The Worst Control-Freak Mistake We Don’t Have to Make
Ironically, our women’s group just started Lysa TerKeurst’s Unglued study.
We’re focusing on how we respond to “raw emotions.”
I love to say I’m just “keeping it real…ha, ha!”
Doing “field research,” right?
If only I could get away with it so easily!
Faux-Pas #5: Failure to Seek Forgiveness
I’ve brought blank note cards with me to Las Vegas. I will be prayerfully writing apology notes to leave on my colleagues’ desks next week.
(Along with cute cupcake note pads I found at Staples. A little“fun” goes a LONG way in helping a Sanguine/Choleric apologize!)
The day after the meeting, I talked with one colleague face-to-face.
I apologized for specific behaviors. I acknowledged how I suspected my behaviors made her feel.
And I asked forgiveness, which she generously offered amidst, “Oh, don’t worry about it! I totally understand!”
I will seek out my other colleague f-2-f as well.
Am I beating myself up and taking on the blame as if the whole thing is my fault?
No.
I am taking responsibility for my part in the communication break-down.
And doing what I can to make amends.
If I don’t, I know what will happen:
- First, I will feel guilty.
- Then, once the appropriate window of time for apology shuts, I will feel ashamed. And I can’t live with shame.
- So I will demonize this colleague. Make up a convincing story about why I chose not to apologize. Why I really didn’t need to apologize. Why I actually should not apologize.
Ever.
This will change who she can be around me.
And it will change me in ways I don’t want to be changed.
LET. IT. GO.
After humorously exploring the many creative ways in which women respond to having things not go our way, Karen says this:
Our only solution is to cultivate the gentle art of acceptance, of learning not to ask “Why me?” but rather “What am I supposed to learn at this junction of life that will make me a better person and draw me closer to God?”
Rather than pouting and asking God to get us out of the circumstances, we should be pondering, What does God want me to learn about him that I might never discover if he were to suddenly pluck me out of this situation? What qualities is he attempting to grow in me? Patience? Trust? Contentment? Acceptance?
When we adopt this line of thinking, we can experience the thrilling feeling of being “out of control” and loving it.
I am so not joking.
Personally, I’m not ready to call it a “thrilling feeling.” I’m still at the woozy stage. But after four decades of gut-wrenching control issues, I’m ready to try something different.
But I Don’t Want To!
Mind you, I don’t want to apologize to my other colleague.
I apologized to the easy one and would love to leave it at that. 50% is better than 0%, right? We can call that progress, right?
Not according to the checks in my spirit during my morning quiet times ever since The Meeting. The conviction growing in my heart regarding what I must do, regardless of result.
My least favorite thing on earth: doing what I do not want to do when failure is almost certain.
But obedience is my job. Results are God’s.
So this week, Psalm 119:147 has taken on all-new meaning:
I rise before dawn and cry for help;
I have put my hope in your word.
Not my feelings.
Not my knee-jerk reaction.
Not my rationalizations that this really has all blown over, why make it a bigger deal than it needs to be?
(See how fast my self-centered brain generates logical, easy-to-agree-with options?)
Obedience to say:
- I’m sorry.
- I am afraid my words and actions caused you pain.
- Will you forgive me?
I’ve already made the first four Control-Freak Faux-Pas.
I choose not to make the 5th.
These posts always make me squirmy because THEY ARE SO TRUE! I’m wrinkling my nose at the screen “I do not!” (oh, yes I do.) I need that book…and yours!