Episode #30: Overwhelmed – Finding a Path to Peace When Life’s Just Too Much

Amy:

Do you ever feel overwhelmed?

Now, maybe you think that’s a silly question, so let me rephrase: Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed? Or maybe all the time?

Well, you’re not alone.

One of our listeners put it this way, “My biggest struggle with people-pleasing and perfectionism is that it creates overwhelm in my life.”

Would you just love to leave behind the feeling of being “out of your mind” and move more to feeling “in control”?

Cheri:

This is Cheri Gregory…

Amy:

…and Amy Carroll…

Cheri:

…and we’re de-LIGHT-ed to welcome you to the first episode of “Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules” for 2017.

Amy:

Today’s guest is Kathi Lipp. She’s the co-author of Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity

Not only is she one of our precious friends, but she’s a busy conference and retreat speaker and the best-selling author of several books, including Clutter Free, The Husband Project, and The Get Yourself Organized Project.

Cheri:

If you struggle with feeling overwhelmed, a little or a lot, you’re going to LOVE the practical help that Kathi has for you right now!

Amy:

Well, I think it’s hilarious that today, right before our interview, I got to be the test case for Overwhelmed.

<laughter>

Kathi:

Do tell!

Amy:

Well, I have a calendar. It would have been good if I had looked at it before I promised my husband to do something at the same time…

Kathi:

Oh, yeah.

Amy:

…as I was supposed to talk to you two! This book, Overwhelmed, is something that I clearly need. I’m thinking a few more people, too. Is that why you attacked it?

Kathi:

I’d love to say we did this in service for everybody else. I’m pretty sure that we were writing this book to ourselves. Wouldn’t you say, Cheri?

Cheri:

I know that you didn’t even want to touch the topic for years, because…

Kathi:

Well, yeah.

Cheri:

…you knew what what would happens. What happens when you’d start…

Kathi:

Yeah.

Cheri:

…thinking about…

Kathi:

Yeah.

Cheri:

…writing a book.

Kathi:

Yeah, it’s the old adage “Don’t pray for patience because God will give you patience.” Don’t pray to stop being overwhelmed because the only way you’re going to get un- overwhelmed is to follow God as closely as possible. Now, here’s the rub. The times I’ve followed God as closely as possible have been the hardest times of my life. That just seems like a sucker’s bet. I’m just going to put it out there. I would rather be overwhelmed than crushed, so yeah. [It feels easier to] just stick with overwhelmed because we’re used to it and we’re comfortable with it, right?

Cheri:

Yeah.

Amy:

I’m thinking too that we’re celebrating the birth of the book Overwhelmed. Whoo-hoo!

Kathi:

Yay!

Amy:

It’s January!

Kathi:

Yeah.

Amy:

But the very nature of a book launch is so completely overwhelming.

Kathi:

Well, but Cheri and I made a pact. We said “This is the going to be the least overwhelming book launch ever.” Now I will say that there have been times throughout the book launch that I have been overwhelmed. I think of the packing party where we were …

Cheri:

Yeah.

Kathy:

… sending out all the stuff. But compared to other book launches, this has been a delight.

There’s no promise that we’re never going to be overwhelmed, that we’re all going to be standing in a field in gauzy clothes, spinning in circles because we’re just so filled with peace and joy.

I do believe that when I get to overwhelmed, I have a path back to peace. I haven’t had that before.

Cheri:

I like that. This is airing just a few days into the brand new year, when lots of people have decided 2016 is history and they don’t want to repeat anything like that again in their whole lives, so they’ve made New Year’s resolutions.

Kathi:

Right.

Cheri:

I know you’re not a fan, why not?

Kathi:

Okay. First of all, I am ready to kill 2016 as well. This has been the weirdest year for everybody. For our country, if you’re part … If you live in the United States, it’s been a weird year. I understand the wanting to bury the old and then making a long list of “Here are all the things I’m going to do different so it’s not going to be like last year.” I really believe that it’s such a punishing attitude.

Who has kept their New Year’s resolutions? I feel like change comes either slowly or it comes not with a preset date, but with a movement of God on our lives.

Cheri knows I became an adapter of Personal Manifestos.

Now, somebody was concerned that we were out in a shed in the back woods with an arsenal of guns. That’s not what I mean by Personal Manifesto, but it’s who do I want to grow into becoming? But I put it in the present tense. Because I really believe that there are power in words. If I didn’t, I shouldn’t be a speaker and author.

