Letting Go
After bedtime, in the dark
gripping the edge of my crib
calling, calling, calling out
as I so often did:
“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”
Silence, looming silence,
mocks me in reply.
I raise my voice, bravely
mustering yet another try:
“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”
Hours later (so it feels)
exhausted by my fears
I let go, sit down,
find my blankie,
dissolving into tears.
* * * * *
Her frail unsteady body
barracades the door.
Voice breaking, eyes glistening
she pleads with me once more:
“I don’t want to let you go!”
I clench my jaw, soothe my voice
promise to come again.
Praying that when I return
she’ll remember who I am.
* * * * *
I’m driving into darkness
helpless, lost, and small
that cried-out voice still echoing
her sad, scared, lonely call:
“Mowie!
I want you!
I need you!”
I don’t want to let you go.
Silence, brooding silence
echoes in reply.
I’ve lived so long without you
but still can’t say good bye.
“I’ve lived so long without you, But still can’t say good-bye.”
Oh, Cheri. I felt my heart sink at these words. They are wholly true, in my experience. It’s been so long since I’ve had a mother. She’s been gone ten years already, though I see her every other day.
Your gift for expressing this unique loss is beautiful!!
Ahhh, those are such magic words!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I can hardly see the screen for my tears.
I know exactly how it feels. I know exactly how it feels. I know exactly how it feels.