Day 14: TRUST
I’ve been looking forward to today. Finally a topic on which I’m an expert!
For all the dozens of issues I struggle with (and I’ll try to say this modestly), I do not have trust issues.
Not me!
I trust people to mess up. Every time.
(Okay, okay, I’m switching my bracelet!)
MY Way or…
In her blog post “I Know Things Should Be Done a Certain Way,” Patty Newbold describes an engaged woman who has a hard time trusting her fiance:
One of the things that makes it difficult to trust him is that, as she puts it, ‘[I] know things should be done a certain way to get them done correctly.’
Ah, don’t we all?
Our definition of ‘correctly’ is one of our most gigantic impediments to knowing we are loved, respected, and cared for.
Meddlesome Me
In January, the Holy Spirit decided I was ready to be whacked up-side the head with (yet another) a unflattering truth about myself:
I meddle.
After taking some painful (but long over-due!) steps to extract my over-involved self from key areas of my almost 21-year-old daughter’s life, I quickly discovered hers wasn’t the only life I was trying to run.
I meddle in my husband’s life.
Waaaay more than I realized.
Don’t “Help” Me!
The oh-so-risky prayer –“Lord, open my eyes to what I’m doing that needs to change!” – had scarcely left my lips when it was answered.
Daniel came home from Safeway, beaming with pride. He’d grabbed the grocery list off the refrigerator and done the shopping for me.
“Now you don’t have to do it!” he said, no doubt hoping for a positive response.
Perhaps, oh, gratitude?
As in “I can’t believe I have such a thoughtful husband that he sacrifices his own time to bear one of my burdens!” followed by a hug?
But no.
Not me!
I wasn’t grateful.
I was mad that he’d gone without telling me. He’d robbed of my right to make sure he did it right!
Counting the Cost
I scanned the receipt (which he’d left on my desk rather than doing what he preferred–shoving in his shirt pocket and forgetting!) searching for evidence to build my case.
Ah-HA!
Just as I suspected.
“Oh no,” I gasped, “You paid $5.99 for the blah-blahs? Blah-blahs are only $3.49 at Target! And you bought eight blah-blahs for $2.50 too much each?”
If Daniel’s face fell, which I’m sure it did, I didn’t see it.
I was too busy proving – once again! – that having my way is more important to me than receiving (or giving) love, respect, and care.
The Value of Trust
8 x $2.50 = $20.00.
Nothing to sneeze at.
But trust me: my response was not motivated by a Spirit conviction about stewardship.
If anything, I was feeling guilty for spending $… er … an undisclosed amount at Starbucks that same week. (Let’s just say I had to squint hard to see around the beam in my eye and focus on the specks on that receipt.)
I also know that marriage counseling costs way more than $20.00.
And – thanks to a counselor who pointed out to me over a year ago, “Isn’t it amazing how he still tries to make you happy after 25 years?” – I know Daniel is God’s greatest earthly blessing in my life.
When I meddle in his choices, I lose so much more than $20.00.
I throw away a priceless gift that can be mine for the cost of silence:
trust
Miss-Trust = Love-Less
From Patty again:
While you tap your toe, impatiently waiting for [the other person] to adopt your standards instead of noticing how his or her standards make your life better in some other way, you miss out on love.
…Your expectation that [the other person will always meet your standards] is premeditated resentment.
The thing you need to learn to trust [the other person] will do is love you. That’s a lot easier when you grow aware of the ways he or she shows love that have nothing at all to do with what you think you know about the certain way things should be done.
Note: I’m not talking about staying in an abusive relationship. I’m not talking about being a doormat to someone who consistently betrays trust on moral issues.
I am talking about daily ordinaries – like the Safeway receipt – over which I can choose between “righteous” indignation…
…or acceptance and compassion for the heart my husband is offering me.
(And, yes, amazement that after 25 years, he’s still trying to make me happy!)
Trust
(Can’t see the image? Click here to download Isaiah 26:3-4)
To paraphrase Patty, I’m finding that my definition of “correctly” is one of my most gigantic impediments to knowing I am loved and cared for by God.
My focus needs to be on God.
Not me!
The more I let go of my beliefs “about the certain ways things should be done”…the more I “grow aware of the ways [He] shows love.”
