TPC "lite": Living Buy the Book (Part 1)
Kathi says, “Our garage is the place where hopes and dreams go to die.” (The Get Yourself Organized Project, pg. 107)
I’ve not set foot in the garage since my initial disaster.
But I can tell you that my bookshelves are where my hopes and dreams fight for life.
Since (in true Sanguine form) I have so many different interests, I’m going nuts trying to figure out which are the “wheat” and which are the “tares” as I attempt to weed out half (okay, maybe a quarter?) of my books.
The dining area bookcases alone house entire shelves dedicated to:
- mother-daughter relationships
- success and motivation
- Louisa May Alcott and Laura Ingalls Wilder
- marriage
- story-telling and memoir-writing
- Christian living for women
- personalities and temperament
- parenting
- Spiritual growth
- eating disorders
- C.S. Lewis and George MacDonald
- speaking and presenting
Replacing Baditude
Before I share how the Holy Spirit is convicting me regarding my books, I want to be clear that I’m not simply using the pronoun “I” but really meaning “you.”
I have a book problem. You’ll understand why I’m so convicted about this in a moment.
But you may have just as many books–perhaps even more!–and not have a book problem.
So to be really clear, here: although I’m talking about books, today, the real issue isn’t the books.
The real issue is my heart.
And my bookshelves are overflowing because of I’ve had a heart-full of fear. Far too many of these books were bought in reaction to insecurity.
- Thought: “I’m a terrible mother!”
- Reaction: 3 parenting books on their way from Amazon.com.
- Thought: “I don’t know how I’m going to stay in this marriage!”
- Reaction: 6 marriage books on their way from six half.com sellers.
- Thought: “I feel like a spiritual fake when I’m around real Christian women.”
- Reaction: 20 inspirational books on their way from CBD.com.
90% of the books I’ve purchased while feeling scared and insecure have never been opened, let alone read.
I didn’t buy them to learn, grow, or change.
I bought them to make me feel better.
Addiction = a mood-altering relationship with a substance, experience, or individual that has life-damaging consequences
Hi. I’m Cheri…
With God’s Word
On Day 14, I wrote about how my beliefs about “the certain ways things should be done” get in the way of trusting God.
Trust in the Lord forever. Not in Amazon.com. Not in half.com. Not even in CBD.com.
On Day 15, I wrote about the need to be still and slow down.
Love is patient and kind. Love doesn’t envy, boast, or buy books by the dozen (especially not with overnight shipping to get them here faster!)
I need to let go of my fears and misplaced trust.
I need to Let God demonstrate His trustworthiness–yet again!–in my life.
I need to let go of my insecurities and desire to fix them now.
I need to Let God–and God alone!–be my source of security.
And Gratitude
from my journal:
Today I’m praying…
- …for conviction to turn to prayer and my Bible long before Amazon.com and CBD.com.
- …for the faith to open up half my bookshelves.
- …for direction as I focus my interests where You are leading (which I do not believe is in all different directions at once!)
Today (as I’m sorting thru books!) I’m watching for…
- …evidences of Sanguine fun I need to add back into my life.
- …practical, detailed “how-to”s that will make my life more efficient.
- …lessons for Choleric leadership I can incorporate into my life.
Today I’m appreciating…
- …the patience of my husband who has put up with all my stuff throughout his house without complaint for almost 25 years!
- …the opportunities to bless others with some wonderful books.
- …Your gentle, patient, loving kindness as I learn some long over-due lessons!
Your turn!
- Behind what clutter do you find fear and/or insecurity hiding?
- What do you accumulate in order to “feel better”?
- Other thoughts / reflections / insights on today’s topic?
I’m needing to sort out my books. I have so many they are stored in boxes in the spare room. There are so many boxes you can’t even get into the room. Now that is a book addict.
hmmm..interesting thought. It speaks to me that I always need to check my heart that nothing replaces what God can say to me. Thanks for sharing this 🙂
I never looked at it that way. Many of my books are old college textbooks, fiction, and bible studies. I wonder if I did purchase some of the self help books during times of insecurity when I should have been relying on Him. So much to think about today. Thank you for this post! Have a blessed day!
