of difference between me saying it to myself and someone else presuming to say it to me.

Christian Cliches We Say to Ourselves

I asked my wise Bravery Buddies,

What “Christian cliches” do find helpful when you say them to yourself? Why do some phrases work when we say them to ourselves but feel dismissive when someone else says them to us?

Here’s what they said:

• “Stop telling God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is” I love it but darn it sometimes I just want to complain about my storm, you know?!

• God provides. It helps. But I don’t usually say it to anyone else unless they basically ask me to say it to them. Sometimes we DO need to hear it out loud from someone else!

• Cliches are shallow, but we when speak them to ourselves we know the depth of the words we need to hear. We hold on to them so they can travel from our brain into our soul.

• “God is sovereign.” I know this and believe this. And when I tell myself this, it gives me a sense of comfort. But when I hear it from others my response is often, “Yeah well it doesn’t feel like it”!

• That I can do all things through Him. That with Him all things are possible. That no man can close what He opens nor can we open what He closes. That He never leaves or forsakes. So many. When I think of Him and His sovereignty it takes the pressure off. Then its not about me at all, its about Him and his glory.

• “God only gives us what we can handle. I only wish He didn’t trust me so much.” I like saying this to myself when I feel overwhelmed; but I wouldn’t want others say it to me.

• “He’s been faithful before, He’ll be faithful again.” … “You’re OK.” … “God’s got this.” … “All things work together for good.” “You can’t be fearful and thankful at the same time.” … “God is good…all the time.”  WHY do they work when I say them to me? Because I have lived them out. Because they’re a part of my story. Because they’re a private agreement between me and the God Who loves me. If I’d say them to other people, they’d have no context for it unless they’ve lived it out, too.

• In the Psalms, David talks out loud to himself encouraging and uplifting words. I think God knows we sometimes need to kick ourselves in the butt or be gentle to our souls when really no one else could understand or respond appropriately.

• I say “My God is bigger.” I also say, “God has a purpose and a plan in this and I know he will use it for good.” I say these more like a prayer and in agreement that I believe these things. I say, “I believe you God” a lot. It’s not so much a cliche (and I’m not sure how I’d handle if someone asked me if I believed God) but I also say it as affirmation.

• My spiritual mentor is allowed to ask me, “What if ______(fill in the blank) doesn’t happen. Is God enough?” I can’t remember a time that it didn’t bring me to a good place. Somehow it refocuses my heart every time!

• “Be still and know that I am God.” But if anyone else tells me to “calm down,” the opposite happens.

Presumption vs. Permission

When you use a “Christian cliche” on yourself, you don’t feel patronized or dismissed. You don’t feel like you’ve been given a handle without the suitcase. After all, you know your full story and how this particular password fits in context!

But when someone else springs a cliche on us, we recoil at their presumption.

We need others to ask permission before they speak into our lives.

We need permission to travel our own journey. Not the one they took; not the one they think we should.

Glennon Doyle Melton puts it this way:

…avoid saying things to diminish or explain away her pain, like ‘Everything happens for a reason,’ or ‘Time heals all wounds,’ or ‘God gives us only what we can handle.’

These are things people say when they don’t know what else to say, and even if they’re true, they’re better left unsaid because they can be discovered only in retrospect.

When her pain is fresh and new, let her have it. Don’t try to take it away. Forgive yourself for not having that power.

Grief is not something to be fixed. It’s something to be borne together. … through our friend’s grief, we maintain in our hearts the hope that in the end, good will come of it.

But we don’t say that to our friend. We let our friend discover that on her own. Hope is a door each one must open for herself.  (Carry On Warrior, pg. 49-50)

Christian Cliches can be keys we discover along the journey God’s leading us on.

Keys we use to unlock and open our own doors.

From the inside out.