Wrestling with Perfectionism
Last week, I discussed “Perfectionism” as a mask, one which Sanguines are most prone to wearing when their God-given PURSE-onality is not nurtured.
I promised that I’d follow-up with a Part 2 about “taking off the masks.” You may have noticed that this post didn’t show up on Monday morning.
That’s because my Melancholy “mask” has been wrestling with my Sanguine self for several days.
Why?I’m leaving for the She Speaks Conference this week.
For months, now, I’ve been excited yet relaxed, faithfully preparing but not stressing.
Until last weekend.
I have meetings with editors at She Speaks, and I’ve been preparing a specific book proposal. Last Friday, something happened that makes it no longer necessary for me to pitch this project. I can’t give details, but it’s a positive “something”!
I should be thrilled, right? Excited that God is opening doors!
Nope.
I started fretting about my appointments.
Should I keep them? Should I cancel them? If I keep them, what will I pitch? I could create some one-sheets for some other book concepts…but I don’t have time to make them perfect!
I was working myself up into a frenzy of worry when I realized: Cheri, you are being silly!
Here I’d received good news, and I was letting it distress me!
I decided to spend the weekend praying about the appointments. By Sunday night, I felt impressed to keep the appointments and simply enjoy them. (What a concept!)
Ahhh, much better. Sanguine self is back on track, focused on fun!
Right?Until I started packing.
You can’t wear that to a meeting with an editor. Nobody will take you seriously. What on earth were you thinking when you bought that? You need to go shopping for some real clothes.
This kind of back-and-forth has been going on about the talks I’m giving (as part of the speaker track), which suitcase to use (to check or carry on), what shoes to take (open-toes or closed).
You name it, it’s been my Perfectionistic Melancholy mask vs. Sanguine me, duking it out!
For once, though, I recognize what’s happening. I’m not skilled enough to completely prevent it, but at least I’m putting a stop to it.
Perfectionism is trying to spoil my fun. It’s trying to convince me that I need to try harder to make the exact right decisions.
If you don’t, it tells me, the world will end and nobody will like you ever again.
I’m not buying it this time.
Nobody cares whether I wear plum or teal on Friday. I’m not even taking both so I can switch part-way through the day in case I make the “wrong” choice. I’m packing plum because right now I think it’ll be more fun.
And on Friday, I’m going to make sure it is!
“He rescued me
because He deLIGHTed in me.”
Psalm 18:19
(my life verse)
(Tomorrow I really will write about “taking off the mask”!)
Your Turn
I’d love to hear your thoughts about “masking”…or getting stressed out by Perfectionism…or anything else on your mind or heart!
…you just described what happens EVERY time we entertain. This is me…
Your meetings “dilema” sounds so familiar. But I’m a Melancholy. I’ll have to go back and read the earlier entry.
Sara —
I’ve been thinking about this post since writing it yesterday, and it’s becoming more and more clear that Perfectionism really robs me of my natural gifts. As a Sanguine, I should want to whip through the work so I can have FUN! As a Choleric, I should want to work hard…ENOUGH to get the job done, but no harder.
What Perfectionism does is keep me working and working and working and working until my Sanguine gives up, because there’s no fun in sight…for the next decade. And even my Choleric gives up, because there’s no sense of accomplishment, no finish line.
For a true Melancholy who is living in her strengths (and not Perfectionism), questions that torment me are helpful for analysis, comparison, cause-and-effect. They assist with making a carefully weighted decision about which she can feel confident. (I speak from observing my healthy Melancholy friends, not out of any inner knowledge of this, of course!) When my husband (a true Melancholy!) verbalizes his decision-making process, there’s none of the frantic, self-absorbed, see-sawing that goes on in my mind. He does consider as many alternatives as possible, but not out of fear.
Maybe that’s the bottom line. When the motivator is fear, it’s probably a Perfectionistic mask.