Episode #80: Retrospect — What You Need to Know About Making Changes

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Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules

Episode #80: What You Need to Know About Making Changes

 

Cheri

Hey, this is Cheri Gregory…

 

Amy

…and I’m Amy Carroll…

 

Cheri

…and you’re listening to “Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules.” The podcast that helps you lose who you’re not, love who you are, and live your one life well.

 

Amy

We are delighted that you’ve joined us for another installment of our retrospect series as we get intentional about living examined lives, together!

 

Cheri

All right, so this is our eighth retrospect conversation, looking at our personal manifestos and just kind of looking back at the year 2017, which isn’t quite done yet, and looking forward to 2018.

 

Share with our listeners the next line in your personal manifesto.

 

Amy

Minute by minute I choose to trade perfectionism for joy.

 

Cheri

I love that. I love that you have minute by minute. Talk about that.

 

Amy

Oh, good golly. You know, both of us have written these books on perfectionism. I’ve said many times, I went into writing thinking I had something to share. I came out of writing realizing how in process I still am.

 

This my default. Perfectionism is my default, and I haven’t broken that yet. I’m working on it. It is being constantly aware of my thoughts, of my feelings, of my reactions to things, because my default is perfectionism. I can fall in that pit in a minute if I’m not really aware of trading perfectionism for joy.

 

Your word I love, you talk about drama in your life. Tell us your part of your personal manifesto.

 

Cheri

It took me two years to come up with the tagline for my website. And I knew it was going to be Less Drama, More something. You and I worked on this for the longest time. Then we just dropped it. About a year later, it was like, duh, because my life verse, has a word that begins with D. It’s Less Drama, More Delight.

 

 

It’s one of those things that when I came up with it, it would dope slap me. Like so many things in life that are important, it just took time to come.

 

I’m using drama as a pejorative, as a negative word here. So much of my life has … I don’t know that many people would call me a drama queen, but that’s mainly because they don’t know what goes on in my head. I generally am able to protect other people from all of the, I call it living … What do I call it?

 

Hypothetical lives … Living hypothetical lives. The drama just goes on in my head when something isn’t going the way I want, or it’s not going the way I think it should, or other people aren’t doing what I wish they would do.

 

Then I start with the, “Well, if this happens, then this, if this happens, then this,” and all of that. I start living all of those multiplied exponential lives in my head, and actually feeling the emotions of how I would feel if that horrible, awful thing actually happened.

 

Left to my own devices, I’ll have a hundred of those running around in my head. There’s times I actually find myself sitting in tears over something that has not actually happened. That’s not good.

 

And so for me, recognizing, first of all, I need to relate to myself with less drama, more delight. Relate with other people, and then the create part. I relate and create with less drama, more delight.

 

The create part is the anti-perfectionism, the, “I’m going to move forward with whatever it is that God has asked me to do,” whether it’s a writing project or teaching in the classroom. I’m just, I’m going to be less concerned with, is it coming out perfect, and more interested in, am I learning, am I being curious, am I being open to being surprised in a good way by what’s going on.

 

That’s been a lot more freeing.

 

Amy

And it sounds more delightful also.

 

Cheri

Exactly. Exactly.

 

Amy

The key to me … It was funny because you had asked me to find key verses for these episodes. I found one in Colossians 3. Then I thought about the beginning of Colossians 3, and both of us, with our vision statements here, with our mission statements, that we’re kind of following then … It says, “Since then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

 

I think that’s just so key to what we’re trying to do here, is we’re trying to set our hearts, and set our minds. That we’re set describes an action on our part, a choice, a decision on our part, an intentionality that we have to ascribe to and we have to adopt, in order to be able to do these things, to choose joy, to choose delight.

 

Cheri

What might that look like, for our listeners who are listening, and who are like, “Oh my goodness, I need to do that minute by minute thing.” Or, “There’s way too much drama going on.” Maybe it’s happening in their actual lives, maybe it’s just happening in their heads. How can they make the change from where their mind and heart are currently set?

 

Live you’ve said you’ve talked about our defaults. Our default is that our mind and heart are set here on this planet, and the lousy things that either are or aren’t happening in front of us. What does it look like as you look ahead to 2018, what do you want to be seeing happening differently? What changes are you planning to intentionally make to make that minute by minute thing even more, to grow in that area?

 

Amy

Okay, I’m really hating this question right now because …

 

Cheri

Notice, I got to it first. I’m asking you girl.

