Day 26: THANKSGIVING
“You seem especially high maintenance.”
Having just shared my heart with over a hundred women as the speaker at their church’s weekend retreat, I am taken aback by this blunt observation.
I feel — and fight — the compulsion to obsess over it.
Meet My Alter Ego
What does she mean?
“high maintenance”?
Me?
“especially high maintenance”?
What does this mean about me?
Most likely, it means I’m not getting through. Each woman here already has her act together and is living in complete peace.
Nobody here needs to hear what I came to say. I should just go home.
But if I’m so high maintenance, then I shouldn’t go home. I’ll just overwhelm Daniel with all my “especially high maintenance needs.”
If I don’t go home, though, where will I go? I have nowhere else.
I’m trapped!
I’m stuck here with women who hate me. And I have to go home where all I do is make people miserable!
Fortunately, the logical absurdity of my emotions hits my funny bone before they spiral completely out of control. I re-join the real world, laugh, and respond, “Yes, I’m sure I do seem especially high maintenance!”
In my mind I add:
And you have no clue how overwhelming, how exhausting it is to be “especially high maintenance” 24/7!
Anxiety Free: Who Me?
Trying to help me become “Lower Maintenance Girl” or (dare we even hope?!?) “Joy-and-Peace Filled Girl,” well-meaning loved ones have offered their best advice over the years. Unfortunately, none of the following suggestions ever succeeded in doing anything other than – you guessed it! – making me even more “high maintenance”:
1. “Just stop thinking about it.”
2. “Just Let Go and Let God.”
3. “Just don’t have any expectations.”
4. “Just let whatever anyone says go in one ear and out the other.”
5. “Just don’t take things so personally.”
6. “Just trust yourself and follow your inner voice.”
7. “Just don’t be such a perfectionist (over-achiever, list-maker, do-er…)
8. “Just learn to r-e-l-a-x!”
9. “Just don’t be so hard on yourself.”
10. “Just accept whatever comes.”
Excellent bits of advice, every one of them. But without the companion how-to manual (yes, I would buy Contentment for Dummies!) I could never figure out how to apply any of them to real life.
Of course, my repeated failures at following friends’ advice only made me more “extremely” – I see you recognize the pattern by now! – “high maintenance.”
My friends weren’t trying to make me feel worse. In fact, they were trying their best to help me move from where I was (Anxiety) to where they were (Contentment), certain that if I could just join them, I’d feel so much better. They were probably right.
But they forgot one vital little detail: the directions.
If I Only Had a Map
How would I get from here to there?
Since I am blessed with lots of Normal Girl friends, none had ever been where I was. None had ever made the trek from Anxiety to Contentment. So the best they could do was earnestly tell me, “Cheri, where you’re at sounds just terrible! Stop being there. Come join me here!”
My snarky side always wanted to respond, “Okay, Beam me up, Scottie!”
How would I magically transport myself from my “there” to their “here”?
When I didn’t follow their well-meaning advice, some of my Normal Girl friends took offense and turned judgmental, “You must like being there if you’re still there! You are choosing to stay there. You could decide to leave if you really wanted to.”
Here’s a News Flash for any Normal Girl reading this:
- Anxiety Girl does not like where she’s at;
- Anxiety Girl is not choosing to stay where she’s at; and,
- Anxiety Girl wants to leave where she’s at but she does not know the way out.
And a related News Flash for any Anxiety Girls: hanging around Normal Girls in hopes that their normalcy will “rub off” is just another set-up for disappointment.
Direct to God
In my experience, it’s an either/or choice:
anxiety
OR
- Prayer and
- Thanksgiving and
- Surrender.
When I struggle to fully surrender?
The key (at least for me) is thanksgiving.
Anxiety and gratitude can not co-exist.
(One challenge, of course, is that little phrase “in every situation”…but we’ll talk about that more tomorrow!)
Try this today
Make a list of 100+ things for which you can give thanks today. You don’t have to do it all at once…start the list and then keep coming back to it. Once you hit 100, post it some place prominent.
Leave a comment!
- responding to today’s blog, and/or
- sharing your Day #1-26 experience of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, and/or
- about anything else on your heart!
You forgot the last part of those verses… “and the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Want peace? Then pray, petition and be thankful!
yep this is me anxiety at work no more breath in God…smile and rejoice….yeah I can do this!!!!!!
