Warm-Up Day 2: The Heart and Mouth Connection
“What you say flows from what is in your heart.”
Luke 6:45b (NLT)
Sure, I can recite this verse word-for-word.
But how seriously do I live it day-to-day?
I mean, really: Do I real-ize that my words broadcast to other people exactly what’s happening in my heart?
Just last Friday, I was fuming at my computer, about to yell, “You stupid piece of garbage!” at the top of my lungs when there came a knock on my door.
One of my students.
Whew!
Close call, that time! Good thing she came when she did, eh?
Or was it?
Was I “saved” by the fact that I didn’t actually say anything out loud? That nobody actually heard me verbalize what I was already thinking?
What I Hear…
In her book For Men Only (yes, I read it, but shhhhh…don’t tell on me!), Shaunti Feldhahn quotes a woman from her survey saying: women are truly verbal and can’t help it….the things [people] say to us are in mental tape archives and are as real today as they were the moment they were spoken.
I don’t know about you, but this sure hits home for me!
For almost a quarter of a century, my husband has wondered why I purposely rehearse painful conversations in my mind, re-evoking old emotions.
I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just that as a woman, so often what I hear I take to heart.
And scripture is crystal clear: What what I take to heart comes out my mouth.
Who Hears Me Most?
I agree that we need to watch our words because of the impact we have on others.
Especially on non-believers.
Especially on our spouses and children.
But I’m not “saved” from the consequences of my complaining+ when my words stay unspoken.
Whether I hear my words aloud or I “just” hear them in my mind:
One person takes the full brunt of every single complain-y, critical, gossipy, and sarcastic comment that goes through my mind:
Me.
Reflect & Respond
- What does Luke 6:45 say to you?
- From what you hear–spoken and unspoken–what do you especially take to heart?
I have also been hurt by others words and can still remember the comments years later.
Because of this I am very conscious of what I say to others and try not to say anything hurtful but this is easier said than done. I also have very negative self Talk, that I am trying to improve. Baby steps on some days and leaps on others.
i have been pondering this verse for YEARS because i have trouble with my mouth. I have no answers as of yet.
I think we often forget how powerful our words are – it’s just so easy to speak without thinking! It’s something I definitely plan to work on more. Thank you for sharing this!
What I specially take to my heart for what I hear is when words are spoken as a “joke” but in reality they are what it’s in their hearts.
Yes, this is big. I struggle with the guilt of rehashing the ugly things that have slipped out of my mouth to by husband and kids when I was really upset at times…
We have all had those “heart felt moments” right…our actions come from whats in our heart…so those times I have gotten angry, frustrated, ect ect.
was me all me. I just let the ugly out…
I asked my heavenly father to come and live in my heart…because he loved me he forgave me…how can my heart be ugly when I have him there to guide me…
Forgive me God I realized I messed up and I …I that’s right I ..it doesn’t work if God isn’t in the driver seat …Dear God fill my heart with you teach me to let your light shine and keep this vessel on track.
I have told my many source of kids that their words are powerful and to be careful what they say, I am ashame to say that I have not shown my kids this… or maybe I should say that I have shown they by hurting them and other with my words.
If I have the feeling someone always has something negative to say I start getting upset… don’t like being critized period even more so if a particular person does it a lot.
I was telling my children just yesterday that what they speak comes from the heart. We need to put good things in our hearts to get good things from our hearts.
Yes there are many things I think about that never come out of my mouth. To think about what is abundant in my heart is great. I pray I would replace those things with Gods abundance!!
I often lock the hurt in my heart and then I walk around showing the hurt even if I don’t say a word. While words are powerful so can feelings overpower us. For the most part I often pray for the Lord to lift the hurt feelings from me sometimes when we verbalize what is hurting in us we can move past it. The hard part is when we verbalize it, it can hurt others.