Trust Him.
(Not me!)
Try This Today:
Add “Meddling” to the Challenge, just for today. (Notice any connection between unnecessary meddling and complaining, criticizing, gossiping, and/or sarcasm?)
Leave a comment!
- responding to today’s blog, and/or
- sharing your Day #1-14 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
- about anything else on your heart!
Trust in the Lord forever for in God our Lord is our everlasting Rock…
This is on my kitchen wall….
He is forever….with him until eternity….
Oh such a good post and my first visit here ever … I laughed about the shopping … I understand how it should be done the ‘right’ way. However, I will tell you that this is somethings that God has been working on in my life … control. Just last night we went shopping and I let my man take the lead because he wanted to help.
I also LOVE that there is a give away here today!! I have FIVE huskies – yep I typed that right FIVE … love them all to bit and love the give away. If I don’t get picked I may just have to go buy it.
Enjoyed my visit here today.
It’s almost like you have a video camera on my life. I relate so much to these daily scenarios.
Very insightful! Thanks!
During this challenge, the one of the things that I’ve learned to trust is that I can’t trust myself! I will slip up, I will meddle and I will think I know what is right and best. What I’ve always known (but need daily reminders) is that I can trust my Father. He is constantly steering me even when I try to be the “driver”.
I am the worlds worst at not showing gratitude to my husband for things he does around the house, like folding clothes, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. I think being from the south it makes me feel these are my responsibilities and I feel inadequate when I don’t get everything done. I had a boss tell me one time that not eveyone does things like I do, and just because they don’t, does not mean it is wrong! So true!!!
The trust factor has been an issue for me for many years. It has caused me troubles both at home and at work. Who could I trust to do the job right? At the same time when I don’t trust other people I become exhausted because I am worn out from doing it all myself. God has shown me that. I have so much more to learn. Thank you for this post! God bless!
Oooohhhhh…. My toes are hurting now… *cringe*… I too have seen my husband’s, my daughter’s, my (you name them)’s face fall because instead of being grateful they helped, I complained and nitpicked because it wasn’t done MY way… and if it’s not done MY way, it MUST be WRONG…. *sigh*
…Your expectation that [the other person will always meet your standards] is premeditated resentment…… Man oh man oh man oh man!! Wow – that one zapped me!!!! This is me in a nutshell and I’m ready for a change!!!
Wow! This really speaks to me. I need to work on being grateful instead of critical.
I have been struggling with meddling since the beginning of my marriage. Some day I do good and others – well…not so good.
I am controlling and I am learning to just back off and be quiet!
I am a meddler… I get upset because someone doesn’t load the dishwasher right or when hubby wants to help by folding laundry he folds it all wrong!! Many arguments have been made over the laundry I embarrassingly confess. I need to stop *picking* on what is wrong and instead focus on what the person is trying to do to help. Thank you for helping me see (once again!). DeAnna D.
Amazing!! It makes me really think about how I live!!
Wow! God is always teaching me…I “trust” I’m the one who can do it best and right…I need to TRUST God that He is truly all I need and I do no have to be the ind in control. My relationships with God and others are worth much more than being “right”
Heidi J
I am not a meddler and sometimes that can be seen as not caring. Trust that is a big issue for me, though I have become a lot more faithful, trusting people not always. I would love to give this book to my hubby as a gift.
I love today’s post. The verse was so good; yes! in the Lord is everlasting strength!! The part about fixing a relationship being more than say $20 really spoke to me. Why do we, humans, have such a tendacy to let things bother us so much?? I guess the devil will do all he can to drag us down and ruin our relationship with Jesus first of all. Thank you again for doing this challenge. Sarah L.
This spoke to me once again! I meddle way to often, too. If I THINK I am better at it or the the other person MIGHT not be able to do it I need to explain and do this and that instead of trust that they can. Being a Miss Perfectionist its hard to let go and trust. I have been trying to learn to do this because it is all to important especially when I am a wife and mother one day.
I must give the people around me a chance to do and be happy with the outcome because I do not do everything right either!!! But like Cheri said: To often I am busy squinting past the beam in my eye to “help” the others get out their splinter!
Amazing, amazing…I just need to keep on learning.
-Iris♥