Kristina — If you’re not feeling convicted in this area, don’t worry about picking up guilt that doesn’t have your name on it! The goal of today’s post is simply to become aware of what we hold onto (and reach for more of) when we’re fearful and insecure. I’m aiming to keep only the books that prompt gratitude when I see them…not the ones that make me remember how much money I wasted having a “bad day”!
I have a heart full of fears as well. I spend a lot on self help type books.
Stacy — I so understand! And I’m not feeling convicted to get rid of all my books…just the ones that resulted from (and now produce) fear/insecurity and substitute for God’s leading.
I do the same thing you do – there’s a problem so there must be a book with a solution. 100+ books on my shelves, unopened, unread – problem has been resolved. One day I decided that I was not the thing that always needed changing or improving. No one else in my family was reading books to work out our problems so why did I decide that I was always the problem and I always needed to find the solution. I’ve cut way back buying Christian “self-help” books and have sold or given many of the others away. I refuse to continue to feel that I am always the problem or it’s always my fault therefore I need to research a solution.
“I refuse to continue to feel that I am always the problem or it’s always my fault therefore I need to research a solution.” Bless your heart! I know that feeling. It sounds like you’re getting clear about what is and is not your responsibility!
Cheri, thank you. I am actually going through a period of book reflection myself right now. (AND I review books on my blog a bit…UGH!! Talk about free books…let alone the $5 bag sales!)
Thank you for pointing me to God! And if you love LIW and LMA, may I STRONGLY suggest Maud Hart Lovelace? My favorite of hers is Emily of Deep Valley.
I look forward to part 2…I would love to discuss a bit more!
Heya Annette!
Michele Cushatt recommended a book she was reading earlier this year about a woman who (among other things, I believe) gave up books for a period of time because she felt she was substituting them for God. The irony of me buying the book was not lost on either of us!!!
Thank you for the recommended reading! I will absolutely check out your suggestions!!! (Hopefully via Kindle? 😉
I am this person! I have for years felt that I could get everything perfect if I just read and studied enough. Some great person out there has the formula for complete success in life. I have ordered the multiple books and read only a chapter or two and moved on to the next. I have found the only real solution is God’s Word and all the rest are useful or insightful but why study the imitation when the original will lead me? Now I am working on open my mind to be led and not questioning every step “but why”. Have a Blessed Day, Lucy
Lucy — Sounds like we’re on similar journeys! Love your question “why study the imitation when the original will lead”! I am a vicarious learner — I gain practical how-to steps from listening to and reading other Christian women share their experiences of applying God’s word to their lives or how God has led in their lives. But such books/messages aren’t what will sustain me.
Your comment “not questioning every step ‘but why'” reminded me of something I read in Lysa Teurkerst’s book Becoming More than Just a Good Bible Study Girl just last weekend. She talks about her own grief after losing her sister and all the Why questions she asked. “Asking why is perfectly normal. Asking why isn’t unspiritual. However, if asking this question pushes us farther from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, it is the wrong question.”
I’ve had so many students and friends get so stuck on “why” that it eclipses their view of anything else. One problem with asking “why” is that, at least for me, the motivation for doing so is so that I can change things once I get the answer. And so often, what I’m trying to change is un-changeable. It’s a fact, not a problem. Something I must accept, not fight. (I spent the first half of my marriage treating my husband as a problem not a person…not pretty!)
Anyhow, thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I’ve been following your posts for a month or so and never commented, but this idea has been wiggling around in my mind for a while and you put words to it. Do I buy new (and unnecessary) clothes to make me feel better about myself? Do I buy unneeded knick-knacks and (let’s be honest) clutter to make me feel better about my home? Sometimes the books I buy are truly helpful, but I can look back and see many times when I have bought books because I’ve been scared of making a decision or because I thought they might contain some magic to improve my life. Why is it so hard to find our worth in God?
Meghan — “Why is it so hard to find our worth in God?” You’ve nailed it! This is the bottom line issue for all of the “baditude” hiding behind our “stuff.” And our society holds up as role models those who accumulate the most and fanciest “stuff”!
I love your line “they might contain some magic to improve my life” — I SO get that! And now there they sit, not looking so magical after all…