To say things like “I am on Roger’s team always.” Roger is my husband. I’m a big fan of Roger’s. I love to do things with him, I love to be on his team when it’s easy and convenient for me. When I say “I’m on Roger’s team always,” what that means is the week before Christmas where he is at church every single night because…

Cheri:

Oh, yeah.

Amy:

Yeah.

Kathi:

…he’s a tech guy. It means I show up, I get out of my house, my nice, warm, cozy house, and I go bring him dinner because he loves that. It doesn’t just do it when it’s fun for me. It’s like I do this all the time. I take care of my relationships with God, my people, and my family. It’s not just when it’s convenient. I’ve had to change my language. Instead of “I would like to someday become somebody who,” I say “I am” because that’s who I’m growing to become.

Amy:

I love the concept, and when I read it the first time, I thought “I have got to do this” because it forces us to find our why. People have talked a lot about that.

Kathi:
Right.

Amy:

Then it says “My whys determine my activities, not my…” Kathi

Right.

Amy:

“…activities are kind of out there and then maybe I’ll get to the why.”

Kathi:

Yeah.

Amy:

It’s “This is the foundation of how I decide what I do and what I don’t do.” So terrific.

Kathy:

You know, as we put together the planner for Overwhelmed, what we did … I really, we made the personal manifesto a part of our planner because we wanted to say “If your days do not reflect what your personal manifesto says, then you either need to change your personal manifesto or you need to change your days.” We have to figure that out.

Amy:

Okay, now I confessed to Cheri the other day, I’m a little scared of the planner. Because I…

Kathi:

We’re in a safe space.

Amy:

…love the book…

Kathi:

Yeah.

Amy:

I was like “This makes me feel so good to read this book.” But then I thought “Oh gosh, the planner makes it sound like I need to do what’s in the book!” So tell us then, how do we get a hold of it?

Kathi:

Isn’t that mean? We’re so mean with that.

Amy:

I know.

Kathi:

You know what, we’re going to have to edit this, because Cheri and I have not talked this through. I do believe that for our listeners, we can say “For our listeners only through this date, if you order the book we’ll send you the planner.”

Amy:

Okay.

Kathi:

Is that okay?

Cheri:

Yeah.

Kathi:

Yeah. I think that’s totally doable.

Cheri:

I love that.

Kathi:

Well-

Cheri:

Let me jump in real quick, because the planner isn’t … I mean, it’s a great planner on its own, but the thing that I’m so excited about is Kathy did seven little videos, little coaching videos, demonstrating how to play with your planner. Not force yourself, not punish yourself, not work endlessly on it. I loved how you said “It’s a planner, not a …”

Kathi:

…catcher-upper.”

Yeah. Because I think we use our planners as like “I’m so behind, I’m so behind, I’m so behind.”

What we’re saying is every week, you need to take a little bit of time to sit down and plan and prepare. Because when you do that, you’re making deliberate choices to plan instead of catch up. I want you to be ahead of the game.

In these seven videos we talk about how do you deliberately do this. I don’t want people to say “Oh, here’s a cute new planner,” and they dump everything from their old planner into the new planner.

There’s nothing magical about this planner. It does not automatically sort out what you’re supposed to be doing and what you’re not supposed to be doing. It doesn’t call people and cancel things for you. But … I know, wouldn’t that be nice?

Amy:

That’d be great.

Cheri:

Well, but you know, we laugh at that and yet..

Kathi:

Yeah.

Cheri:

…we’ve seen in the comments, I’ve seen people say “So does this book, does this planner, tell me what I should do and what I should not do?

I’ve been struck by how many women actually do want that outside permission, that outside source. What I think this planner and your coaching videos do is they set our listeners up to listen to the Holy Spirit guiding them.

Kathi:

Right.

Amy:

Yes.

Cheri:

Rather than relying on an outside authority, and that’s huge.

Kathi:

Right, because if you have your personal manifesto there, and then you have our plate exercise, which is determining what is the size of your plate. Some people are running around with turkey platters. I’ve got a dinner plate. Cheri was telling people that she had a demitasse cup, but really what she’s decided is she has a dessert plate. I love that, because what do you put on a dessert plate, Cheri?

Cheri:

You put sweet things. You put your favorite foods in the whole wide world. If I’m going to have small capacity, then I’m going to put only the good stuff on that.

Amy:

The yummy.

Cheri:

Yes. I feel much better…

Kathi:

Yes.

Cheri:

…about having a small plate now that I know that it’s a dessert plate.

Amy:

Oh-

Kathi:

Yeah.

