Warm Up Day 1: What’s Wrong With Complaining?
In the last few days, you’ve likely heard (or said!) something like
- “The cashier took forever to ring up my groceries! I could have done it in half the time with one hand and bagged them all with the other!”
- “Were you born in a barn? This room looks like a pigsty!”
- “She’s says she’s not coming because of her kids’ sports schedule…”
- (Yelled to the driver who has just cut in front) “Is your car not equipped with a turn signal or are you too incompetent to use it?”
No big deal.
Right?
I mean, what’s wrong with a little Complaining?
Or some well-deserved Criticism?
Or a wee bit of Gossip?
Or witty Sarcasm?
Loosen up!
Right?
Be real: 31 days with no complaining, no criticism, no gossip, and no sarcasm?
Aren’t we taking this a bit too seriously?!?
God Takes Talk Seriously
In the NIV, Ephesians 4:29 says
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
The NLT says
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
The KJV says
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
If you’re at all like me, you might be thinking:
- “But half my conversations are complaining.”
- “I just speak my mind.”
- “That’s so limiting! “
- “If I followed these ‘suggestions’, I’d have to stop talking altogether!”
Don’t Believe God? Ask Amazon.
Let’s browse the Self-Help section.
If complaining+ really is a useful relationship skill, then surely we’ll find dozens of books telling us how to do it better, right?
Perhaps we can order up a copy of…
These titles aren’t available?
Maybe they’re temporarily sold out!
They don’t even exist?
Oh.
What’s Wrong With Complaining
Here’s why we don’t find how-to books about becoming a better complainer:
Complaining+
Does.
Not.
Work.
Reflect & Respond
- What does Ephesians 4:29 say to you?
- Which do you think will be the hardest for you to stop: Complaining, Criticism, Gossip, or Sarcasm? Why?
Click here to reach the starting page!
(complaining+ = complaining, criticizing, gosipping, and sarcasm)
I just came across this today after wandering around your blog and listening to your current podcast. I’m going to start this challenge and sharing it on my blog. Thank you SO much for the inspiration! I, of course, will link back to your blog. So many people can find this just as inspiring and helpful in their path with Jesus.
It tells me to pause and be sure that whatever is about to come out of my mouth should build someone up, encourage them and or comfort and support them.
This is hard to do, I have been trying to work on this for a while now. Especially the no complaining, seems like some people don’t know how to have a conversation without it. Which make it harder to be positive, but so worth it!
It tells me to pause and be sure that whatever is about to come out of my mouth should build someone up, encourage them and or comfort and support them.
This is hard to do, I have been trying to work on this for a while now. Especially the no complaining, seems like some people don’t know how to have a conversation without it. Which make it harder to be positive, but so worth it!
This is such a GREAT Bible verse–we women seem so drawn to the sins of our lips!
I never realized… Looking forward to this!
this really makes me think about how i daily live my life
I just can’t wait to see the difference especially in my children when I don’t critizize or complain….Jennifer R
I appreciate the challenge. I think criticism will be the hardest to stop – the ones that leap out when I get frustrated!
“If you can’t say somethin’ nice don’t say nothin’ at all”.
Only good things should come out of our mouths.
Not negative, degrading,don’t belittle, criticize…Well that was a mouthful.
We need to walk the walk and talk the talk…By being obedient to God and our faith staying close to him would keep us right and in check. But…for me
I find I complain, so that is going to be a big one for me when it comes to my job..yes I complain a lot and now its time to stop the complaining be thankful for my job and ask God to help me be obedient in every aspect of my life…Even the areas of my job I like to complain about…I am ready, bracelet on, ready to focus on “not Complaining”
Well I guess I am going to lose the title of MoterMouth, shoot what am I going to say?! I really want to be a light of GOD, drawing poeple to him. I want to be a joy to be around, I want friend. I want to honor GOD with my mind, soul and body so I better learn to control my mouth and mind. I am looking forward to this….
I appreciate the challange here. I’m guilty to often of complaining.
To me it means that I should speak life to those I come in contact with rather than speaking death. Complaining is the hardest for me to stop.
Debbie D
OUCH! I am guilty of all. I think it depends on the situation. I am so looking forward to this study. I am not going to tell family I am doing it and seeing if they notice a change.
At first thought, I always apply Ephesians 4:29 to my parenting. Because I don’t complain or gossip or critize–much. But…after studying this verse in the last few weeks at BSF, I came to a realization. Even the way I talk to my best friend needs to be changed. I “go to” her with all my complaints and gripes about my hubby, my kids, my parents. What type of example is that setting for her, for her marriage, for her family?
As for which I will struggle with the most, all those types of negative talk!
This scripture has been put before me A LOT this past year….. I think the Lord is trying to get a point across!! I am such a whiner (I can’t believe I just admitted that), and I am VERY critical – I mean VERY!! I think it’s gonna be a rough start and I might not like the slap in my face, reality check, but I am so excited to do this challenge – I am so extremely exhausted and ready for positivity again!
Sarcasm.
Wow- Mainly sarcasm and then criticism will be hard not to do! I use a lot of sarcasm.