 

Amy

Really, great, thanks … I had this realization this morning that I’ve been falling into the pit again. I know why. Now you’re making me record what I know I need to do.

 

I have started the bad habit again or waking up, picking up my phone, looking at my email, checking Facebook, doing all that stuff. Before my feet even hit the floor, I’m anxious, I’m in perfectionism mode. I’m feeling like I have to get to work immediately, that kind of thing.

 

This morning I was like, “I got to stop it. I’ve got to stop it.” I need to set my heart and my mind on Christ first. Now, there it is recorded. I guess I have to do it, awesome. How about you?

 

<Laughter>

 

Cheri

You won’t be alone in this, ‘cause I’ve fallen into the same habit. I know, for me, that I am at my best if I don’t even check social media, anything like that, until 9:00 or 10:00 in the morning, which makes me want to start hyperventilating, because, what if, what if, what if. But, the truth is, the world will spin without me checking constantly. That’s how I set the tone of my day.

 

Amy

Yes.

 

Cheri

The other thing I know that I need to do, since you’re doing the true confession. I’ll do the thing that comes to my mind and heart is, I need to quit making excuses. I have some areas in my life where a little more drama is coming up then needs to. I’m excusing my part in it. I’m explaining it away, and I’m justifying myself, and that’s not okay.

 

If I really mean that I want less drama, more delight, it’s not … and I’m excusing myself and holding others up to a higher standard than I want to hold myself. Yeah, that means I’m busy being judgmental, and I am giving myself license, and withholding grace from others. Okay, we need to stop talking.

 

Amy

I’m going to turn your lovely question on you now. So, what are you going to do in the next year to change that Cheri? Gosh, wasn’t this retrospect series supposed to be for everyone else? What are we doing here? Anyway, go ahead.

 

Cheri

Oh my word. Oh my word. What am I going to do? Yes, what am I going to do?

 

Amy

I’m sorry I’m giggling. Turnabout’s fair play, girl.

 

Cheri

No, it’s okay. You’re having delight at my expense. I have drama, you have delight. Thank you so much.

 

I need to recognize that I am slipping back into old patterns. This is my habit of making some change, and getting complacent. Then when old patterns show back up again, I tell myself, “Oh no, I’ve moved beyond them, so I don’t need to do the things that protected me from the old habits in the past.” Remember, I’ve moved beyond that.

 

What I need to do is have the humility, rather than this false sense of pride that has no actual foundation. I need to quit thinking that I’m going to arrive, that I’m finally going to arrive and get to the point where none of this is a problem anymore. I don’t have to fight it.

 

That’s where I like your minute by minute. I like it for you. I don’t want it for me.

 

Amy

Well okay, now that we’ve agonized over what we have to do in this next year, I want to come back to something that you said this year, that has just continued to encourage me so much.

 

You talked about this idea of leveling up, about how change takes time, about how usually we face the same things, just like we’re talking about, over and over, and over again. That can feel really discouraging.

 

Your idea of leveling up, it’s like a video game, where the scenery might look the same, but we’re actually levels up. It’s harder. It’s more difficult. God is just doing more refining.

 

So, in this last year we’ve leveled up. Cheri, we have. We’ve made some change. The change just is never ending. It has to continue to last.

 

Cheri

I like that because that makes me not feel so resistant. I think that’s one of the biggest problems is when I know I need to go back and work on something, I resist, resist, resist.

 

I need to realize if I was at level four, I’m moving up to level five. That’s exciting. That’s actually kind of delightful that God’s leading us to that next level. It’s like, woo, that brings up the fight in me in a positive way. I like that. I appreciate that. Thank you for that perception change.

 

Amy

After turning your question back on you, you see I turned your good words back on you. That was good.

 

Cheri

That’s why we need to do this retrospect with a friend.

 

Amy

Absolutely.

 

Cheri

Head on over to GritNGraceGirls.com and click on new episode.

 

Amy

There you’ll find the transcript, and a free download that you can use as you pray-cess today’s episode for yourself.

 

Cheri

Come on over and find our Facebook group also. We’ll be doing some fun Facebook lives. Just go on Facebook and search for Grit N Grace Girls. You’ll find our page and our group as well.

 

Amy

Join us next week for another retrospect conversation, because an examined life is a better life.

 

Cheri

For today: grow your grit … embrace God’s grace … and when you run across a bad rule, you know what to do: go right on ahead and…

 

Amy ‘n’ Cheri

BREAK IT!!!