Day 1: LOVED (+ 2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW)
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The “Ideal” Christmas
Imagine your ideal Christmas Day:
- Who would be with you?
- What would you do?
- How would things look? smell? taste? sound? feel?
- What “one thing” would be required to make it the ideal Christmas Day for you?
My “one thing” is laughter.
Forget the decor, the food, the gifts (unless they’re gag gifts!)
For me, sitting around sharing stories, telling jokes, and laughing our fool heads off is the most important thing that happens on Christmas Day.
But that’s just me.
I’m a Sanguine PURSE-onality, and my primary goal in life is to have fun.
For my Melancholy mother and husband, their ideal Christmas Day centers on perfection.
My Choleric daughter and aunt’s ideal Christmas Day involves control.
My Phlegmatic son’s “one thing” is peace.
We each have “one thing” we need, above all else, to have the ideal Christmas Day.
Holiday Expectations
Advertisers play on our “one thing,” luring us into believing that if we spend money on this decoration, this gift, this event, then this Christmas will be the one when…
When what?
- When that hyper-critical relative suddenly says something positive?
- When we go to the closet, easily pick out an outfit, slip into it, and feel fabulous?
- When the spouse one who hates gift shopping finally surprises us the “perfect present”?
- When the house magically de-clutters, cleans, and decorates itself?
It’s so tempting to fall into “this Christmas…” thinking.
Which is nothing but a set up.
Expecting Christmas to meet my PURSE-onality needs is a set-up for disappointment. (Click to Tweet this.)
Holiday Disappointment
When I take a so that approach to any aspect of the holidays, I’m guaranteed to be disappointed.
- I need lots of attention at the party so that I’ll have fun. (But fun fades.)
- I need my house properly decorated so that I’ll feel that everything is perfect. (But perfection gets spoiled.)
- I need to get everything done efficiently so that I can feel in control. (But control is just an illusion.)
- I need to keep everyone happy so that I can feel at peace. (But peace only lasts so long.
The holidays are NOT about me getting my needs met.
No day or season can meet my needs.
I can not get from the holidays anything I do not take with me going into them.
(In fact, the needier I am going into the holiday season, the more disappointed I’m going to be by the end!)
Holidays Are About Giving
The “one thing” we each need, above all else, is LOVE.
All of our “this Christmas…” thinking?
We’re chasing love.
All of our so that trying?
We’re chasing love.
We’re chasing love when we could be celebrating the day that Love came to us!
Love came to us.
“Even before He made the world,
God loved us and chose us in Christ
to be holy and without fault in his eyes.”
Ephesians 1:4
We are loved.
We don’t need to go chasing after love during the holiday season.
We don’t need to do anything so that we will be loved.
We celebrate because we are loved!
And instead of needing to get that “one thing,” we can each contribute the “one thing” that’s so important to us.
Sanguines can contribute fun.
Melancholies perfection.
Cholerics control.
Phelgmatics peace.
Not so that…
…but because:
we. are. loved.
2 Vital Questions to Ask NOW
Now would be a great time to discuss this question with family members and friends to see what similarities and differences show up!
1. What are my expectations of the ________ holiday? (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, etc.)
2. What is my “one thing”?
Your Turn!
- Which of your expectations do you want to re-evaluate this year?
- How do your family members’ expectations differ from yours?
- What’s your “one thing”? How does it differ from your family members’?
- Anything else on your heart?
I really needed this to help me this holiday season. This year will be different for our family and it really helps me realize what’s important
Wow, you really got me thinking now. My focus this year is going to be on Advent. It’s such a special time for us, where we all come together to read the Bible and learn after our evening meal. That’s where it is for me. That feeling of being fed, both spiritual feeding and homey comfort food. Singing praise songs and listening to the fire crackle, or the kids playing.
Thanks for sharing this.
Vanessa —
Love the idea of being fed both spiritually and physically..of homey comfort. Sounds like a bit of heaven on earth to me!
Great post, Cheri! The holidays can be such a stressful time, especially when family tensions surface. It’s so good to think about the expectations and emotions ahead of time. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks, Renee! I realized that I prepare head of time for the energy and emotion drain in other areas of life. But for some reason, I expect the holidays to just magically fall into place despite the fact that they naturally involve so many more potential stressors! Half-way thru the month, I’m already feeling so much more intentional. (But not “in control,” which is an illusion… 😉
Truly the best Christmas for me would be a cozy, peaceful, loving atmosphere. My family around me and getting along. The kids having fun in the snow outside. Christmas music playing and cookies baking in the oven. Having the perfect gifts to give each of my family members–not expensive gifts, just meaningful. 🙂
Gwendolyn — Love the word “cozy.” (Oh, and the phrase “getting along”!) My favorite thing is to turn all the lights out in the house except for the Christmas tree lights and play Manheim Steamroller’s “Silent Night”… so peaceful!