Coming over from the Allume link up. I think besides ourselves, God also knows what is unspoken in our heart whether is be positive or negative. Even if others can’t hear us, he can. Definitely something I need to work on…
Okay, wow, what is wrong with me? My complaining, my need to always get the last word (I have to be heard and acknowledged, you know), the constant negativity that flows from my HEART. 🙁 Very convicting. Very alarming that I surround my children (those precious little people that I love and treasure so much) with so much negativity. And my poor husband. No wonder he gets discouraged. Lord help me be what You want me to be, to have Your love and peace flow from my heart so my words and thoughts will be honoring to You. Selah….
Lisa —
I get that “need to always get the last word”…the desire to be “heard and acknowledged” — as my dad says, we come by it honestly!
And how freeing will it be to surrender it completely? To our heavenly Father who sees us as his precious little daughters that He loves and treasures so much and weeps when we surround ourselves with so much negativity?
We strive so hard to be loved…when we are eternally beloved by Him!
C
Wow…very convicting! I definitely need to fill my heart with more of God–His word, fellowship with His people, lovely/noble/pure things–so that it will overflow and spill out and others can see it and experience it. I agree with the comments about women taking everything to heart. Guilty here!! It’s hard for us erase hurtful comments from coworkers, friends, or family…so we need to be certain we don’t issue those hurtful comments to others!
Ashley —
Blessings for your willingness to take an honest look. It’s not easy. SO much easier to just keep on doing what we’ve been doing!
Erasing those hurtful comments has been a huge issue for me. I’ve never been able to remember where I left my car keys five minutes ago, but I could recite, word-for-word (and tone-for-tone!) ugly things said to me in painful conversations from decades past.
I had to get to the point where I was so sick of holding on to the pain that I was finally willing to trust it to God. Now, I wish I hadn’t waited! But so glad He waits with us… 🙂
C
I have always believe that, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Not ever realizing that my thoughts are doing damage to myself.
Desiree —
I am SO with you on this!
I was so proud of the work I’d done to keep myself from verbalizing my negativity but I was still struggling so hard in so many areas. The Holy Spirit finally got through to me that since I spend 24/7 with myself, everything that goes through my mind goes into my heart unless I surrender it to God.
I have a long ways to go, but I finally get how important “taking captive every thought” truly is.
C
Oh yeah..and when I’m abiding in Christ, I can let many things roll off my back because of His love, forgiveness and thinking of His kingdom. But when I’m not abiding as I should, I take things personally because I become consumed with myself.
Mandy —
Such a great point! I used to get so defensive, taking everything personally. And then I’d defend my defensiveness (!!!) because I’m “so sensitive.”
When I’m sensitive to myself, I do just what you said: “become consumed with myself”!
But when I’m abiding in Christ, all those things that used to totally destroy me have no hold.
It comes down to Who we “take personally” and with whom we are consumed.
C
Luke 6: 45 tells me that my words and thoughts reflect what is in my heart…and lately that has been really ugly. I’ve been a desert in my spiritual journey for quite some time and am really thirsting for the joy and refreshment in the LORD, for it is quite obvious the ugly of my sinful flesh pervading my life when my heart is not right!! I want Christ to be overflowing, not meeeeeee!
Mandy —
Blessings on you as you take an honest look and listen!
My prayer is that May is a month of “heart cleaning” for all of us so that our hearts are full to overflowing with Christ, not self.
C
Complaining to myself leaves me in the wrong attitude. I may have not offended anyone else by not saying it out loud but I have hurt myself with my thoughts and quite possibly, even God. He knows all our thoughts. The verse made me think of when I am in my car. If I get cut off or someone comes close to hitting me, I get very angry. I don’t use foul language but my children can not only hear my words but see my feelings being put right out there. What am I showing them? Did it solve anything? No, they can’t hear me. It only puts me in a bad mood and makes my children uneasy and teaches them the wrong thing.
Godsfaithfulgurl —
You bring up two important things.
