Day 29: STRENGTH
I’m simultaneously losing my mother to Alzheimer’s and launching my 21-year-old daughter and soon-to-be 20-year-old son into adulthood.
I’m struggling with both.
C.S. Lewis writes, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
I so get what he means.
And I’m disappointed in myself for being such a cry-baby and scaredy-cat.
You see, I’d hoped that by mid-life, I’d be a shining example of how to handle these necessary losses with the “strength and dignity” of the legendary Proverbs 31 woman.
Most days, though, I’m more like a poster girl for How Not to _____ (fill in the blank with “Parent” or “Teach” or “Be a Supportive Helpmeet” or “Be a Good Daughter”.)
I feel like the weak link at work and at home. I’m disappointed by my own weakness, at a time when so many need me to be strong.
One of my students recently shared his courageous testimony about losing his mother to cancer when he was in elementary school. He stood tall and strong at the podium, voice steady, words powerful, message gripping.
I wept.
In fact, I don’t think I’ve stopped weeping – inwardly, at least – and that was a couple of months ago.
Psalm 46:1 says
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
The order is vital: first refuge.
Then strength.
I get it backwards.
In my Choleric frenzy for action, I bargain with God to borrow a bit more strength. And I miss what I need most.
I miss the Refuge.
I read countless books about parenting young adults and supporting aging parents.
But I miss the Refuge.
I go to women’s group and church potluck and staff meeting, seeking friendship and comfort.
And I still miss The Refuge.
The lyrics to Precious Lord – “I am tired, I am weak, and I am worn” – so describe me right about now.
Trying to do the “strength” thing on my own isn’t working. The stronger I try to be, the weaker I seem to get.
So today, I’m going to stop trying so incredibly hard to be strong.
“I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’ He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge…”
Psalm 91:2&4(a)
Today, this hour, this minute, I’m seeking Refuge.
Which is, paradoxically, the only place to find Strength.
(Can’t see image? Click here to download Philippians 4:13!)
Try this today
Journal or simply talk with God about the ways you’ve tried to handle your one obstacle to contentment (from Day 28’s Try this today) on your own. How have you tried to bargain for strength without refuge? Can you imagine “just” taking refuge and leaving the obstacle to Him?
Leave a comment!
- responding to today’s blog, and/or
- sharing your Day #1-29 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
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Such a great post, Cheri! A message a need to hear over and over and over. Thank you.
I want Him to be my refuge but I get in the way. I think I am my biggest obstacle to contentment. I know that bargaining doesn’t work with God. He knows how to motivate us but we need to listen for Him. I tend to have a hard time being still and quiet enough to listen for Him. I’ll just keep praying that He will show me how to let Him be my refuge. Hopefully I’ll stay still long enough to hear His answer.
“The stronger I try to be, the weaker I seem to get.” This statement sums me up!! I try & try to be strong for everyone around me and I fail to take refuge in my Father’s arms! I have to remember I have a place to go to rest and there I DO NOT have to be strong. I just have to…. “BE” 🙂 Thanks Cheri!! Love this study!!
This was a big lesson for me to lean …when my son was diagnosed with cancer I was taken out at the knees…I could always fix everything no matter what it was I found a solution for the problem…from fixing my sons truck I ran a fuel line or replaced a radiator hose, made sure he had gas money at 2am ect ect ect…..but this I couldnt fix I wasnt in control….I learned that I had to stop thinking I didnt need anyone I could do it all myself….Not….Thats when I knew I needed God and he was the only safe refuge I had…It took my son asking me “Mom why are you crying you told me God would take care of me”?
and he did my son is 5 years cancer free and I am 5 years stronger in the Lord!!!
Chris,
Yay! for 5 years cancer free, and Yay! for 5 years stronger in the Lord! 🙂 Your son is blessed to have you as a mom, and I know that he knows that! Hugs, Gena
Great, encouraging words to start my day. I am so glad that God is my strength and my refuge every day. He is always there when I need Him. 🙂
Good theme for today! The Tuesday after a long holiday weekend is…not something I’m overly excited about at the moment. I am seeking a lot of refuge to keep me in the right frame of mind to tackle it! 🙂
I would love to read this book. As a pastor’s wife, I meet a lot of women walking alone. I would like to not only read it, but share it as well! It looks like it would bring great encouragement and strength.
I do the same thing. I go for the strength and not the refuge. I will start by going for the refuge and then I will find the strength that I need. He provides both the refuge and the strength, but refuge comes first, need to remember that
I just commented but didn’t finish. My husband died 7 years ago, my son moved his family last year and my father died in November. All the men (my strength and refuge)in my life are gone but I know my main “Man” is still there. My God is now my strength and refuge. I just have to remember when I feel alone.
I am tired (physically), I am weak (trying to diet) and I am worn (age 63). I want God’s refuge. My life is very good but I still need refuge.
Wow! You hit the nail on the head – every – single – time.
have absolutely loved encouraging words of optimism, hope and belief to start my day and my commitment to following the Lord.