{10 Days of Proverbs 31} Still the Hunger

“She is clothed with strength and dignity…” Proverbs 31:25(a)

I have an insatiable appetite.

As a Sanguine, I long for attention and approval. I can speak for an hour to a room full of amazing women, each gifting me with her time and attention.

Afterward, I can have a crowd around me, praising my message, asking great questions, engaging in discussion. I receive all I could possibly want and more.

And still, the hunger.

As a Choleric, I desire achievement. My recent To Do list started out five pages long (12 point type, single spaced) and grew from there. I ran every errand on the list. The garage got gutted. The Murano repaired. The dog vetted. Assorted adults and teens fed high quality rations several times daily. And I even performed the impossible: I found a new teaching outfit in my size. I accomplished all I could possibly want and more.

And still, the hunger.

As a human, I seek justice. When I’ve been misunderstood, I want the chance to explain…and explain and explain until there’s no chance of confusion. When I’ve been disrespected, I want an apology…and a promise of reformation. When I’ve been neglected (and rejected), I want to be included…and given equal status.

Yet even when I feel understood, respected, and accepted…

…still, the hunger.

“The hunger” often manifests as physical, leading me to the kitchen in search of high-carb, high-sugar “food” to ease my discomfort.

Cookies. Popcorn. Ice cream.

And still, the hunger.

I also use relationships and conversations to fill the void.

Popcorn. People. Errands. Explanations. Ice cream. I’m seen. I’ve been. I mean.

I am never full. Always running. On empty.

This month, I’ve tried — mostly unsuccessfully — to meditate on Psalm 16 and 17. I’ve came to quiet time with an agenda and a time limit. As the weeks have gotten busier and more full of surprises (mostly of the unpleasant variety!), I’ve had no “quiet” and very little “time.”

Exhausted from trying to live on my own “strength”, I finally seek Refuge. And I am, once again, amazed by the Word who has been awaiting me all along:

“I call on you, Oh God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer,” (verse 6) speaks to my Sanguine hunger to be heard and affirmed.

“Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand” (verse 7a) . . . “Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your sings” (verse 8) . . . “Rise up, O Lord, confront [my mortal enemies], bring them down; rescue me” (verse 13a) speaks to my Choleric hunger for action.

“May my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right” (verse 2) speaks to my human hunger for truth.

And the words of life meant for me on this very day:

“I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.” (verse 15b)

(My insatiable appetite can be satisfied?)

For “You still the hunger of those you cherish.” (verse 14b)

Still the hunger.

I will be satisfied!