Amy:

Cheri Gregory brings the yummy.

Kathi:

Isn’t that awesome? It’s not … What Cheri and I were having a conversation about this, and this is, I feel like this is one of the biggest “Ah-ha”s we’ve had since the book has been released, is that she was whining. I love her, but she was whining-

Cheri:

I was.

Kathi:

About her tiny little plate. How she was comparing her tiny little plate. She goes “I want a cafeteria tray capacity. I don’t want my tiny little plate.” My friend Angela and I were saying “Well, Cheri, you must have the largest little, you know, saucer in the world.” Because to the rest of us, Cheri produces a lot and she does it with love. She has fun with it.

What Cheri … You know, Cheri, I’m going to have you say it because it’s so brilliant. You get to say it.

Cheri:

This was kind of an “Ah-ha” for me because I realized that you guys were right, that we were both right. I do have a small capacity but in the last three to six months, I have been generating a lot. But it hasn’t been on my own strength and my own power. I have said no to a lot. I’ve only said yes to what I really believe God has asked me to do. All of these results are because He’s been multiplying.

Kathi:

Right.

Cheri:

Because of that, a ton of stuff is getting done, but I’m keenly aware it’s not me. I’m not feeling like “Look at me and my bad self.” I’m like “No, no, no. This all started on a very tiny plate. It was a dessert plate, but it all started on a tiny plate.”

I’m finding myself watching things happen that I know I’m not doing by myself. It’s putting me instead of a place of overwhelm, in panic or feeling like I have to perform or perfect or people-please, I’m feeling just overwhelmed in gratitude. That I’m along for the ride. I’m not saying every moment of every day that I’ve got this all perfectly balanced, but the predominant feeling is “Oh my goodness. How is this happening?”

Kathi:

Yeah.

Cheri:

Because I really am cutting back and more of the right things seem to be happening.

Kathi:

How you summed it up is when you recognize and honor the size of your plate, that’s when God will multiply.

Cheri:

Yeah.

Kathi:

When you stop trying to beg, borrow, and steal everybody else’s plate to get your agenda done…

Cheri:

Yeah.

Kathi:

…and you say “This is the size of my plate and I trust God with it,” that God did not forget to give you a bigger plate. He is going to do what He does with it.

Cheri:

Yeah.

Amy:

Oh, such a great insight. Well, we’ve talked about so many concepts from the book, from the planner and things.

For our listeners, I hope that this is spurring you go “I have got to have that.” It’s really that good, y’all. You’ve got to go get it. I want to say for those who haven’t read it yet and aren’t familiar with the concepts, Kathi, what’s the one thing, the one step women should take today to get out from being overwhelmed? Just a practical step? Because you guys are so practical, so I…

Kathi:

Yeah, we love the practical. I would say okay, besides recognizing the size of your plate, because I think that that is absolutely key. I would say the other thing is making sure that you are on other people’s teams…

Cheri:

Yeah.

Kathi:

…and they’re on yours.

Cheri:

Yeah.

Kathi:

I’ve had this discussion with both of you guys. It’s very weird to say “Hey, Cheri Gregory, you want to be on my team?” “Hey, Amy Carroll, you want to be on my” … Because you guys have your…

Cheri:

Yes, we do!

Kathi:

…own thing! I know, but it’s weird, right? It’s saying you already have your own thing, but I’m also asking you to contribute to my thing. Here’s the thing, I want to be a part of your thing too. I love all the things.

Amy:

We do too, Kathi!

Kathi:

Yes! Well, because Cheri and I are very good at very different things.

Cheri:

Yes.

Kathi:
Amy, you and I are very good at very different things. The two of you are really good at very different things.

Cheri:

Yes.

Kathi:

Why not everybody show up and do what they love to do, and benefit everybody instead of sitting here in our silos saying “I just have to work harder. I have to do more.

What do I need to do? How do I do this? I know I’m not good at this.” No, stop. Get other people on your team and be on other people’s teams. I think that that’s the key.

Cheri:

I think for those, our listeners who maybe grew up with this idea that asking for help meant you were weak or it was a sign that you were a wimp or whatever it might be. You’ve really helped me see a completely different side to asking for help, and how generous it is. Because we wouldn’t have this podcast if it hadn’t been for you sharing the steps to sharing “Seven Days to a Published Podcast”?

Kathi:

You’re good, yeah.