I think they will all be equally challenging to conquer. In the New Testament book James, the author talks about controlling the tongue. It is very difficult.
Mine would have to be sarcasm. I never thought of it as complaining but boy was I just convicted!! Thank muchos much for this challenge. Looking forward to starting…guess I could go ahead and start 😉
Ephesians 4:29 reminds me of THINK: is it True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary and is it Kind. My guess is that criticism is going to be hardest, so often you do it without realizing what it is I am doing.
*talk
Hmm, I may not again!
thanks for the opportunity to win!
Come check out my list of 100 Smoothies! Comment if you’d like on which one is you favorite!
Love, Traci @ Ordinary Inspirations http://www.ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com/2012/04/100-smoothie-recipes.html
I’m not sure what will be the hardest–i honestly don’t know what my worst offender is. Perhaps sarcasm?
Ephesians 4:29 says to me, “If what your about to say is not going to improve someone’s life, don’t say it all”.
The hardest thing for me to quit is sarcasm which I use to complain, gossip, and criticize. It is a very unfortunate habit for me.
I wish it wasn’t easier to complain than to find something positive to say.
Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
To me that means not to let anything that is not positive come out of my mouth. What comes out of my mouth must be positive and be benefiting to others as well.
The hardest challenge for me will be the complaining and the gossip due to I work in a high stress environment where sometimes all that is spread is rumors and gossip.
Another wow!! I pray that God will enable me to put a muzzle on…to stop words from coming out of my mouth unless they are good, true, pure, and will build others up. Just as I am crushed or built up by the words of others, I need to use my own words with this in mind.
All areas will be hard for me to give up. I guess the hardest, though, will be complaining/criticizing. Even when things aren’t going great around me and I have worries and frustrations, I’m going to give it all to God and just do my very best and leave the rest up to Him. I can’t control others around me at work church, home, etc, but I can control myself with God’s help! 🙂
Ashley —
Learning and living “I can’t control others around me” is SUCH a huge part of the battle!
Welcome aboard!
C
Great post, I needed this and will be thinking about the challenge…
Crystal–
Glad you gained something of value!
In His Delight,
Cheri
It says to me that my mouth is out of control. But even more importantly my heart is-the mouth is the overflow of the heart! The complaining part will be the hardest for me. Not so much the complaining ii verbalize but the complaining I internalize.
Kris–
Oh girl, I am SO right there with you re: internalized complaining! I actually have to start talking aloud to interrupt the mulling-and-stewing that wants to take over my thinking.
It’s a good thing we serve a God who can tame out-of-control tongues!
In His Delight,
Cheri
I would have to agree with the others. Not complaining would be the hardest for me. This is something that I have been working on.
Desiree–
Looks like we’re all in “good” company, eh?
I’d sympathize with you about how hard it is to stop complaining, but then I’d be complaining about complaining… 😉
Seriously, though, we’re going to take a square aim at this with the word of God as our weapon!
In His Delight,
Cheri
Ephesians 4:29 means that I need to open my eyes and realize that my complaining words are not only damaging to myself and those around me, but they go against God.
I think that stopping the complaining and sarcasm are going to be the most difficult. Truthfully all of them are going to prove challenging, but I am determined to have a very successful 31 days and carry it on past the 31 days. I’m excited!! 🙂
TEllison —
I was browsing through some early photos of my children today, remembering how hard it was when they were sick or hurting. And I suddenly realized that if it hurts me to see my own children hurting, how much more must it hurt God when you and I, his precious daughters, are hurting? Hurting ourselves? Hurting each other? He experiences the pain in the present and he sees the long-term consequences; no wonder he begs us to treat ourselves and others as his Masterpieces!
I’m excited to have you with us!
In His Delight,
Cheri
For me, complaining and criticizing tend to go hand in hand. I have tried to stop complaining once before, and I found that when stuff didn’t come out of my mouth, it still didn’t leave my head. I will have to practice not only keeping my mouth shut, but also keeping that inner monologue from going off inside my head and making me crazy and stressed out. A few months ago, I started some anti-depressants and surprisingly they helped with both the inner and outer complaining. BUT…I had to get off of them when I found out that I am pregnant (yay, yay, yay!!), and I find myself slipping back into old habits…especially the inner monologue part. I think my new motto (that I need to print out many copies of and keep EVERYWHERE) will be “Let everything you say be good and helpful”
Jennifer —
Bless your heart! Congratulations on your pregnancy — how far along are you?
I SO understand that inner monologue…for me, it has a name: Ed (as in Eating Disorder). Ed isn’t nearly as loud as he used to be, but he’s found ways to diversify through the years. Every time I think “I” have him beat, I find yet another opportunity for surrender.
One of the topics I’ll write about later this week is the difference between complaining and problem-solving. It was such a relief to me to realize that I don’t have to stuff Ed — I can hand his voice and monologue over to God through prayer, every hour or minute as needed!
LOVE your motto idea! I need to have my daughter design us a beautiful printable of that.
