Grace for the Good Girl: Which Voice?

 


 Hearing Voices

A few quotes from Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman:

 “I knew how to listen to the spirit of fear. I had not yet learned the voice of the Spirit of God.”

 [referring to taunts from cruel boys in childhood]:  “…even though I’m a grown-up now and I can rationalize that those boys were simply insecure and thoughtless, it doesn’t change my mind. I still believe what they said even though I am grown.“

 [referring to praise and accolades from grown-ups] “…instead of simply interpreting their words as encouragement, I internalized them and let them become a standard to continue reaching for. I put extreme pressure on myself to live up to the good girl in their minds. I wanted people to see me as able, even as young as elementary school. I let their proud words define me and lead me to a puffed-up self-dependence, leaving little room for Jesus.”
On Day 2 of The PURSE-onality Challenge, I wrote:

What I Hear…

 
In her book For Men Only (Yes, I read it; please don’t tell on me!), Shaunti Feldhahn quotes a woman from her survey saying, “women are truly verbal and can’t help it….the things [people] say to us are in mental tape archives and are as real today as they were the moment they were spoken.”
 
I don’t know about you, but this sure hit home for me! 
 
For almost a quarter of a century, my husband has wondered why I purposely rehearse painful conversations in my mind, re-evoking old emotions. 
 
I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just that as a woman, so often what I hear I take to heart.  

Fear vs. Love

The scripture I’m pondering as I process all of this is 1 John 4:18:

There is no fear in love. 
But perfect love drives out fear, 
because fear has to do with punishment. 
The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
 
If there’s anything a “good girl” fears, it’s punishment…the ultimate “proof” that she’s messed up and, thus, is no longer good.
 
But when I live to avoid punishment, I live out of fear, not love.
 
A few months ago, I started pondering this question:  Why do I keep trying so hard to do what God’s already done?
 
Do I really think I can do more than what Christ already did on the cross? 
 
The issue of punishment was handled at the cross when Jesus said, “It is finished.”
 
It’s time to stop listening to the voice of fear. To stop taking fear to heart. (Click to Tweet this.)
 
To hear, instead, the words of God.
 
And take Him–and His love–to heart.

 

Hi, I'm Cheri! I'm a collaborator, teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. I love helping women break free from destructive expectations through a blend of “how to” and “heart, too.” I've been married to my college sweetheart Daniel (who is my opposite personality!) for 35+ years and we have two adult children: Annemarie and Jonathon.

5 Comments

  1. Pamela Cross says:

    So glad to have found this site! So much better is the day if we start it off with the Lord instead of trying to do it on our own!

    Reply
  2. The Queen Mommy says:

    Wow. This really hit me hard. I get what Emily wrote, and I totally understand what you commented on, too. That is so me. Punishment means I’ve messed up and am “no longer good.” That made me cry. It is really easy to forget just how much He loves me no matter what because I listen more to the spirit of fear than the Spirit of God. Really thought provoking and heart touching. Thank you

    Reply

  3. I’m so happy you’re blogging through this book. I need to get into it! Do you have a schedule of reading for it?

    Reply

  4. Oh my. The Lord is talking to me today. Last night I heard a song by Jason Gray on loving instead of fearing and I wanted to turn it off because I just couldn’t see how it was possible. I play those tapes over and over in my head all the time. Thank you for the helpful honest post!

    Reply

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