Cheri:

That made me even think I could do it. Then, you probably don’t know this part, but when I contacted Amy and said “Hey, Amy, want to do a podcast with me? Are you willing to talk to me?” We literally took one of the handouts about the worksheets from “Seven Days to a Published Podcast” with all…

Kathi:

Yeah.

Cheri:

…the lists of all the duties. Of course, it was a scary long list.

Kathi:
Of course.

Cheri:

I sent the list to Amy, and I said “Let’s both of us rate on a scale of 1-10, which ones we are most willing to do and which ones we hate the most.” When we shared lists, you want to guess what we discovered?

Kathi:

You were exact opposites.

Cheri:

We were exact opposites.

Amy:

We were.

Cheri:

Yeah.

Amy:

We got to giggling so hard, because I was feeling bad, sort of, about saying what I really loved. I was like “Well that seems like all the fun stuff. I’m making Cheri do all the bad stuff.” She felt the exact same way!

Cheri:

I almost wasn’t honest. I almost didn’t rate my highs as high as I was going to. I almost didn’t rate the lows as low as I was going to. I almost did a lot of middle scores just because “I’ll do anything, Amy! I want to work with Amy!”

Kathi:

Right.

Cheri:

But I decided, “You know what? We’re starting this thing from scratch. We’ve got to be honest with each other.”

Kathi:

Right.

Cheri:

When it came back that it was so clear that she’s the producer and I’m the editor, it was just amazing. We both are having fun, and we’re working, but we’re both having fun doing it.

So totally spot-on, this whole idea of building a team rather than feeling like “Somehow we’re being weak by asking for help. How sad.”

Kathi:

Right. I love your mouse voice. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before. It’s so true. It’s so freeing. It doesn’t mean that you can’t work with people who have similar …

Cheri:

Yeah.

Kathi:

…giftings as you. You just have to work in a different way. You don’t want a bunch of speakers getting together and think “Okay, now who’s going to be treasurer?” Nobody’s going to be treasurer! Because you’ll all end up in jail! That would be bad.

Amy:

That’s right.

Kathi:

Yeah, figure out where your strength are and find people to complement. Then go complement them. Go be their biggest cheerleader and go partner with them because God’s got a great plan. When we try to mess with the plan, that’s when we feel overwhelmed.

Amy:

With the team, not only are you not as overwhelmed, there is so much surplus joy…

Cheri:

Yeah.

Amy:

…in all the community.

Kathi:

It’s so much fun. You know, I have a journal of gratitude. I do my Adoration, Thanksgiving, Supplication, wait. (AC … I forgot confession! That’s funny.) In my thanksgiving, my team shows up all the time. All the time! Because it is, it’s a joy. Instead of feeling like you have to beg, borrow, and steal, it just means that everybody gets to do what they’re really good at. Sometimes there’s a crunch time and we have to do things that maybe aren’t our chief gifting. But you’ve got people there supporting you and loving you.

Cheri:

You know, that is so true, Amy. There is so much joy in having a team. And that’s something we’ve been experiencing recently, because we — over the last few months — have developed a team of interns. And I don’t think I’m over-stating it to say that we could not possibly do this podcast without them.

Amy:

That is so absolutely true. And it’s funny … you know, everyone’s had varied experiences with teams? I was a little reluctant to start this intern program…

Cheri:

Yeah.

Amy:

…because I thought that it could actually add problems, instead of being a blessing. It’s been the opposite. It’s been a tremendous blessing to us. Not only do they work hard, but they’re praying for us; they’re adding such amazing ideas.

Cheri:

That’s been really the best part. God brought together an amazing team for us. And they have come up with the best ideas, I know I wouldn’t have come up with on my own, and probably even the two of us wouldn’t have come up with on our own.

Amy:

So, today we’re giving away a copy of Kathi and Cheri’s book: Overwhelmed: How to Quiet the Chaos and Restore Your Sanity.

Head to GritnGracegirls.com/episode30 to enter!

Cheri:

You’ll also find a FREE “How to Create Your Own Personal Manifesto” download, and the “Get Out from Overwhelmed Planner — Do Great Things, Be Less Cranky” which comes with 7 coaching videos done by Kathi Lipp.

And you’ll also find this week’s Digging Deeper, created by one of our amazing interns, Kimberli.

And the transcript of today’s podcast.

Amy:

We hope you’ve enjoyed Episode #30 of Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad rules! Join us next week, when we’ll be talking with Glynnis Whitwer.

Cheri:

For today, grow your grit … embrace God’s grace … and when you run across a bad rule, go right on ahead and

Amy ‘n’ Cheri:

BREAK IT!