Oh my! I say these very things to my high maintenance children and it never works. Two out of my six are especially high maintenance… Thank you for the helpful insight! I need to pray with them and help them find things for which to be thankful.
A song we sing at church during the fall of the year is very appropriate.
EVERYDAY IS A DAY OF THANKSGIVING
GOD’S BEEN SO GOOD TO ME
EVERYDAY HE’S BLESSING ME
HE KEEPS BLESSING ME OVER AND OVER
BLESSING ME
TAKE THE TIME TO GLORIFY THE LORD TODAY,! Amen!
As a woman and hairstylist, it’s hard not to be high maintenance… I’m just saying..
Thank you for shedding some light on this..And for giving us “a way out.” Connie Y
Love this post! Definitely portrays me I. A lot of ways!
I am Anxiety Girl! Just sayin! LOL Love this post…it is so me!
I can totally relate to your friends. Sometimes I canNOT understand why someone continues to do something that seems so easy to overcome (“seems” being the keyword ;)). But, I am in your shoes right now, with anxiety ruling my life. I can’t wait to read more about this!
Thank you for this post! So many always think they have the answers to our problems and they know how to “fix” us. It’s hard. I know they mean well but it does just bubble up inside me and make it harder for me. I don’t take criticism well. I’m working on it but I was criticized so much growing up that my insecurities have grown. This year I chose the word grateful as my one word to focus on for the year. I’m choosing to find things to be grateful every day even if it’s raining all day. I’m trying to let go and let God.
Cheri, thank you for being so candid! It all rings true with me. This challenge is making a difference in my life.
I am an anxiety girl too! I have a list that I’ve written, but I need to post it!
My DH is the anxious one; I tend to believe it will all work out in the end. But I struggle with being negative and not being grateful. 100 things to be grateful for? That’s hard…I’ll start and see how long it takes. Sure switching that bracelet a lot!
#1 – just received my What’s for Dinner? book by Kathi Lipp. THANKS!
Heidi J
WOW!
Wow, I cannot believe this is so spot on for me. I’m the poster girl for anxiety and my hubby has used all those platitudes on me to gear me away from the anxiety. And honestly, I’ve allowed myself to actually listen to him and I end up laughing at some (not all!) of the thinks I’m anxious about. I think laughing in the face of anxiety has helped me a bit. I was a mess before, and yes, very high maintenance in the “watch what you say around her” department. Love to win the contest as I want to give this study to a find – with the verses and the book, esp. I want to do it again with her when she has time this summer. Thanks for speaking my language with this study.
Thank you so much! Someone finally understands that while I want to be calm and peaceful, there is a tangle in my wiring and I don’t know how to get to contentment. I need the roadmap and a hand to hold along the way doesn’t hurt either 🙂
I hate anxiety. It limits you from doing what you need to do. Thank you for this post today.
This is so me! It sucks being Anxiety Girl. I do think praying and focusing on the good things helps but you have to do this constantly throughout the day and that is quite difficult! Natalie
Thank You so much for sharing this today! I am a fellow anxiety girl! And you explained it in the exact words I feel! Normal girls (or even “normal people”)just don’t get that you can’t twinkle your nose and leave where you’re at and join them!!Thank you Cheri for sharing your perspective, and giving me directions to help me out. I will definately try harder to pray, show thanksgiving, and toughest of all, surrender.
When I read the bottom of the post with the challenge to make a list of 100+ things I can be thankful for, my very first thought and comment (out loud) was, “Oh my goodness… I don’t think I could even get to 10, let alone 100.” My Husband responded with, “It’s all about perspective. Not to mention, you need to change your bracelet because that was a negative comment.” Urgh.
It’s not that I wouldn’t want to come up with a list of things I’m thankful for, but I don’t want my list to consist of “filler” items, but things of real meaning and purpose.
So with the challenge of not only the list but also my choice of perspective, I will start asking God to open my eyes and reveal those extra blessings that I often miss throughout the days and begin writing down the thoughts He brings me. I know over time He is going to bring the list to well over a 100 and in doing so, He is going to be transforming my mind and heart to the things that really matter.
G. Logan
I so needed this. I’ve been anxiety girl in hiding for so long sorta like Clark Kent. Only I was scared that those around me would find out. I am making my list today.
Please enter me in the contest too.
M. Waters
svnhm1 at yahoo dot com
http://hugapoohlouise.wordpress.com