Focusing on Me, Myself, and I
Today’s verses struck me hard in January and have been haunting me ever since:
Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “But my brother Esau is a hairy man while I have smooth skin. What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.”
His mother said to him, “My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me.”
Genesis 27:11-13
What Jacob Doesn’t Say
The first thing that strikes me is what Jacob doesn’t say.
- He doesn’t say, “Mom, that would be wrong!”
- He doesn’t say, “We shouldn’t be trying to trick him!”
- He doesn’t say, “He’ll feel betrayed!”
What we don’t say often says far more about our hearts than what we do say.
What They Both Say
The second thing that strikes me is the set of pronouns both Jacob and Rebekah use:
Jacob’s concerns are…
- …I have smooth skin…
- …touches me?
- …I would appear…
- …a curse upon myself…
And what is Rebekah’s reply?
- …let the curse fall on me…
- …do what I say…
- …get them for me…
Both Jacob and Rebekah are focused on their three best friends: Me. Myself. I.
What No Mother Should Ever Say
The third thing that strikes me is Rebekah’s replay to Jacob:
“Let the curse fall on me.”
Initially, I was stunned by Rebekah’s hubris. What kind of woman so casually welcomes a curse?
And then I realized that there are other ways to phrase, “Let the curse fall on me.”
What Entitlement Parenting Says
- “Mommy will fix everything.”
- “Nobody needs to know. We’ll keep this between you and me.”
- “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
Were Rebekah offering redemptive, sacrificial grace to an erring child, as Christ does to us, that would be one thing.
But she’s not.
First, she’s demanding that Jacob perform in a way that fulfills her needs. And then she’s promising to take the fall if anything goes wrong.
Both are so very very wrong.
Children are not supposed to meet their parents’ needs.
And parents can not “fix everything” for their children.
Researcher Brene Brown writes, “I no longer see [parental] rescuing and intervening as unhelpful; I now think of it as dangerous.”
As we’ll see in the days to come, Rebekah learns this lesson the hardest possible way.
Recognizing Rebekah in the Mirror
I SO don’t want to identify with Rebekah.
I don’t, I DON’T, I DO NOT!
But this story has been haunting me since January because I keep recalling all the ways I’ve said, “Let the curse fall on me.” With no clue that I was saying it. And no clue of the consequences.
So as much as I don’t want to see myself in Rebekah, I don’t want to keep repeating her mistakes, and I really don’t want to reap her consequences.
It’s too late to change Rebekah’s story.
But not too late to change ours.
Try This Today:
As you’re building your “God Will Provide” family time line, include a situation in which a child (of any age) was allowed to experience the consequence of his or her choices.
Your Turn!
Why do you think parents are so quick to “rescue” children from the consequences of their choices these days?
I guess they don’t want to see them hurt, so they help in whatever way they can,even if that way isn’t necessarily helpful.
I have been guilty of trying to rescue my children from things. Sometimes I think it is because we know the pain and the consequences of some of those actions. That is not always true of our youth. I know that the old saying is “Learn from your mistakes.” I am trying very hard to allow my children to do that. Sometimes it means that they suffer a bit, but they have to learn to deal with that too.
As a teacher, I have noticed that there are two extremes when it comes to parenting: the parents who have washed their hands of their child and what we call “the helicopter parent”. The first type of parent says, “I have tried everything and I can’t do anything with him.” The second type is trying desperately to do everything so their child will never have to deal with being second best or losing out on anything. I would LOVE to be the parent who is somewhere in the middle: praying for, guiding, and talking with my child, trying to help him or her make wise choices, celebrating with them over their victories, helping bandage them up when they fall and stumble, and lovingly assisting them as they deal with their OWN mistakes.
I think we all remember the mistakes we made when we were young and we know the consequences that can have long lasting reaches. We really don’t want them to make those same mistakes.
Great post!! Remembering this with my children…
When my daughter started her new job,she let a “friend”talk her into passind a test for her well the boss found out and they both were let go.I sain to her you knew better now you have to pay for it. This hurt my heart very bad because I knew if I spoke to the boss she could get her job back ,but I had to let her learn the hard way you have to reap what you sew.Now Let me let you know this was a hard thing for me to do and I put much prayer in it because my” little girl” needed to learn the consequence of her choice.,And i needed to learn to step back and let her grow in her own widsom. As a single mon all I wanted for my children is more than me and they will never learn if I keep picking up the cloths thrown on the floor so I am learning little at a time to let go and let God.
I agree with all the ladies above. We, as parents, are always trying to protect our children from harm. They learn from their mistakes so we should have faith and trust in God. Sometimes our love for our children takes over and we often forget that they made the choices and should face the related consequences. As a former teacher, I have also seen parents “rescue” their children from some major misbehaviors that definitely shouldn’t be ignored. They make excuses for their children possibly because they see it as a reflection on their parenting skills??? I am not sure why. But, the children never learn – what they learn is I can do this and mommy or daddy will fix the problem. I can get away with more. There are some parents that truly want to deal with the issues and take the “easy” way out. I am just throwing a few things out there that first come to mind so I am sorry if I offend anyone. I am definitely not saying all parents would do this, but in my experience I have seen this happen on more than one occasion.
Parents just don’t want their children to suffer in anyway.
Even with a young baby I want to protect her from danger, harm, and hurt because I love her so much. I would love to cocoon her in safety. As a mom, I think we value our children’s lives more than our own!
As parents, we have a terrible habit of wanting to fix everything for our children, instead of trusting God. How horrible to think this is a reflection of lack of faith?
When I was a teacher I had parents constantly excuse their children’s behavior. I think so many parents don’t want to put up with the consequences of their kids behavior so they try to rescue them thinking it is what will help them, but it actually hinders them.