First, the whole car issue. For some, this is a HUGE issue, to the point that they feel it would require a miracle to change how they react/respond to other drivers. For others, it’s not bad drivers but something else that acts as a “trigger.” Identifying those “buttons” is the first step in handing them over to God and allowing him to transform our attitudes.
Second, recognition that our reactions to our “buttons” (bad drivers, whatever) makes our children “uneasy.” That’s a good word for it: uneasy. Which can easily turn into anxious. Our responses while driving can trigger all sorts of stress responses in our kids which, as they get older, they will conceal from us out of fear. (I feel an entire blog post forming here! 🙂
Thank you for your thought-provoking thoughts!
C
I never thought of what my complaining to myself was doing to me. This really hit me hard. I also know that hurtful words my son said to me (actually in an email) a few years back are still in my heart and I complain about them to myself quite often. I so need this PURSE-onality challenge.
Virginia —
This is a relatively recent realization for me, too! And it me hard, too. Suddenly I have a reason to curb my tongue even when I’m home alone, a reason to become disciplined in my thought life!
I’m so sorry that you have a hurtful e-mail lingering with you. Written words can feel so permanent. I will pray that you are able to let go of these words so they no longer have any hold on you.
Cheri
luke 6:45 says to me that my heart is not in the right place.
What i take to heart (more offense really, because I know it is a reflection of them and not me) is that my inlaws seem to go out of their way to show me, by very obviously interfering with my relationship with my son, that they feel I am not a good mother, that they are/would be better at raising him than I am (they have actually said that to my SIL, but would not dare say it out loud to my face)<<---and this is also the complaint I have most often to my husband, that his parents constantly try to make me feel inadequate, to the extent that they verbally try to turn my 4 year old son against me or make him choose favorites. So I have to learn not to take their comments & actions to heart and to also try not to relay those comments to my husband, even when they are really bothering me. And I agree with the previous comment about taking negative things to heart more than positive. I am not sure why, but internalizing bad things about myself just seems more natural than believing and internalizing good things. Human nature?
Jennifer —
Bless you for your discretion in a very difficult situation! It’s very difficult not to take such comments to heart and to protect both your son and your husband from their impact.
God offers two things you need in spades: refuge and strength!
I, too, find that it seems more natural to believe/internalize negative things about others and ourselves. More and more, I am seeing this as a form of spiritual attack, especially upon women.
C
Luke 6:45(KJV) A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
I believe this explains that if you have harsh feelings and bad felings in your heart you are going to portray those things out of your mouth but if you feel your heart with the Lord and being more like the Lord your a are good and your will speak good things not bad.
Trina–
I love the wording “the abundance of the heart”! It makes me ask myself what I want to have an “abundance” of, so much that it flows on out.
Having our hearts filled with the Lord so that He flows out is the key. We’ll look at practical nitty-gritty ways to choose this throughout May!
Cheri
Luke 6:45
This is a big verse. I have heard people argue and say some pretty hurtful words, I have said hurtful words and hurtful words have been said to me. Once all parties involved have a chance to cool down and think things over the first words are usually “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it”. But, that may not always be the case, they may not have meant to say it, but those feelings were somewhere in their heart, or they wouldn’t have come out. This is just another reminder of the power of my words. If I am having thoughts or feelings that are less than positive I need to pray and ask God to replace those feelings, and do what I can to not speak the negativity my heart may be feeling.
I think that I take the negative things to heart more than the positive things. They seem to stick with me more.
TEllison —
You bring up a serious point. “I didn’t mean it” often feels like “Just kidding” — the receiver wonders what to believe, if there may have been more truth than passion/jest.
What if instead of rushing to say, “I didn’t mean it…” If I actually owned, “I don’t like the idea being the kind of person who meant that. But I am. Some part of me did mean it. And that scares me. I don’t want this in our relationship. I want to change.” More to ponder!
I’m like you — negatives come with velcro, positives with Pam!
Cheri