My one thing is the celebration of Jesus’ birth and God’s love for us. My Christmas will be vastly different this year; as it will be the first one without my husband. It will be the first one where I have to coordinate visitation schedules and make sure all of the various families get a chance to participate in the holidays with my children – much more difficult now that the families are divided. I am not sure how it’s going to go this year…
Heather — Praying for you as you plan for these changes and challenges. In the midst of taking care of others, I hope you’ll be able to pause for self-care, resting in the safety of His love.
I am learning to let go of perfect – 5 sons does that to you. I want a good Christmas Eve service that infuse me with what Christmas is really all about. I want the food traditions. I love the fun with the stocking-stuffer nerf guns – that’s where all the laughter and mayhem come in. I love finding each son the perfect something – and I love that it is all because of Jesus that we celebrate His birth!
bcm — 5! boys! Nerf guns…what a great idea. We used to have marshmallow gun wars…until I started finding dried-up mini marshmallows everywhere and got grouchy. I think I need to un-grouch this year! I love all the multi-sensory things you describe: the sounds and smells and tastes — they really do represent all the abundance that Christ brings to our lives!
My thing is remembering why we celebrate the season. Jesus is the Reason for the season. Without Him we wouldn’t have a reason to celebrate. We sing Happy Birthday to Jesus and spend quality time together as a family. We don’t tend to buy too many Christmas gifts. We usally buy for our children and our parents but that’s it. The commercialized version is so unappealing. It takes all of the joy out of the season. Without the birth of Jesus…we wouldn’t have Christmas.
Kristina — I love the idea of singing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus! And keeping the WHY front and center. It’s so easy to get caught up in all sorts of joyless “have-to”s.
the baking part. In the past I have had helpers now they are grown up and away so I need to cut down on goodie baking
So true! I keep trying to cook and bake as much as I “used to,” but with fewer mouths to feed and fewer helping hands, it’s time to trim the menus!
Loved this post! I totally agree that the most important things are centered around love. This is always being drawn to my attention…that who we are and what we do must always reflect love and that’s what we’ll be judged on in the end…how we loved! Now…to apply that to my Christmas mentality and planning! Thank you for this inspiring and thought-provoking post.
Lisa Maria — “Now…to apply that to my Christmas mentality and planning!” Exactly! I find that throughout the year, when I’m not under “holiday pressure”, it’s a lot easier for me to remember that everything is about living in God’s love. But somehow once November hits, I excuse a lot of “baditude” as if it just automatically comes with the territory! This year, I’m pray-paring for the opposite: for November and December to be overflowing with hope, joy, peace, and love.
thank you for the chance to win
You’re more than welcome, Pat! 🙂
My one thing is snuggling in a newer blanket and watching tv/movies with my babe! I love the feeling of connectedness and simplicity in one. My version of perfect imperfection.
“Snuggling” and “Simplicity” — sounds like a winning combination! 🙂 (Love “perfect imperfection”!)
I just can’t seem to pick the one thing: it’s two intertwined. Love and time with my family. I want my family to really know and feel the love God has for us and that we have for each other.
Heidi J
Heidi — I think you’re right. They’re not just intertwined but reciprocal: the more I experience God’s love, the more love I experience w/my family. The more love I experience with my family, the better I understand and more fully I experience God’s love. THAT sounds like a great focus for celebrating Christmas!
my 1 thing is quality time together with our families. Maybe instead of focusing on gifts we can spend time playing games. I remember as a newlywed all of us surrounding the table playing board games and sharing memories. And making new ones. Those are my favorite holiday memories.
Sounds like a great idea! Those memories are gifts that last and keep giving thru the memories. When our kids are home from college, our favorite way to spend time together is still “Family Game Night,” hands down.
Love this about not expecting he holidays to meet our needs. Now just have to remember it!
Vicky — I agree! With all the decor and events and “hype” it’s easily forgotten.
My husband and I have been talking about this for a while, and for both of us our ideal Christmas would be immediate family and stress-free. For us that means us and our kids and no one else and especially no traveling at all. Unfortunately, for us to have our ideal Christmas the way that would make us happy would be telling our mothers that we do not love them (not literally, of course, but in their minds that is what we would be saying). So we are trying to come up with a plan that will work for all of us.
Jennifer — I think so much of our holiday stress comes from conflicting expectations! It’s been a blessing and a huge gift to me that my family has always said, “You are welcome any time but we won’t be hurt when you choose not to come.” And I’ve never felt any negative repercussions for the years we weren’t there for Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day.
I know that other families are quite the opposite. (I have one friend whose husband received a 2-page “I can see you don’t love me any more; I must have been a terrible mother…” letter when they stayed home on Christmas Day due to their children’s high fevers.
This is an area for much prayer and hopefully some conversations with family members. Some years, we’ve been convicted that we need to go; others, that we need to stay. Some of the years when we’ve gone, my heart was not “ready” and I stewed in resentment the entire time. That was wrong and damaging to all of us. I don’t know yet what we’ll be doing this year, but whatever it is, I want to do it with my whole heart!
My one thing is to truly focus on Christ!
You have me thinking about what that could look like throughout the day…what if I say, “Hello Jesus!” in my heart w/ each person I encounter? (vs. “Hello Inconvenience…” or “Hello Argument…” or “Hello Listener…”) Hmmm…