In His Delight,
Cheri
Jennifer & Cheri,
I can so relate to the inner monologue going off….how do you get your inner thoughts to change. I’m pretty good at controlling what comes out of my mouth, but controlling what I’m thinking(complaining is my biggest one) that’s a REAL challenge! A part of me thinks, we’re human so we can’t expect positive thoughts all the time, but what seems impossible for us to handle I need to learn how to daily be still and let God, cast away our negative thoughts/fears to Him.
Looking forward to this Challenge!
~Shannon
Shannon —
You’ve asked what for me is THE question: “How do you get your inner thoughts to change?”
I can’t promise “all the answers.” But I believe the Holy Spirit will be revealing some specifics in our lives in May!
C
Not only should we not use foul language but we shouldn’t be saying anything that tears someone down (either to them or in other’s eyes). Our words should only bring glory to God. Our words should be used to help someone feel stronger, encouraged, supported. But to me, this isn’t just about what comes out of my mouth. This is about what goes on in my mind and in my heart. I can chose to not speak foul language or not speak negatively to someone, but it’s really easy to “get away with it” in my mind. Of course, God knows but it seems easier to get away with it when none of my peers can hear me. Complaining seems like a knee jerk reaction to me, especially when challenges come up. And quite frankly, I don’t like it. Complaining, criticism, and gossip all seem to go hand in hand. I find that when I do one, I’m doing the others. If I obey God and chose to not allow anything from my mouth or mind that would not build up another person, I think the complaining will be more apt to fade. I’ll be focusing on the positive, focusing on how to encourage and build up.
Lisa —
So true that it’s easy to “get away with it” in our minds! Keepin’ it under the radar, thinkin’ we won’t get “caught”…
The whole “knee jerk reaction” is what caught me so off guard the first time I tried going complaint-free. I could not believe how many seemingly small habits I had — how much I did and said with absolutely NO thought involved! It scared me, actually, almost like arriving home at midnight and not remembering the last 30 minutes of the drive kinda scared. I had the sense that I was this close to disaster if I didn’t stop allowing myself to coast along through life stuck on “complain”!
You’re so right: Complaining, Criticism, and Gossip all flowing together in a vicious cycle. And we’ll be practicing replacing those negatives with positives, like encouragement.
In His Delight,
Cheri
That I am in big trouble!! I have become one of those people who is as my family puts it “nice to eveyone but us”. I think what I would call complaining, but my family would call critizing is going to be the hardest for me. But I am committed to changing and with God by my side I will make it through. Thanks Cheri!!
LeAnne —
Welcome to “The Big Trouble Club”! I’m not facilitating this challenge because I’ve arrived but because I need all the help I can get…and I’ve seen such miraculous improvement in areas I considered impossible that I have hope for far, far more.
“Nice to everyone but us” sounds like a topic all its own to tackle! My family has never said it…but I’m willing to bed they’ve thought it many a time!
Committed to changing alongside you!
In His Delight,
Cheri
EVERYTHING I say (not just some of it!) should have the goal of building others up (which will in turn build me up!). I am comfortable playing the “victim” and complaining, but I want to be free! This will be difficult but of course not impossible : ). Praying!
J&J —
What? I have to stop playing the victim? How come? That’s not fair! Everyone else gets to major in “I’m a victim.” Why can’t I?
Ooops. 😉 I think you’ve nailed a HUGE challenge in our current society. Seeking God’s strength to take responsibility rather than falling into victimhood is decidedly counter-cultural!
Your comment about “EVERYTHING I say (not just some of it!) should have the goal of building others up) has me thinking about the few people I know who truly live this out. They are the most gracious, uplifting, joy-sharing people I know, truly Christ-like. I desire to be like them, but I’ve played the victim and told myself, “I could never be like so-and-so.”
Hmmm…much to ponder in prayer!
In His Delight,
Cheri
The hardest for me will probably be the complaining. Things seem to be falling apart one right after the other. I know this is because Satan is trying to wear me down and cause me to lose my faith and not follow through with His calling me into ministry. However, if I am complaining and others hear me, what does that say abot my faith in God and how much I love and appreciate what He has done for me? This is what I think of when reading Ephesians 4:29. Are all these things natural for us to do! Yes, but it hurts our witness and does not allow us to show a loving, kind and merciful heart. This is the kind of heart Jesus has for us.
Sounds like you are under serious attack, Sister!
You are so right: although complaining is so natural for us, it distorts the way others see of Christ in us.
I am praying for your call into ministry.
In His Delight,
Cheri
Ephesians 4:29(KJV)
29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
To me it says not to complain, gossip, speak bad words because as a christian you dont want to set an example that the behavior is right. You have to watch what you say because you could be the believer that a non-believer is watching.
Katrina —
Thank you for the reminder of the grandeur of the KJV — I revised my post to include it! “No corrupt communication” is such a powerful phrase…as is “minister grace”.
Excellent reminder that you and I may be the only Bible some people ever “read’!
In His Delight,
Cheri
It tells me to only speak when I have something useful to say and to choose my words wisely.
Not complaining will probably be hardest for me.
[email protected]
Jyl —
Considering whether I have something useful to say and choosing my words wisely both imply that I pause before I speak, which too I often do not! All the more reason I’m trying to learn to “be still” so that I can be reminded that He is God (not me!)
In His Delight,
Cheri